Chapter 35

‘It’s warm.’

That was the first thought that came to Lee Jun’s mind as soon as he woke up. His eyes were still closed, but his thoughts had already begun to wander. Not getting up was a habit he had formed while sleeping with Hae Sol.

Fearing that Hae Sol, who often snuggled against some part of his body in her sleep, might get hurt, Lee Jun never immediately got up even after waking.

‘My left side?’

Feeling the warmth, Lee Jun subtly smiled.

Even when he slept with Haein, he often held a whimpering Hae Sol in his arms until she fell asleep. And when he fell asleep in the early morning, Haein would sometimes deliberately bring Hae Sol and place her beside Lee Jun.

Then Hae Sol would wriggle and bury her face in Lee Jun’s arms and fall asleep, and each time, he would hug her with a groggy mind, still half-asleep.

Lee Jun turned onto his side, stretched out his hand, and embraced Hae Sol, a relaxed smile on his face. Unlike usual, the body didn’t easily yield to his pull, but he didn’t mind since it was close anyway.

He lowered his head and kissed her forehead.

“Let’s sleep a little longer.”

Before he could finish “Hae Sol,” he fell back asleep. Lee Jun’s expression, as he rubbed his face against the white pillow, was softly relaxed.

As Lee Jun fell back into an even sleep, the large figure he had embraced rose. He ran a hand through his hair, his gaze complex. He let out short, exasperated breaths and unnecessarily cleared his throat.

After he had calmed down somewhat, he fell into a daze of thought.

“What the…”

Chaeheon covered his mouth.

He looked down at Lee Jun’s deeply sleeping face, wondering what had just happened. After they broke up, Lee Jun hadn’t shown him a proper smile, looking at him with emotionless eyes as if he were a stranger.

Chaeheon had often lamented how well a painted smile suited Lee Jun’s gentle face, but now, in his sleep, his parted lips curved smoothly.

“This is really driving me crazy.”

Chaeheon chuckled. He touched his forehead, then looked back at Lee Jun, whose lips elegantly curved upwards again, as if he were dreaming. He gently tapped Lee Jun’s cheek.

“Is this why you’ve been putting up such a wall, Senior?”

Am I supposed to be moved by just one precious smile?

Chaeheon recalled what had happened before he and Lee Jun fell asleep. He had put on a movie as an excuse to talk to Lee Jun, but he hadn’t expected it to become a lullaby. Lee Jun probably thought he had collapsed from exhaustion after work, but that wasn’t it. It was the pheromones Chaeheon had subtly released. Since it was already his home, some pheromones would naturally be present, so he only released enough for Lee Jun not to notice anything unusual.

Looking down at the sleeping Lee Jun yesterday, Chaeheon pondered for quite a while.

“He still reacts to my pheromones.”

It was proof that his pheromones were effective in calming Lee Jun’s mind.

“It’s not that he doesn’t feel anything for me either.”

While the fun of digging through things one by one to uncover the truth was good, quite some time had passed. He needed to slowly bridge the gap between him and Lee Jun. After all, once he graduated soon, such leisurely time would disappear for him. Before that, he had to untangle the knotted thread with Lee Jun.

“Then he would smile more, just like before.”

Chaeheon’s body warmed at the smile Lee Jun had let slip on his defenseless face.

With a soft thud, a small sound by his side, Chaeheon turned his head, his phone to his ear. Lee Jun’s hand, which had moved in his sleep, fell beside him.

Though his hands were not small for a man, his long, slender fingers and extended fingernails were as beautiful as a woman’s.

Chaeheon placed a finger on the concave center of Lee Jun’s palm. When Lee Jun’s eyelids trembled at his touch, Chaeheon watched, and once Lee Jun fell back asleep, he gently caressed his palm.

It was smooth and soft. Its fresh, non-sticky feel was different from the clammy hands that tried to grab him.

“Mmm.”

With a rumbling sound from his throat, Lee Jun moved his body. As Lee Jun curled his hand and held Chaeheon’s, Chaeheon watched it, then closed his eyes.

At the sound of a vibration from somewhere, Lee Jun reached out his hand, his eyes still closed. He fumbled around, guessing the direction of the vibration, but couldn’t seem to grasp his phone.

‘Where is it?’

If it were in its usual spot, it would have been well within reach, but strangely, his hand was only clutching empty air.

Lee Jun frowned and forced his eyes open.

A room with white walls and a simple layout.

Lee Jun’s eyes snapped open at the layout, which was different from his own room.

‘Here… Ah…’

It was Chaeheon’s room. Had he fallen asleep while watching the movie? He had thought he needed to go, so how had it come to this?

Lee Jun lowered his eyelids halfway again and fumbled for his phone. The phone was precariously perched on the edge of the nightstand, so naturally, he realized, his outstretched hand hadn’t reached it. But as the phone teetered, threatening to fall, Lee Jun urgently lunged forward with his upper body.

“Ugh.”

He managed to catch the falling phone, but he thought he would fall out of bed. However, before his body could touch the floor, he was pulled backward, as if his direction had shifted in mid-air. Just as Lee Jun was about to look behind him, feeling a pressure on his stomach, Chaeheon rubbed his face into Lee Jun’s nape.

“What time is your part-time job until?”

The voice, heavy with sleep, vibrated against the skin it touched.

“Nine o’clock.”

Chaeheon opened one eye, grabbed the hand holding Lee Jun’s phone, and pulled it towards himself. Lee Jun, whose right hand was naturally lifted above his left shoulder, wore a bewildered expression.

“Why is he looking at mine instead of his own?”

“It’s only seven o’clock.”

Chaeheon let go of Lee Jun’s hand and pulled him closer by the stomach. As Lee Jun’s back fit perfectly against Chaeheon’s chest and stomach, Chaeheon closed his eyes again.

“Let’s sleep a little longer.”

Lee Jun wriggled, trying to get away from Chaeheon, thinking, “Surely we didn’t sleep in this position all night, did we?”

“…Chaeheon.”

“Let’s sleep.”

It felt like this had happened before. Lee Jun sighed and relaxed his body.

Though he had said he would get up, his desire to sleep more quickly caused his eyes to flutter closed.

Soon, behind the evenly breathing, sleeping Lee Jun, Chaeheon opened his eyes.

His body, fitting perfectly against Chaeheon’s like a puzzle piece, was familiar. For a while, just embracing this body made him instantly fall asleep.

Chaeheon rested one hand on his own head and with the other, he lightly touched Lee Jun’s hair as if tickling it.

“You’re used to me too, aren’t you, Senior?”

“Mmm.”

As Lee Jun turned over in his sleep, Chaeheon’s hand froze in mid-air, fearing Lee Jun might wake up. As he remained awkwardly stiff, Lee Jun rubbed his face against Chaeheon’s chest. Lee Jun’s high nose, pressing against his chest, felt soft rather than firm, as if a soft core was embedded within it.

Upon closer inspection, he seemed sharp and rigid, always putting up prickly defenses, but in reality, he was not like that at all. He wasn’t cruel enough to scratch at people’s hearts, which was why he was swayed by Chaeheon too. Even knowing that, Chaeheon couldn’t leave Lee Jun alone.

Embracing the sleeping Lee Jun’s back, Chaeheon buried his nose in his hair.

“I… want to know you, Senior.”

He wanted to resolve all the questions he had harbored until now and embrace Lee Jun entirely.

‘If he doesn’t want to tell me everything, just one thing…’

Anything would be fine. He wished Lee Jun would tell him why he smelled like a baby, or how he knew Park Geon-u, or why he tried to distance himself from Chaeheon.

Chaeheon, who had closed his eyes, holding back a stifled breath, opened them again at the sound of a vibration. Lee Jun’s phone was vibrating and glowing in his hand, so Chaeheon carefully took it. He didn’t know how Lee Jun would react if he woke up because of this. He might suddenly get a call, wake up, and leave…

Just as Chaeheon was about to place the phone on the nightstand, he unintentionally saw a message displayed at the top of the screen.

“Siblings are all the same.”

Just as he had saved his older sister’s name without any affection, Lee Jun had done the same, making it easy to tell who the message was from.

“So it’s tomorrow.”

Chaeheon, having confirmed the message about his sister wanting to go somewhere, placed the phone on the nightstand. Then, looking at Lee Jun, who was still deeply asleep, he whispered, almost inaudibly.

“See you tomorrow.”

As it happened, an opportunity to learn one truth had arisen.

Lee Jun recalled the time he had spent with Chaeheon over the weekend.

“Goodbye.”

He had expected Chaeheon to try and keep him, but surprisingly, he waved goodbye and let him leave cleanly. Normally, he would ask what Lee Jun would do after work or suggest they meet again, so it felt strange.

‘What am I thinking?’

Then, suddenly, he found himself pathetic for thinking it strange that Chaeheon hadn’t tried to hold him back, and he chuckled.

‘What is this? I said I’d push him away, and yet…’

Their encounters weren’t always by his own volition, but despite that, he was always comfortable with Chaeheon. Even though he knew he shouldn’t be, his body, already accustomed to Chaeheon, leaned into the comfort he provided.

‘It would be better to do nothing at all.’

Then at least he wouldn’t act contradictorily, and wouldn’t look this foolish. …But would nothing happen if he just stayed still?

‘Unless I stop seeing him altogether, which I know won’t happen.’

Everything had gone awry the first day he met Chaeheon, so thinking of “what if” scenarios was even more ridiculous.

It wasn’t anyone else; it was Chaeheon.

The reason he swayed endlessly for him. It was because he still liked Chaeheon.

Ultimately, both his body and mind desired Chaeheon, but his circumstances didn’t allow for it.