ID Chapter 23

An endoscopic examination using aura doesn’t hurt the patient, has high accuracy, and is very expensive. This was exactly the examination I received today. Kwon Su-han paid for it all; if I had to pay, I would never have done it.

“It looks serious. If you weren’t an Aura User, you’d already be a mess. For now, the exact results will be out in a week. I’ll send them to you directly.”

“Can you do it faster, within three days?”

“Well… if it’s your request, I suppose so. Your email address hasn’t changed, right?”

“Right. Then, I’ll count on it.”

Surprisingly, this was a conversation between the doctor and Kwon Su-han, exchanging my test results while completely leaving me out.

“Excuse me. You should give them to me first. No, you should only tell me. It’s my test result, that’s a privacy infringement.”

“I’m your guardian.”

“Honestly. My guardians are my mom and dad, you know?”

“Do you intend to tell your parents about this?”

“…….”

“Let’s meet on the day the results come out.”

Kwon Su-han took off the gown I was wearing and put my discarded jacket on me. I was momentarily struck dumb, but I kept grumbling as I put on the jacket. Of course, it fell on deaf ears.

He said goodbye to the doctor and simply took me out. The doctor smiled and waved, saying, “Ira, take care. Eat well.” Kwon Su-han naturally led me to the passenger seat of the car.

“Where are we going?”

“Home.”

“Kwon Su-han’s house?”

“Yes. We’re going to eat Jjimdak.”

As expected, he was trying to feed me something. I was worried about what would happen if I couldn’t eat much during dinner with Jae-yi, but since it was Jjimdak, I quietly fastened my seatbelt.

This time, he didn’t make me chop like before. Instead, he told me to cook rice. Why should I cook rice when I’m only eating this one meal…? I wouldn’t be able to eat much anyway because of the chicken… Why should I cook rice for Kwon Su-han…? A guest cooking rice…? I washed the rice, feeling absurd, and pressed the cook button on the rice cooker.

“So you know how to cook rice.”

“Of course. I’ve been living alone for years.”

“Well, for someone who’s lived alone since they were 16, you couldn’t even chop a carrot.”

“The shape doesn’t matter. Once it goes in, it all becomes the same. When did you start living alone?”

“Over 10 years. We’re allocated a house in the Adapter-Exclusive Town once we become adults.”

Adapters receive a free house from the government, one per person. Well, I suppose it’s only natural since they’re Adapters.

I washed my hands and sat at the table, where I saw Kwon Su-han fumbling with a bag of glass noodles. Why wasn’t he opening it? Just as I was about to ask, a question came back to me.

“Are glass noodles okay?”

“No way~~~ You have to put them in. Were you not going to?”

I overreacted with a shocked expression. Kwon Su-han sheepishly said, “I heard people are divided on them,” and tore open the bag.

He served the other side dishes, and I held my chopsticks, waiting for the Jjimdak. Jjimdak, Jjimdak. All I’d eaten yesterday and the day before combined was one piece of bread, so I was starving. Actually, I’d eaten other things too, but I’d thrown them all up… Still, the red bean bun Jae-yi gave me, I ate that deliciously. Thinking about it, the breakfast Jae-yi made for me a few days ago was the only real meal I’d had lately. I ate it well without throwing up. Realizing this again made me even hungrier.

“Hyung, please give me food quickly. I’m hungry.”

Clang. Before I could even finish my sentence, there was the sound of metal hitting something. Kwon Su-han, who had dropped his spoon, had trembling eyes.

“…Hyung?”

“Well, then do you want me to call you mister?”

“…….”

“Mr. Kwon Su-han?”

“…….”

“I’m hungry…”

“…Be quiet. It’ll be ready soon.”

My single word of “I’m hungry,” said while rubbing my stomach, broke Kwon Su-han’s frozen state. The cold, handsome doctor, whom I was convinced disliked me when I first met him, busied himself to feed the poor, hungry, skinny, small idol who had developed food trauma after receiving a Cyanide Cookie. I felt that this doctor was truly a responsible adult. The most, among all the adults I’d met, a true adult who allowed me to be a naive twenty-two-year-old.

The Jjimdak was delicious; the meat was tender and the sauce wasn’t too salty. At first, I ate awkwardly with chopsticks, but then Kwon Su-han told me to eat comfortably, so I picked it up with my hands and tore into it. As I ate spoonfuls of rice and slurped up the glass noodles, gobbling everything down, side dishes like chamnamul salad and stir-fried kimchi would occasionally appear on my spoon. When I looked at Kwon Su-han with a “Am I a child?” expression, he would just feign ignorance with his cold-blooded face, poking at the Jjimdak as if he had no idea what had happened to my spoon.

I wanted to eat everything cleanly, but there was too much, so I couldn’t finish it all. My stomach was completely full, and by the end, I was forcing myself to eat, but Kwon Su-han noticed I was full and took the Jjimdak away, telling me to stop eating. He didn’t even give me dessert, which he usually did, but I was genuinely so full that I didn’t feel disappointed.

“Hand.”

“….Yes.”

I sat on a blanket spread on the floor below the sofa and held Kwon Su-han’s hand. Slowly, a cozy, warm aura entered my body, warming my cold veins. How could I describe this feeling? A tranquility similar to laying a body tired from hard labor into a hot spring. It felt like all the muscles in my body were relaxing, and warm sunlight and a gentle breeze were unfolding before my eyes, or like I was idly sleeping in a cozy winter cabin, warming myself by a fireplace while a snowstorm raged outside.

So drowsy…

My head tilted. A large hand gently rested my head on his shoulder. He also draped a soft blanket over me. I hugged the smooth blanket with my hands and rubbed my cheek against his shoulder.

“…Ira.”

My name was called with a low chuckle from his shoulder.

“…Why…”

“Do you know what happens if you give a cat catnip?”

“Why keep talking about cats… I like dogs more… Do you know how cute long-haired chihuahuas are…?”

“…I know.”

Mallang-i’s image came to mind. If catnip was for cats, toys were for Mallang-i. I remembered her wagging her tail and playing with her dolls; I bought her so many toys, but she loved my fingers the most out of all of them. I was dying of sleepiness, but she kept biting and sucking my fingers, so I’d wake up and play with her. Once, she brought a doll and put it next to my hand, then licked my finger and the doll alternately all by herself. Was she perhaps playing with her dolls in her own way? It was only last year. Around this time last year, I fell asleep cuddling Mallang-i, and when I woke up, she was always playing with my fingers. Photos from that time are saved on my phone. There are videos too, but I’ve never opened them. Because I can never see her again. Never again. No matter how much I wish and hope, it’s forever impossible.

A spasm rippled across my face. Something hot surged in my chest.

“Don’t cry, Ira.”

“I’m not crying… Are you reading my mind?…”

“I’m not reading your mind; your emotions are conveyed to me.”

Did he mean my emotions were crying? Of course, I want to cry, I want to cry so much right now, but I don’t deserve to shed tears. That would be pitying myself, and I don’t deserve pity. Kwon Su-han patted me, as I bit my lip and my cheeks twitched. He slowly stroked my back and gently laid me down. I kept my eyes closed. Kwon Su-han continued to hold my hand with one hand and softly stroke my head with the other until I fell asleep.

Today’s schedule was packed: a Sea Singing Stage in the morning, a fan signing event in the afternoon, and Endorphin behind-the-scenes filming in the evening. They said our activities would end next week, so we’d be pushing hard for the next seven days without any days off.

Kwon Su-han [Are they giving you time to sleep?]

[I snatch short naps while traveling ㅜ]

Kwon Su-han [Meals?]

[Convenience store bento…]

Kwon Su-han [ㅡㅡThey can’t even feed you properly, or let you sleep. They’re doing everything a corrupt company would do.]

[I’m sleepy and hungry ㅜㅜㅜ]

Kwon Su-han [Sleep a little now if you can. You can ignore my messages.]

[I want a hamburger…]

Kwon Su-han [When we meet later, I’ll let you eat until you burst.]

[I’ll look forward to it ㅋㅋ We’ve arrived at the performance venue now]

As I was complaining to Kwon Su-han, we arrived at the performance venue. Since it was at the beach, the smell of the ocean stung my nose. The wide-open horizon and the whooshing sound of the waves made me feel refreshed.

I put on my thigh-high Water Shoes and confidently checked their storage this time. It was full.

“Ira, did you check your shoes?”

“Yeah, they’re normal. You should check yours too, just in case.”

Jae-yi asked, and I replied with a bright smile. As I walked around the waiting room, warming up my voice, Yadan came over.

“Brother, are the Water Shoes charged?”

“Yeah~ I checked. You check yours too.”

Our good Yadan. When I ruffled his hair, his ears turned red. As I was putting on my microphone, Han-sae asked this time.

“Hey, give me your shoes. You didn’t check them again, did you?”

“Your brother already checked everything~~ Don’t worry, and you check yours too.”

You rascal. I waved my hand and sent him off to put on his microphone. Mun came when I was texting Kwon Su-han.

“Let me see your shoes. Stay still.”

“Brother, I checked everything. They’re fine. You should check yours too.”

Mun nodded and left. I re-read the message from Kwon Su-han.

Kwon Su-han [Do well on the performance. And check your Water Shoes’ storage.]

As if I wouldn’t. They’re all so funny.

I walked on the water’s surface, slid over tall waves, and stirred up white ripples as I traversed the glittering blue sea. The feeling of the sea crashing beneath my feet was always new. During Sea Singing, we wear waterproof outfits, but because it’s by the sea, the temperature itself is low, so it gets very cold after the stage. However, as I freely run across the wide, blue sea surface, creating illusions like sand deserts and cacti on the vast ocean, the cold no longer matters. I could be a hundred times colder. If it’s for this moment.

“Ah, damn it, it’s cold!!”

I swore out of cold. The fan signing event was also held inside the Sea Singing performance venue, so we couldn’t leave the beach, making it even colder. As I shivered and clung tightly to the portable heater Jae-yi gave me, Han-sae clicked his tongue.

“What do you mean you’re cold? Your stamina has fallen too much.”

“Aren’t you cold??”

“Uh, not at all. Are you a child or something?”

“Oh, damn it…”

“Look at Ira’s wrist. He’s so thin, it would be strange if he wasn’t cold.”

Mun covered me with a blanket. I hugged the heater and burrowed into the blanket.

…

Jae-yi, who had been quietly watching me, snatched the blanket and opened it in his arms. Then he looked at me as if telling me to quickly burrow into his embrace… Is he crazy?

A while ago, I had promised to have dinner with Jae-yi, but then I ended up sleeping at Kwon Su-han’s place and only returned in the morning. Jae-yi got really sulky because of that, so I’ve been docilely agreeing to everything Jae-yi says, but this feels a bit too much.

“Fan service. The fans are watching.”

He gave an excuse as if he had prepared it. The fans were indeed watching, but I didn’t understand in the slightest why this was fan service. Anyway, I was cold, and I couldn’t show that I was rejecting Jae-yi, so I leaned into his embrace.

“Kyaaaah!”

Cheers erupted. Why was this something to cheer about? Fans must think everything Jae-yi does is cool. It’s true for me too, but…

Han-sae cautiously approached.

“Hey, isn’t it a bit… dangerous? Jae-yi, you came out, and if you hug Ira like that, if a scandal breaks out…”

“It’ll be fine. They’ve always had this kind of skinship.”

I glanced sideways at Mun. I thought that while he might secretly wish for us to quickly separate, his mindset of “if the fans like it, it doesn’t matter” was truly something to emulate. Are fans really that good?

…It was that good, indeed…

I rubbed my face into Jae-yi’s embrace and closed my eyes. Jae-yi wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. For some reason, the cheers seemed to grow louder.

I too felt like I could do anything if the fan who called me a chick wanted it. So if that one fan cheered, then anything.

The managers called, saying the fan signing event preparations were finished. Yong-jun had been called away by the CEO, so the other two managers were busy taking care of us. Before going on stage, I was caught by a noona stylist and had my bangs checked. Because I’d used Jae-yi’s embrace too much like a pillow earlier…

I quickly styled my hair and headed back, and I saw a behind-the-scenes camera filming Han-sae in the hallway. I walked around behind the second manager, who was holding the camera.

“Oh dear, Ira… What do you mean by avoiding the camera?”

“Oh, because it was filming Han-sae.”

“Then you should naturally come over and join in.”

Why do I necessarily have to do that… For now, I said “yes” and joined Han-sae.

Han-sae put his arm around my shoulder and asked me for my thoughts on the upcoming fan meeting and such. Of course, it was scary and terrifying. As always. Meeting Endorphin’s fans was always difficult.

“This time always feels thrilling. And nerve-wracking. Han-sae, how about you?”

“I’m nervous too. Trembling, trembling, my heart is pounding like crazy.”

“Let’s go quickly. Before Mun gets angry. Everyone, we’re coming to see you right now~~!”

I waved at the camera and went up to the stage.

“Hello, we are your Endorphin!!”

As we bowed at a ninety-degree angle, cheers poured out. Now, it was starting all over again.