ID Chapter 44

Since I was born and met my parents, I have experienced repeated misfortunes. When I saw them after the Cyanide Cookie incident became known, it broke my heart to see how upset they were. I always felt sorry for their biological child, my younger sibling, so I could only ever treat them awkwardly.

I grew up in an adoption center in F-City. On the wrist of the newborn baby abandoned at the door, only a birth date was written. The center staff raised me directly at the center instead of sending me to an orphanage. The baby, who they thought would be adopted quickly due to many adoption inquiries from the first day of registration, went through all the diseases that newborns can suffer, one after another, missing all adoption opportunities and vaguely becoming three years old.

The people who inquired about adopting the baby, who turned three without a name and only incurred hospital bills, were an educator couple. The couple in their 40s, who wanted to have a child, reportedly decided their hearts after seeing a round-eyed baby boy on the adoption waiting list. The procedures progressed quickly, and I received the name Ira from them. For three years, until I was three, four, and five years old, I cried and wailed like a baby, bothering the novice parents, and spent happy days, but misfortune unexpectedly arrived.

At five years old, I officially registered as a Soul Aura User through an aura examination. People who wanted to exploit me, having manifested as an A-class at such a young age, flocked to us. My adoptive parents, who had no aura users in their family, were genuinely happy at first, but gradually grew tired of people’s dark intentions.

One day, a relative from my adoptive mother’s side came with an Adapter. For the first time, I let the Adapter’s aura in and felt very confused. After the Adapter left, my adoptive mother held and comforted me as I fidgeted uneasily. My adoptive father also gently stroked my back with his large hand, reassuring me. I clearly remember whimpering and burying myself in their arms.

The reason I was disowned was because of my abilities as a Soul Aura User. I could read people’s minds and emotional states, and like many young Soulers, I didn’t know how to control it. Not long after encountering the Adapter, a distant relative visited and was talking about putting me in a research institute. Listening quietly in my father’s arms, I spoke of the emotions that surfaced. ‘That person is lying. They dislike Father. They have other intentions.’ In reality, that person intended to sell me as a Knight (a Soul Aura User who uses their abilities to serve others in illicit ways, operating in the shadows, including sex work). My wise adoptive parents handed that person over to the police, but I was not subject to the Aura User Protection Law, and the person was released in about a month on the grounds that they had not actually committed a crime. And immediately afterward, they sought out my adoptive father and inflicted retaliatory harm.

Thanks to the kitchen knife missing vital organs, the surgery was successful. However, his heart could not be healed. Who would have expected retaliation? The wound of nearly being murdered is difficult to heal. That wound and fear are eternally difficult to overcome. I know that fact all too well. Every time they saw me, they must have thought, ‘If only this child weren’t here, such a thing wouldn’t have happened.’

On the day my adoptive father was discharged, my adoption was terminated. Since they adopted me without knowing I was a Soul Aura User, the termination process wasn’t complicated. The day I returned to the center was a cold winter day. My adoptive parents dropped me off in the parking lot and left. I stood there for a moment in the snowy wind before returning to the center. It was all my fault. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been there.

“If it’s revealed that your adoptive father was stabbed because you provoked that person with your Soul Aura abilities, you’ll never be able to live as an idol again.”

Shin Dong-woo’s threat is despicable. Even more so because it’s true.

It was then that I desperately endured my throbbing heart.

“Ira, are you okay? You haven’t said a word for a while.”

Mun’s voice broke my train of thought. Opening my eyes, I saw the members looking at me with worried expressions. The members, fully made up from head to toe and dressed in suits for our first song, all sparkled brightly.

“Hey, are you nervous? Just let yourself hit a wrong note on the first line. If you do, I can relax and hit one too.”

“Exactly. You’ve never hit a wrong note, but this time, do it as fan service.”

Han-sae and Mun tried to ease my tension with jokes.

“Hyung, I’m nervous too. Hold my hand.”

It was Yadan, fidgeting with his in-ear monitor, who said that. Before his hand could reach me, it was caught by Jae-yi.

“No one here isn’t nervous right now. The fans are probably as nervous as we are. Don’t worry too much.”

Jae-yi, with his black suit, hair swept back, and prominent dark eyebrows, outwardly looked like a cool Black Panther, but his repeated habit of moistening his lips revealed his nervousness.

“I’m fine. I won’t hit any wrong notes. If anything, it seems like you and Hyung are more nervous than me?”

I smiled lightly and looked around at the members. The thought that this concert might be my last stage with the members still weighed heavily on my heart, but precisely because of that, I drew an even brighter smile. My current parents, who chose me after I caused trouble and was abandoned, and my only younger sibling must also be watching. Kwon Su-han might also be somewhere, as nervous as I am. We poured our blood, sweat, and tears into preparing for today. For the members, and for myself.

“Let’s do well, everyone. It’ll be a moment we’ll never forget.”

The members all nodded, saying, “Yeah!” Their figures, blooming amidst nervousness and excitement, shone brightly, and similar emotions welled up in my heart.

“Waaahhh!!!”

“Kyaaahh!!”

The cheers were so loud they felt like they would burst eardrums. The fans, filling the standing and seated areas, screamed as if the roof would fly off when we appeared. When Mun opened his mouth to tell them to calm down, the cheers grew even louder. As it was their first concert, everyone was in a state of excitement. Since the cheering showed no signs of dying down and they couldn’t start, Jae-yi finally took the microphone.

“Quiet. Yell again after we’ve said our greetings.”

At that, the cheers instantly grew loud again, then rapidly subsided. Were they overwhelmed by Jae-yi’s charisma?

We greeted the audience in order. As I finished my greeting, which was the last, cheers erupted so loudly I wondered if it was really okay. I could already see a fan being pulled out from the standing section. The first song hadn’t even started…

After three group songs, Yadan, Mun, Han-sae, Jae-yi, and I would perform our individual stages in that order.

Yadan prepared a sand performance that had been well-received during the last promotion. I created a sand desert for the background. Actually, Motioners can also create illusions, so my help wasn’t largely necessary; I only focused on the detailed parts.

Mun and Han-sae arranged songs from Endorphin’s album for their stages. Since both are non-aura users, Jae-yi and I added illusions to their performances.

To match Mun, who wore a blue perm and flowing costume, I created a sea landscape. I painted a blue sea with the sky reflected in the sunlight-sparkling waves, as if looking out from a beach on a clear day. Jae-yi generated a pleasantly gentle breeze towards the audience. Mun’s solo song was a bright and cheerful tune with light choreography. His refreshing voice made me feel good even backstage.

Han-sae, in contrast to Mun, presented a stage reminiscent of a back alley. Unlike Mun, who performed with female dancers in sporty attire, Han-sae was with swaggering male dancers covered in tattoos. To evoke the feeling of a rainy back alley, I created an illusion of falling rain. Since Jae-yi didn’t have to prepare his own solo stage, I did this part alone, and I was inwardly relieved to have successfully created it just as I’d practiced, at the right time.

Jae-yi appeared wearing a formal martial arts uniform from the Asura Kingdom.

I watched, mesmerized. Every time I see Jae-yi’s solo performance, his precise, resolute, and powerful swordplay, I become completely absorbed. Not all Motioners can do what Jae-yi does. Even S-class users cannot be as overwhelmingly powerful as Jae-yi. Jae-yi used minimal illusions in his sword dance. Aside from generating wind or moving his sword in the air, no other illusions were added. That’s what made it even more impressive.

As Jae-yi finished his solo performance, cheers erupted from the audience.

I’m proud that Jae-yi is our member.

Han-sae, Mun, and our maknae Yadan too.

I’m proud to be on the same team. Beyond just pride, being able to create a stage with my friends felt moving in a new way.

My heart swelled. I wanted to perform quickly. I wanted to go on stage. It was the same desire to be on stage, but it was different from before debut, when fear was overwhelming. This was the first time I’d felt this way before a performance.

When I first thought I wanted to be an idol. That moment came to mind. When I decided I had to be an idol.

After Jae-yi’s stage, the members gathered on stage. I went up too.

“How did you like Jae-yi’s stage, everyone?”

After a moment of cheers like “Cool!” and “Sexy!”, the members each commented on the stage. I said it was so cool it was annoying, and Jae-yi smiled contentedly at my remark.

“Oh, but Ira. Why did your clothes change?”

Mun asked as per the script. I was wearing a loose-fitting, thin white sweater and dark jeans.

The stage I prepared was a song. Without choreography, without aura. I arranged two album tracks to create a song just over 5 minutes long. I wanted to sing it quickly.

“Oh, my clothes changed. Why did they change?”

“How can you ask that? The clothes are so cute. With a baby perm and a white sweater, I can’t even tease you.”

“I think I know why Ira changed. He’s trying to make us cry buckets, right?”

“Haha, actually, we all know, don’t we, everyone?”

Han-sae shouted to the fans.

“Alright, who’s left now?”

“Ira!!”

“Ira!!!!”

The fans’ voices were so desperate that I burst out laughing. So cute, really.

“Alright, shall we all listen to Ira’s song? I listened to it during practice, no joke, like two hundred times? And I cried every single time.”

“Ah, don’t exaggerate.”

“I’m serious! Later, just hearing the intro made me tear up. Like Pavlov’s dog.”

“That’s right, hyung. I even saw Jae-yi cry. Huh? It’s not a lie, but the fans don’t believe us.”

“They’ll believe it when they hear it. But the song…”

It was about time for the song’s intro to start, but no accompaniment was heard, so we all looked at the staff.

“The song is coming out late?”

“Yeah. What’s the director doing?”

“It seems there’s a slight issue. Fans, please calm down a little. Though I know you won’t.”

The members were flustered by the absence of music, and the staff were in a commotion. Was it a sound malfunction?

“Kyaaaah!!”

Just as I was regaining my composure, an immense cheer suddenly erupted, startling me so much my shoulders jumped. The members also looked completely surprised.

“Hello, everyone. It’s been a while.”

Go Yu-jin was walking out, waving with a dazzling smile.

He wasn’t wearing makeup. His attire was a formal suit. He was holding a handheld microphone.

“Go Yu-jin??????”

“How did you get here, hyung???”

The members were all as stunned as I was.

“Surprised, weren’t you? Since it’s an Endorphin concert, I wanted to participate. It was tough keeping it a secret from you guys.”

“Wow, I never even imagined it.”

Although they tried not to show it, I could sense an awkward and subtle feeling from the members.

“Six of us on stage, that’s amazing! Come on over, hyung. Stand in the middle.”

Han-sae genuinely welcomed him.

Mun patted my shoulder and whispered. At his suggestion to postpone my solo stage for now, I smiled and nodded.

Of course. Since Go Yu-jin had appeared, all the fans’ attention would now be on him. If I sang in this atmosphere, I might be booed.

“It’s been a while. You should have given us a heads-up that you were coming.”

“Haha, I wanted to surprise you. The plan succeeded.”

We greeted Go Yu-jin. Everyone was smiling, but Jae-yi was cynical. I truly envied that he was always such a character.

I knew Go Yu-jin was observing my reaction. I just hoped my expression wasn’t too awkward.

“It reminds me of when we debuted. It was my wish to hold a solo concert in such a large venue.”

Go Yu-jin smiled as he looked at the vast stage and the packed audience. He looked wistful at a glance, and I even felt a hint of envy from him.

“Brother, why didn’t you at least do a concert before you quit?”

“Maybe I should have. Do you sing our debut song? I still remember the dance.”

“Aw, it hasn’t even been two years, of course we remember. Besides, you created the choreography.”

“The choreography was incredibly difficult, wasn’t it? Jae-yi memorized it in an instant, but it took me three days to learn it.”

“You learned it early. It took Han-sae and me over a week. Oh, the fans are laughing, you know how hard the choreography was, right?”

“I remember that. I taught Mun, and Jae-yi taught Han-sae. One-on-one personal coaching.”

“I wanted to learn from you too, brother. Jae-yi was so scary… Someone made a compilation of memes from our pre-debut reality show where I got scolded by Jae-yi. If the person who made that is here, please show your face!”

The fans burst into laughter accompanied by cheers. Since the lights were on, I could see each and every one of the fans’ expressions clearly. They all had such happy smiles across their faces.

“If I had taught you, I would have scolded you like Jae-yi too. It’s a good thing we have Mun.”

“Kyaaa!”

Cheers erupted every time Go Yu-jin said something.

Seeing how happy they looked, I lowered my microphone volume, just in case my voice might interrupt.

Should I step aside?

Someone like me, a stumbling block, would only be a hindrance to their memories.

It came back to me too. When the company first planned Endorphin, I was a member. But Go Yu-jin said he wanted to do it, so I was removed. I watched from right beside them those days of practicing, laughing, and chatting together. I’m sure I’ll never forget those memories. Even I, who was just a bystander, felt that way.

It was only natural to reminisce about that time at this concert. I know how many people think Go Yu-jin is the real Endorphin member… and that someone like Ira should be excluded from this place.

My parents and Min, who might be watching, might be upset. Later, I’ll just… tell them it was all part of the script.

I took a couple of steps back so the fans could comfortably take in the original Endorphin. I even stepped aside, thinking it would be good to get out of the spotlight completely, but the light kept following me, so I just stood still.

‘Where are you going?’

Jae-yi spotted me and mouthed the words. I just smiled, and then Jae-yi fiercely furrowed his brows, strode over, and grabbed my wrist.

Jae-yi covered his microphone with his hand and asked.

“Did you turn off your mic?”

“Uh… how did you know?”

“Why? Why did you turn it off?”

“Because I’d just be in the way…”

“Ha.”

Jae-yi let out a rough breath. I fidgeted nervously.

“You, go to the center right now. Because of you, I’m getting all the attention.”

“Damn it, don’t talk nonsense. You’re the main character, why are you avoiding it?”

“No. The main character is…”

The cheers were fading, and my heart felt uneasy. The fans were watching us, wondering what was happening. Go Yu-jin and the members were also looking our way. At Han-sae’s bewildered expression, I just smiled as if nothing was wrong.

“What’s wrong? Standing so far away… Is something the matter?”

“Ira just turned off his mic volume.”

“Huh? Ira. Did you turn off your mic? Why did you turn it off??”

Oh my god… It was the combined work of the oblivious Jae-yi and the clueless Han-sae. Mun and Yadan’s expressions visibly stiffened. Go Yu-jin created a truly puzzled expression. The murmuring among the fans intensified.

The new member, who turned off his mic just as an original member returned.

It was obvious how this fact would be perceived.

I was so despairing I couldn’t even control my expression. I ruined Endorphin’s concert, which might have been their last…

“Ira, sing!”

Someone shouted from the suddenly quiet audience.

“Ira, sing!”

“Ira!”

“Ira!”

And the shouts spread. I looked at the fans.

The fans were taking something out from below.

It was chaotic for a moment, then everyone was holding the same picket sign.

[Ira, I like you, I love you]

It was a picket sign with a yellow background and cute, rounded font.

Truly, not a single person was missing; everyone held it in their hands and was shouting my name.

I just blinked my eyes at the unbelievable sight, and Jae-yi released my wrist and whispered.

“The fans prepared it secretly for you. They weren’t supposed to hold them up now, but they all must have thought this was the right moment.”

I had seen videos of fans doing such events during other idol groups’ performances.

I had never even dreamed of it.

I closed and opened my eyes once. Tears streamed down my cheeks. Seeing my tears, the fans became even more excited and shouted loudly, but their words were jumbled and inaudible. Still, I understood. I felt their concern for me. Their affection was completely conveyed… I cried and laughed at the same time. Even though my expression must have been bizarre, the cheers grew louder. In that moment, Go Yu-jin was not in front of the fans. And in front of me, there were no fans of Go Yu-jin.

They wanted me. My song.

I looked at the center of the stage. Go Yu-jin stood there with a coldly stiff expression.

That’s my spot.

I walked towards the center.