CY – Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Section Two

After the second class, there was a mandatory run around the track. Zhang Xiaotian headed to the field after using the restroom. The broadcast was still playing martial music, and the track was filled with students in blue school uniforms, gathered by class, chatting and joking, but not yet in formation. Zhang Xiaotian hadn’t recognized everyone in his class yet, so he walked in the general direction. As he passed Class Four, someone called out to him, and he simply responded.

A few steps further, Zhang Xiaotian heard someone calling his name from behind. He turned to see Lu Bai, accompanied by a few other boys. Zhang Xiaotian thought for a moment; since he didn’t know where Class One’s formation was anyway, he walked towards the group.

“Deskmate, I’ve been calling you for ages!” Lu Bai said with a smile. Just as Zhang Xiaotian was about to explain he hadn’t heard, the boy next to Lu Bai spoke up first:

“He doesn’t know you, why would he bother with an annoying guy like you?”

“Hey, what are you saying? This is my deskmate!” Lu Bai tutted. “Didn’t you see my deskmate come over as soon as he saw me?”

Listening to Lu Bai and the other boy bicker, Zhang Xiaotian quietly observed the boy who had spoken. The boy had a dark complexion, making it almost impossible to distinguish the line between his dark circles and his natural skin tone. He was tall, appearing to be more than half a head taller than Lu Bai standing beside him, yet he was very thin and slightly hunched, giving him a fragile appearance.

“Damn, you say the relationship is good, then it’s good.” The boy rubbed his head and scanned Zhang Xiaotian from head to toe. Zhang Xiaotian stood still, letting him look.

Lu Bai slapped his forehead. “Ah, I forgot to introduce you. Deskmate, this is Li An, our class monitor.”

Li An straightened up slightly. Seeing that Zhang Xiaotian only nodded, he let out a soft hum and hunched back over.

The students directly in front of the rostrum were lining up. A few people looked over and waved at them. Li An, with one hand in his pocket, raised the other to wave back, then turned to Lu Bai and asked, “Going?”

“Let’s go, let’s go!” Lu Bai nodded in agreement and then beckoned Zhang Xiaotian. “Let’s go, deskmate, our class is over there.”

Zhang Xiaotian followed them. Lu Bai and Li An went to their respective positions, while Zhang Xiaotian, having no assigned spot, stood at the end of the line. Before long, a whistle sounded from the broadcast, and the formations of each class began to run. In the north, the running exercises favored a tight “tofu block” formation, with very little space between rows. To put it bluntly, if someone farted, no one could escape it. However, Zhang Xiaotian was in a row by himself with no one behind him. As he ran with the group, he deliberately lagged a little behind, maintaining a comfortable distance from the person in front.

Before even halfway through the four laps, some people were using the excuse of tying their shoelaces to sneak off to the restroom or the shops. Someone in front of Zhang Xiaotian also slipped away, and others automatically filled the gap. Zhang Xiaotian shifted over one position, still standing alone in the last row. As he ran, he let his mind wander, his gaze drifting aimlessly until it settled on Lu Bai, who, despite his height, was running in the front row. Lu Bai’s running was bouncy, and a tuft of hair on his head bobbed with his strides. Zhang Xiaotian, lost in thought watching that tuft of hair, didn’t pay attention to his footing and stepped on the heel of the student in front of him.

“Hey!” The person in front jumped, startled. Zhang Xiaotian also snapped back to attention and quickly apologized. The person didn’t say anything, just waved his hand and walked past Zhang Xiaotian to the side of the track to tie his shoe. Zhang Xiaotian made way for him and shifted over again. He raised his head to continue running and noticed that the tuft of hair he had been staring at was gone.

Perhaps he had also run off. Zhang Xiaotian changed his focus to another target. Just as he was spacing out, someone suddenly patted his shoulder.

“Hey!” This time, Zhang Xiaotian was startled. Some of the students in front looked back. Zhang Xiaotian felt a little embarrassed, but when he turned and saw who had patted him, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“What’s wrong, not happy to see me? I specifically came to the back row to keep you company.” Lu Bai grinned, his smile a little dazzling.

“Isn’t it because you were caught skipping the run?”

“How can you think of me that way?” Lu Bai put on a stern face. “I’m one of the top ten model deskmates in the country, a man who has engraved caring for his deskmate into his soul. How could I possibly watch my deskmate be alone in the lonely cold wind?”

What “top ten model deskmates in the country”? And “cold wind”? Zhang Xiaotian glanced sideways and saw someone in front of him running while taking off his jacket and tying it around his waist. Sweat glistened on his arms, reflecting the sunlight. Lu Bai’s words had so many points to critique that Zhang Xiaotian didn’t know where to start, so he decided not to say anything. Lu Bai chattered on beside him, but Zhang Xiaotian wasn’t really listening, only occasionally responding with an “uh-huh” or “oh.” Before long, the noise beside him stopped. Zhang Xiaotian had almost gotten used to this background noise, and the sudden silence made him ask, “Why aren’t you talking anymore?”

“I see you’re not interested in anything I say.” Lu Bai pouted.

“That’s fine too.” Zhang Xiaotian was also starting to feel warm from the run. He rolled up his sleeves to his forearms and couldn’t help but say, “I thought you were afraid the cold wind would give you a toothache.”

“Damn, deskmate!” Lu Bai burst out laughing, revealing a row of white teeth that shone brightly. “You’re quite funny!”

“Not as funny as you,” Zhang Xiaotian replied.

“Really? You really think I’m funny?” Lu Bai tutted. “I wouldn’t believe it even if I were a ghost.”

“You don’t believe it? Then just be quiet.” Zhang Xiaotian said.

“That won’t do. When have you ever seen my mouth stop?” Lu Bai shook his head earnestly and then continued, “Should we run too?”

“If you want to run, you run,” Zhang Xiaotian said, rolling his sleeves back down. “I’m not running.”

“Let’s go, deskmate, let’s go to the small canteen. I want to buy a bag of ‘Lucky’.”

Lu Bai’s “small canteen” referred to the school store at Fourth High School, and “Lucky” was the name of a brand of instant noodles.

“I’m not going.”

“Then I’m leaving?” Lu Bai asked again. “Am I really leaving?”

Zhang Xiaotian waved him away, urging him to go quickly.

Lu Bai quickened his pace around the bend and, using the blind spot of the trees, left the formation from the outer edge. Zhang Xiaotian continued to run with the group. After a few steps, he felt a sense of… boredom.

Yes, boredom. The martial music from the broadcast was still blaring, the footsteps were synchronized, and there were occasional conversations. It was as lively as the usual running exercises during breaks, but at this moment, Zhang Xiaotian felt a secret, previously ignored feeling resurfacing, like the sprout of a plant that hasn’t seen the sun for a long time, desperately pushing towards the light. He ran a few more steps, and just as he was about to exit the turn, he ran off the track with another student who was also skipping the run. Reaching the roadside, he didn’t know where to go, so he headed directly back to his classroom.

Upon returning to the classroom, two people were already inside, likely friends talking. They stopped talking when they saw Zhang Xiaotian at the doorway. Zhang Xiaotian found it amusing and slightly irritating that they stopped talking just because he appeared. He usually entered and exited through the back door, but this time, after a brief hesitation, he walked in through the front door and proceeded from the first row to the last, passing the two without looking, and sat down at his own desk. After Zhang Xiaotian walked past, the two resumed their conversation, albeit in lower voices. Sitting at his desk, listening to the hushed conversations in the room, Zhang Xiaotian suddenly felt like he was being foolish.

The broadcast announced the director’s instructions for each class to return to their classrooms. Although it would be a while before they entered the teaching building, the sound of hurried footsteps echoed from the hallway, approaching from a distance. Zhang Xiaotian looked towards the doorway and saw Lu Bai about to run past.

Lu Bai seemed surprised to see him as well. He was originally heading for the back door but turned back and entered through the front, his steps agile as he headed to the last row, bringing with him a warm breeze. With a “thwack,” he threw something onto the desk, pulled out a chair, and sat down.

“You skipped too? Didn’t you say you weren’t going to?”

“I felt like it, so I skipped,” Zhang Xiaotian said, looking at the desk. It was a bag of instant noodles.

“If I had known you were skipping too, I would have joined you later.” Lu Bai tucked the bag of instant noodles into his desk drawer and then placed his textbook on the desk. “I almost ran into the director right after I came out of the small canteen. Luckily, I’m fast, or he would have seen my face.”

Watching him busily moving around beside him, Zhang Xiaotian’s strong feeling of being excluded suddenly disappeared. He caught a faint scent of starch sausage that Lu Bai had brought back and, for the first time, found the smell rather appealing.

“They’re selling starch sausage at the small canteen today?” Zhang Xiaotian blurted out unintentionally.

“What?” Lu Bai didn’t hear him clearly.

“Nothing,” Zhang Xiaotian said, as if waking from a dream. He then added, “If you had skipped with me, you wouldn’t have gotten the instant noodles.”

“Even if I bought them now, I wouldn’t be able to eat many. I might as well buy them after class.” Lu Bai squeezed the bag a few times through its packaging, tore it open, and was about to pour it into his mouth. Suddenly, he glanced sideways at Zhang Xiaotian and brought the instant noodles closer to him.

“Want some?” Lu Bai asked.

Zhang Xiaotian wondered if he looked that eager, but the words of refusal stuck in his throat. For a moment, neither of them moved.

Lu Bai waited for a moment, sighed, and held up his hand, palm facing up, gesturing with his chin. Zhang Xiaotian followed suit, extending his palm. He picked out the most intact piece from the bag of instant noodles and placed it in Lu Bai’s palm before pouring some into his own mouth. He chewed a few mouthfuls and then said, “I’ll buy you some next time. This time I… didn’t think of it.”

“No, I…” Zhang Xiaotian wanted to explain that he wasn’t really craving it, but before he could finish, he heard the sounds of footsteps and talking from the hallway. Lu Bai quickly poured more into his mouth and signaled for Zhang Xiaotian to eat quickly too. Zhang Xiaotian looked at the piece of instant noodles in his palm and suddenly felt it was too hot to hold. He hastily put it in his mouth and chewed for a long time without tasting anything.

After evening self-study, the class advisor called Zhang Xiaotian over and told him that his mother was there to pick him up. Zhang Xiaotian felt embarrassed and didn’t even dare to look at the advisor when he said goodbye. Following the advisor’s instructions, he found his mother’s car at the school gate. As soon as he got in, he said, “You don’t need to pick me up from school anymore. I can go home by myself.”

“You’ll get lost,” his mother said, starting the car and driving away from the school.

“I won’t get lost,” Zhang Xiaotian insisted. “I already looked at the bus routes yesterday.”

“No need,” his mother refused him decisively, without even offering a reason. Seeing this, Zhang Xiaotian didn’t want to say any more. The car windows were closed, and the interior was so quiet that he could hear the sound of traffic outside.

“You… Xiaotian, what did you have for dinner?” His mother seemed to realize her tone had been off and tried to smooth things over. “Mom will bring you dinner tomorrow, okay?”

“No need… it’s too much trouble,” Zhang Xiaotian also began to speak cautiously. “I’ll just grab something to eat.”

“How can that be?” His mother, who had started speaking softly, raised her voice as she continued. “Home-cooked meals are clean and safe. What if you get sick eating out? You’d have to take time off, which would delay your studies…” She paused, as if realizing something, and forcibly lowered her voice, speaking in a tone that was on the verge of anger yet trying to be patient. She added, “Mom is just worried about your health. Your father definitely wouldn’t have taken good care of you before.”

Zhang Xiaotian was silent for a long time. He felt that living like this was rather meaningless. He should have realized long ago that his mother was dissatisfied with him in many ways, but for some reason he didn’t understand, she had grudgingly taken custody of him. He didn’t have the ability to defy his mother’s decisions, nor could he make choices about his own life.

“Xiaotian, do you understand what Mom is saying?” his mother urged him for a response.

“Mm. I understand.”

Zhang Xiaotian said.