CY – Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Section Two

After the second class, there was a mandatory run around the track. Zhang Xiaotian headed towards the sports field after using the restroom. The broadcast was still playing the march for athletes, and the track was filled with students in blue school uniforms, clustered by class, chatting and fooling around, but not yet in formation. Zhang Xiaotian hadn’t recognized everyone in his class yet, so he walked in the general direction. As he passed Class Four, someone called out to him, and he simply responded.

After walking a few more steps, Zhang Xiaotian heard someone call his name from behind. He turned around and saw Lu Bai, with a few other boys beside him. Zhang Xiaotian thought for a moment; he didn’t know where Class One’s formation was anyway, so he walked towards the group.

“Deskmate, I’ve been calling you for ages!” Lu Bai said with a smile. Just as Zhang Xiaotian was about to explain that he hadn’t heard, the boy next to Lu Bai spoke first:

“He doesn’t know you, why would he bother with you, you annoying pest?”

“Hey, what are you saying? This is my deskmate!” Lu Bai clicked his tongue. “Don’t you see my deskmate came over as soon as he saw me?”

As Zhang Xiaotian listened to Lu Bai and the other boy bicker, he quietly observed the boy who had spoken. The boy had dark skin, so dark that the line between his dark circles and his natural skin tone was almost indistinguishable. He was tall, appearing significantly taller than Lu Bai, but he was quite thin and slightly hunched, giving him a fragile appearance.

“Damn, if you say the relationship is good, then it’s good.” The boy rubbed his head and scanned Zhang Xiaotian up and down. Zhang Xiaotian stood still, letting him look.

Lu Bai slapped his forehead. “Oh, I forgot to introduce you. Deskmate, this is Li An, our class monitor.”

Li An straightened up slightly. Seeing Zhang Xiaotian merely nod, he let out a soft hum and hunched back over.

The students in front of the main stage were lining up. A few people were looking over and waving, Li An put one hand in his pocket and waved with the other, then turned to Lu Bai and asked, “Are we going?”

“Let’s go, let’s go!” Lu Bai nodded in agreement and then called to Zhang Xiaotian, “Let’s go, deskmate, our class is over there.”

Zhang Xiaotian followed them. Lu Bai and Li An went to their respective positions, while Zhang Xiaotian, having no designated spot, stood at the end of the line. Soon after, a whistle sounded from the broadcast, and the formations of each class began to move. In the north, the running exercises favored a “tofu block” formation, with rows very close together. To put it crudely, if someone farted, no one could escape it. However, Zhang Xiaotian was in a row by himself, with no one behind him. As he ran with the group, he deliberately fell back a bit, creating a comfortable distance between himself and the person in front.

Before the halfway point of the four laps, some students used the excuse of tying their shoelaces to sneak off to the restroom or the store. There were also people ahead of Zhang Xiaotian who sneaked away, and others automatically filled the gaps. Zhang Xiaotian moved over one spot, still standing alone in the last row. As he ran, he let his mind wander, his gaze drifting aimlessly, finally settling on Lu Bai, who, despite his height, was standing in the front row. Lu Bai ran with a bouncing gait, and a tuft of his hair swayed with his steps. Zhang Xiaotian, lost in thought while watching that tuft of hair, didn’t pay attention to his footing and stepped on the heel of the student in front of him.

“Hey!” The person in front jumped in surprise. Zhang Xiaotian snapped back to attention and quickly apologized. The person didn’t say anything, just waved his hand and walked past Zhang Xiaotian to the side of the track to adjust his shoe. Zhang Xiaotian made way for him and moved over another spot. He raised his head and continued running, only to find that the tuft of hair he had been staring at was gone.

Perhaps he had also run off. Zhang Xiaotian shifted his focus to a new target. Just as he was drifting off again, someone suddenly tapped his shoulder.

“Hey!” This time, Zhang Xiaotian was startled. Some of the students in front looked back. Zhang Xiaotian felt a bit embarrassed, but when he turned and saw who had tapped him, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“What’s wrong, not happy to see me? I specifically came to the back row to keep you company.” Lu Bai grinned, his teeth flashing.

“Isn’t it because you got caught skipping the run?”

“How can you think of me that way?” Lu Bai feigned a stern expression. “I’m one of the top ten model deskmates in the country, a man who has inscribed caring for his deskmate into his soul. How could I possibly let my deskmate be alone in the cold wind?”

What was this talk about top ten model deskmates? And cold wind? Zhang Xiaotian glanced sideways and saw someone in front of him taking off their jacket and tying it around their waist as they ran, their arms glistening with sweat under the sun. Lu Bai’s words were so full of points to criticize that Zhang Xiaotian didn’t know where to start, so he decided not to say anything. Lu Bai chattered on beside him, and Zhang Xiaotian didn’t listen too closely, only occasionally responding with “mm-hmm” or “ah.” Before long, the talking beside him stopped. Zhang Xiaotian had almost gotten used to this background noise, and its sudden silence prompted him to ask, “Why did you stop talking?”

“I see you’re not interested in anything I say.” Lu Bai pouted.

“That’s fine.” Zhang Xiaotian was also feeling a bit warm from running, so he rolled up his sleeves to his forearms and couldn’t help but say, “I thought you were afraid the cold wind would give you a cold.”

“Damn it, deskmate!” Lu Bai burst out laughing, his white teeth flashing again. “You’re quite amusing!”

“Not as amusing as you,” Zhang Xiaotian replied.

“Really? You think I’m amusing?” Lu Bai clicked his tongue. “Even as a ghost, I wouldn’t believe it.”

“Don’t believe it? Then just be quiet.” Zhang Xiaotian said.

“That’s not possible. When have you ever seen my mouth stop?” Lu Bai shook his head earnestly and then continued, “Are we going to run?”

“If you want to run, you run,” Zhang Xiaotian rolled his sleeves down again. “I’m not running.”

“Let’s go, deskmate, let’s go to the small cafeteria. I want to buy a bag of ‘Lucky’.”

The small cafeteria Lu Bai mentioned was the store within Fourth High School. “Lucky” was the name of a brand of instant noodles.

“I’m not going.”

“Then I’m leaving?” Lu Bai asked him again. “Am I really leaving?”

Zhang Xiaotian waved him away, urging him to go quickly.

Lu Bai quickened his pace around the bend and, using the blind spot of the trees, left the formation from the outer edge. Zhang Xiaotian continued to follow the formation, but after a few steps, he felt a bit… bored.

A bit bored, yes. The march from the broadcast was still blaring, the footsteps were synchronized, and there were occasional conversations, as lively as any usual break-time run. But at this moment, Zhang Xiaotian still felt a hidden, long-ignored feeling resurfacing, like the sprout of a plant that had been out of sunlight for a long time, desperately pushing towards the light it had found. He ran a few more steps, and just as he was about to round the bend, he ran off the track with another person who was also skipping the run. They reached the roadside, and not knowing where else to go, he headed straight back to the classroom.

Upon returning to the classroom, two people were already inside, likely talking because they were close. They stopped talking when they saw Zhang Xiaotian at the doorway. Zhang Xiaotian found it amusing, and a little annoying, that the two of them stopped talking just because he appeared. He usually entered and exited through the back door, but this time, after a moment’s hesitation, he walked in through the front door and proceeded from the first row to the last, looking straight ahead as he passed the two people and went directly to his seat. After Zhang Xiaotian had passed, the two resumed their conversation, albeit in lower voices. Sitting at his desk, listening to the hushed conversations in the room, Zhang Xiaotian suddenly felt like he was being weird.

The broadcast announced the director’s instructions for each class to line up and return to their classrooms. It would still be a while before they entered the teaching building, but the sound of hurried footsteps echoed from the hallway, approaching from a distance, as if they were running back. Zhang Xiaotian looked towards the doorway and saw Lu Bai about to run past.

Lu Bai seemed surprised to see him too. He had been heading straight for the back door but turned back and entered through the front, his steps agile as he went to the last row, bringing a gust of warm air with him. He threw something onto the desk with a “snap,” pulled out a chair, and sat down heavily.

“You ran too? Didn’t you say you weren’t running?”

“I ran when I felt like it.” Zhang Xiaotian looked at the desk. It was a bag of instant noodles.

“If I’d known you were running, I would have waited and gone with you.” Lu Bai tucked the bag of noodles into his desk drawer and then placed his textbook on the desk. “I almost ran into the director just as I was coming out of the small cafeteria. Luckily, I’m fast, or he would have seen my face.”

Watching him busy himself next to him, Zhang Xiaotian’s strong feeling of exclusion suddenly disappeared. He vaguely smelled the starch sausage that Lu Bai had brought back and, for the first time in a while, found it quite appealing.

“They have starch sausage at the small cafeteria today?” Zhang Xiaotian blurted out involuntarily.

“What?” Lu Bai didn’t hear clearly.

“Nothing.” Zhang Xiaotian seemed to wake up and then said, “If you had run with me, you wouldn’t have gotten the instant noodles.”

“Even if I bought them now, I wouldn’t be able to eat many. It’s better to buy them after class.” Lu Bai squeezed the bag a few times through the packaging, tore it open, and was about to pour it into his mouth. He suddenly glanced at Zhang Xiaotian and then brought the bag of noodles closer to him.

“Want some?” Lu Bai asked.

Zhang Xiaotian wondered if he looked that eager to eat, but the words of refusal caught in his throat, and neither of them moved for a moment.

Lu Bai waited for a while, sighed, and held up his hand, palm facing up, gesturing with his chin. Zhang Xiaotian followed suit, extending his palm. He picked out the most intact piece from the bag of noodles and placed it in Lu Bai’s palm. Then, he poured a bit into his own mouth, chewed it haphazardly for a few bites, and continued, “I’ll buy you some next time. This time, I… didn’t think of it.”

“No, I…” Zhang Xiaotian tried to explain that he wasn’t really hungry, but before he could finish, he heard the sounds of footsteps and talking from the hallway. Lu Bai quickly poured more into his mouth and gestured for Zhang Xiaotian to eat quickly. Zhang Xiaotian looked at the piece of instant noodles in his hand and suddenly felt it was a bit too hot to hold. He quickly stuffed it into his mouth and chewed for a long time, unable to taste anything.

When evening self-study ended, the class advisor called Zhang Xiaotian over and told him his mother was there to pick him up. Zhang Xiaotian felt embarrassed and didn’t even dare to look at the advisor’s face when he said goodbye. Following the advisor’s directions, he found his mother’s car at the school gate. As soon as he got in, he said, “You don’t need to pick me up after school anymore. I’ll go home myself.”

“You’ll get lost,” his mother said, starting the car and driving away from the school.

“I won’t get lost,” Zhang Xiaotian insisted. “I already looked up the bus route yesterday.”

“No need,” his mother refused him concisely, without offering any reason. Seeing this, Zhang Xiaotian didn’t want to say anything more. The car windows were tightly closed, and the silence inside was so profound that they could hear the sounds of traffic outside.

“You… Xiaotian, what did you have for dinner?” His mother seemed to realize her tone had been off and tried to smooth things over. “Mom will bring you dinner starting tomorrow, okay?”

“No need… it’s too much trouble,” Zhang Xiaotian also began to speak cautiously. “I can just eat something quick.”

“How can that be?” His mother’s initial words were soft, but her voice grew louder. “Home-cooked meals are clean and safe. What if you get sick eating outside? You’d have to take leave, which would delay your studies…” She was about to say more, but then seemed to realize something and forced herself to lower her voice, speaking in a tone that was on the verge of anger but had to be patient. “Mom is just worried about your health. Your father definitely wouldn’t have taken good care of you.”

Zhang Xiaotian remained silent for a long time. He felt that living like this was rather meaningless. He should have realized long ago that his mother was dissatisfied with him for many reasons, and she had grudgingly taken custody of him for reasons he didn’t understand. He didn’t have the ability to refute his mother’s decisions, nor could he make choices for his own life.

“Xiaotian, did you understand what Mom said?” His mother was still urging him to respond.

“Mm. I understand.”

Zhang Xiaotian said.