BCGWR Chapter 19 Part 1

Broken Jar 7

“…….”

“……Jji?”

Toto watched his owner standing blankly, then called out to Han Ji-su in a small voice.

Despite that, Han Ji-su didn’t react, just pressing firmly on his chest. The moment Toto opened his mouth again, Jung Ha-jin took a step closer to Han Ji-su.

“Han Ji-su Guide.”

“…….”

“Han Ji-su Guide? Are you alright?”

“……!! Ah…! Yes. Just… lost in thought for a moment, I apologize.”

“I see. There’s no need to apologize.”

Jung Ha-jin replied, then bent his upper body slightly to meet Han Ji-su’s eye level, but their gazes didn’t intertwine. Han Ji-su had his eyes squeezed shut, pressing firmly on his chest.

It was clear he wasn’t trying to avoid Jung Ha-jin’s gaze. Because, at this moment, Han Ji-su had a visibly distressed expression. He seemed extremely confused, as if he didn’t know why he was acting this way, and kept clutching the collar of his clothes over his chest, as if feeling suffocated.

Jung Ha-jin knew that Han Ji-su had undergone a mental-type brainwashing skill for therapeutic purposes, so he spoke in the gentlest voice possible to avoid startling him.

“Han Ji-su Guide. Let’s sit down first. Slowly.”

“…….”

He slowly extended a hand, careful not to surprise the other, gently wrapped it around Han Ji-su’s shoulder, and led him to the sofa.

Han Ji-su didn’t resist the soft push. He moved his body in the direction his hand guided him, and when he felt the soft cushion against the back of his knees, he relaxed his body.

Thump-

Sitting on the sofa, Han Ji-su suddenly felt his mind go blank and spoke.

“……I apologize. Jung Ha-jin Esper… I… um, as you may have heard, I’m currently… in a somewhat confused mental state…”

“It’s alright. There’s no need to apologize; it’s not something to be sorry for.”

“…Uh, yes… That… just a moment…”

Han Ji-su didn’t know what to say.

Whenever he tried to think about Kang Jae-yoon, his thoughts kept getting erased and scattered.

Like a hazy mist,

Like smoke that couldn’t be caught,

Like water slipping through his fingers…

He couldn’t grasp anything, couldn’t think at all.

The subject he wanted to think about was Kang Jae-yoon, but every time he tried to recognize and recall him, his memories were erased, making him feel like he was becoming an idiot.

He knew he couldn’t properly recall him now, and he tried to give up thinking about Kang Jae-yoon, but his stubborn brain, like a green frog, kept trying to remember him against his will.

The more he tried, the more Han Ji-su felt like a fierce wave was crashing over a sandcastle before it was even built, destroying everything.

‘Stop… stop thinking… Think of something else…’

Just moments ago, he had naturally forgotten about Kang Jae-yoon, and other thoughts had automatically come to mind. He couldn’t understand why he suddenly couldn’t control it.

Despite trying to think of other things, Han Ji-su’s brain stubbornly tried to recall Kang Jae-yoon. It persisted tirelessly, and just as he was about to remember, his memories were forcibly fragmented again and again.

As soon as something seemed to emerge, it would all evaporate, then he would try to think again, only for it to evaporate just before he could recall it.

‘What’s wrong with me? Let’s think about something else. Something else… Not Kang Jae-yoon… think of something else. Anything…’

They were clearly his own thoughts, but they were frighteningly uncontrollable.

All his thoughts kept being erased, leaving him confused. His eyes hurt. Although he wasn’t crying, his vision blurred. His breathing became increasingly ragged from the confusion.

He managed to lift his trembling hand to wipe his eyes, but no moisture was there. If he wasn’t crying, why did his eyes ache so much? Why couldn’t he see clearly?

Han Ji-su was suddenly seized by fear at the stinging pain in his eyes and his blurred vision.

“Hukk… huff…”

It felt as if he was suffocating, as if he lacked oxygen.

No, it wasn’t just a feeling…

‘Crazy… what is this? What’s wrong!?’

He was truly choking.

‘My breath…!’

He was clearly breathing, but it felt as if no oxygen was entering his body, suffocating him.

He tried to breathe somehow, but his chest tightened and felt stifled, as if no oxygen was being drawn in with each inhale. His head spun, and he felt dizzy.

“Jji!? Jji!! …Jju?”

A startled Toto frantically tried to climb onto Han Ji-su, but Jung Ha-jin extended his hand, stopping Toto.

“Jji?”

Toto, raising his head, watched Jung Ha-jin put his index finger to his lips in a ‘shush’ gesture and trembled slightly.

When Jung Ha-jin looked down at him, seemingly indicating that he was fine and to stay still, Toto, whose fur was fluffed up with anxiety, hesitantly but slowly calmed down.

While Toto’s agitated fur began to settle, Han Ji-su’s condition visibly worsened.

Jung Ha-jin, having first calmed Toto to prevent him from rushing in, sat beside Han Ji-su and slowly stroked his rapidly heaving back with his large hand.

“Han Ji-su Guide.”

“…Hmph…!!”

Startled, Han Ji-su trembled as if having a seizure, but the hand on his back didn’t withdraw. Instead, it pressed down gently, soothing his finely trembling back in a steady rhythm.

“Han Ji-su Guide. It’s alright. Breathe slowly.”

It was an excessively calm tone for someone speaking to another gasping as if about to die from lack of oxygen.

It was a low, composed voice, as if there was nothing to be surprised by, nothing to fear.

At the sound, which seemed to tell him not to be so anxious because nothing was wrong, Han Ji-su instinctively nodded, expressing his pain.

“Hukk… huff… Breath, I can’t, breathe… Hukk… hmph… I’m suffocating…”

“You’re breathing well right now. It’s okay, don’t be afraid.”

Despite the repeated reassurances that he was okay and doing well, he couldn’t calm down easily. He felt incredibly stifled.

He felt as if he was drowning in an illusory water, suffocating. It was as if something invisible was stealing all his breath.

Feeling intense pain as if he were choking, Han Ji-su clutched his chest and curled up.

“Hmph… ugh…”