BCGWR Chapter 31 Part 1

030. Sweet Dreams 2

Just getting out of bed, leaving the room, telling Jung Ha-jin the truth, and asking him to take me to the hospital—for some reason, it was hard to do. I felt strangely dazed, as if a hazy fog had settled in my mind.

It was indeed a serious situation, but it felt as if it wasn’t serious. I absolutely had to say something, but then suddenly it felt like I didn’t need to.

Even as Han Ji-su recalled that he should be alarmed by his condition, he couldn’t bring himself to be. His thoughts wouldn’t connect, and he felt dizzy, as if someone had forcibly blocked the flow of his thoughts.

‘…Kang Jae-yoon hyung… If hyung were here, I think I could tell him…’

If Kang Jae-yoon were beside him, Han Ji-su felt he could jump up and clearly say, “Hyung, hyung,” calling out to him, “Something’s wrong with me right now, my memories are fragmented, I don’t know why, I think I need to go to a Guide specialized hospital.”

Then Kang Jae-yoon would try to hide his worried gaze, calmly stroke Han Ji-su’s hair repeatedly, gently cup his cheek, ask if he had a headache, and press his forehead against Han Ji-su’s to check for a fever. It would be an act of habit, more to soothe Han Ji-su’s anxiety than to actually check his temperature.

He would certainly put Han Ji-su in his car and drive him to the hospital immediately. Throughout the various tests at the hospital, he would probably whisper “It’s okay” and embrace Han Ji-su’s shoulder, comforting him.

Even the sight of him, feigning calm despite his own nervousness, smiling with crinkled eyes, telling Han Ji-su not to worry about anything, saying, “It’s okay because hyung is here”… Kang Jae-yoon’s image, raising their interlocked hands, kissing the ring on Han Ji-su’s middle finger, and playfully smiling at him, was vivid in Han Ji-su’s mind.

Then, suddenly, Han Ji-su realized.

‘…Huh…? Right now… I can… think of Kang Jae-yoon hyung…?

Once he registered the fact that he could recall Kang Jae-yoon, oddly enough, his suppressed memories began to surface in sequence. They didn’t start with recent memories; instead, the oldest memories gradually emerged, as if his own memories had been finely divided and sorted chronologically.

‘Hello, you said your name was Han Ji-su, right? I’m Kang Jae-yoon. How old are you, by the way? Middle schooler?’

The sight of him, unlike the other trainees who were wary of Han Ji-su, who had suddenly joined late due to the manager’s casting, approaching first, greeting him kindly, and smiling.

‘Ji-su, eat a little more. If you only eat that much, you’ll struggle during practice later.’

The sight of him generously dishing meat side dishes onto Han Ji-su’s plate before intensive choreography practice began.

‘Hmm… Ji-su. Actually, you shouldn’t tell the other kids about the dignity maintenance allowance… Didn’t the manager tell you? No, it’s not your fault… Well, not all trainees receive company money. It’s only for those who are somewhat confirmed for debut and need pocket money right away. Haha, so what they said to you earlier… No, Ji-su, you didn’t do anything wrong. Just don’t worry about it. They’re the ones who are wrong. Don’t cry.’

The sight of him comforting Han Ji-su and offering an electrolyte drink next to him, as Han Ji-su crouched and cried alone in the emergency exit, having been verbally abused by the trainee hyungs for accidentally making a mistake and being accused of bragging about being confirmed for debut based on his looks, despite joining late.

‘Ji-su, Mr. Hwang just said that to snap the kids out of it. Don’t worry. Hey, why wouldn’t our Ji-su debut? I told you we’d do it together, hyung and you, right? He just says that to make them nervous because they’re slacking off. He often scolds us like that. Don’t cry. Okay?’

On a day they were all heavily scolded, the gentle voice that squeezed into the bunk bed next to Han Ji-su, who was crying under his blanket on the second floor, afraid of being dropped from the debut lineup, and hugged him, blanket and all, patting and comforting him.

‘Ji-su, you worked so hard. Let’s do well together from now on, okay?’

The touch of his hand, roughly stroking Han Ji-su’s hair like petting a dog, as they sat together on the dorm bed the day their debut was confirmed.

‘Haha, we all did so well. I feel great, everyone! Right?’

The face that, though just as nervous as the other members, hugged his younger bandmates, slapped them on the back, and encouraged them, saying they had done well after completing their first stage without a mistake.

‘Ji-su, your fan site master is over there. No, not there, the other side, here, this way.’

The day he grabbed Han Ji-su’s cheeks and sharply turned his head towards a fan site master’s camera he’d missed, resulting in a comical photo.

‘Ji-su, eat before you go. Eat even a little.’

The hand that always woke up early to make sure Han Ji-su ate tofu salad and low-sugar cereal, and neatly arranged his school uniform at the front door before he left.

‘We can always come back to travel later. Does your stomach hurt less now?’

The sight of him constantly worrying in Santorini, when Han Ji-su had an upset stomach, so he stayed at the accommodation with him, forgoing delicacies to eat instant porridge.

‘Haha, our Ji-su, how’s your first taste of beer?’

The playful sight of him asking for Han Ji-su’s thoughts, who had just turned twenty, when he frowned at his first beer during a self-produced content shoot with his hyungs.

‘Ji-su, buckle up and duck your head!!!’

The urgent voice that cried out as he sharply turned the steering wheel to avoid a wasp and camel cricket, each the size of a motorcycle, that had suddenly flown into the car, creatures Han Ji-su had never seen before.

‘Shhh… Shhh, it’s okay, Ji-su, it’s okay. Hyung… hyung chased all those men away. Don’t look over there, just look at hyung and follow me. It’s okay. Let’s the two of us go and hide somewhere where no one else is.’

The moment Kang Jae-yoon, who had silenced an entire group of survivors wielding weapons and trying to steal the food the two had gathered, with an indescribable power, repeatedly said “It’s okay” in a trembling voice, holding Han Ji-su’s hand tightly and telling him not to look down, but only at his hyung’s face as they walked…

‘Ji-su. Hyung will go out and talk to those people, so you stay here with the younger ones and the elders. Don’t ever open the door for anyone else, just hyung. Got it? Don’t ever open the door for anyone else.’

The sight of him, somehow becoming the leader of a survivor group with many children and vulnerable people, single-handedly driving away looters from other groups…