BCGWR Chapter 51 Part 1

050. Side Effect 6

In a very short time, he composed his expression and cleared his throat, then carefully stroked his neck, swallowed hard, and continued.

“I… I wish I could offer you something hopeful, but I’m truly sorry.”

Surprised by Jung Ha-jin’s sudden apology, Ji-su’s eyes widened.

He shook his head with an expression that said it was absolutely nothing to apologize for, but Jung Ha-jin still kept his gaze downcast, looking crestfallen.

No, it wasn’t just crestfallen. Even though he had done nothing wrong, he sat there with a guilt-ridden expression, as if terribly sorry about something. So, Ji-su placed his other hand over Jung Ha-jin’s large hand, which was covering his own, and expressed his feelings verbally.

“Why are you apologizing, Jung Ha-jin Esper…? Rather, I… I’m sorry for being swayed and asking something strange.”

“…”

“It’s something I would have known if I’d thought about it for a moment… I was surprised and couldn’t think rationally. Of course, that kind of thing is obviously fake… But I’ve come to my senses now, so don’t worry. Really.”

“…”

Considering how agitated Ji-su became just from the rumor of an issue that was obviously fake if one thought about it calmly, he understood why Jung Ha-jin hadn’t stopped Toto from hiding the phone.

Han Ji-su felt frustrated and incredibly ashamed. He himself used to scoff at people who were easily swayed by absurd rumors, but now he found himself in that very position, which felt even more pathetic.

He had confidently declared to Jung Ha-jin that he wouldn’t be hurt by media reactions, but less than a minute later, he was completely swayed. How foolish must he have looked…?

‘I thought everyone who blindly believes and is swayed by the media was foolish… I’m the most pathetic.’

During his idol activities, his manager had always emphasized it.

Ji-su, honestly speaking, you’re not on the smarter side, so you can easily get carried away and swayed by what others say. So always think before you speak. Even for the simplest words, think at least twice before you utter them.

Especially in front of cameras, be extra careful. If something feels ambiguous, just let your older brothers handle the talking. You just need to smile prettily next to them to get by, so do what you’re good at—that’s what the manager always advised, and Ji-su always kept it in his heart, but it was always like this.

Of course, the Loveis members always encouraged Ji-su to let the manager’s words go in one ear and out the other. They comforted him, saying the manager was just a pathetic adult who would say negative things and undermine others’ self-esteem when things didn’t go his way. But deep down, Ji-su always thought the manager was right.

Ever since he was young, even his own parents would always compare him to his smart older brother and speak to him disparagingly.

Especially on days his father drank, he would be cursed at daily as a half-witted child who couldn’t even keep up with half of what his brother did, even without any particular reason.

His self-esteem, already crushed by past experiences, was further trampled by a barrage of thoughts, one after another. When he finally returned to reality, Ji-su felt a little worried.

It was due to the thought that Jung Ha-jin, who claimed to be his fan, might have been disappointed by this side of him. As Han Ji-su bit his lip in frustration, Toto, who had been quietly sitting still, climbed down from Jung Ha-jin’s body and onto the table. Toto immediately headed to the living room, slipped under the sofa, and then whined as he pushed out a rectangular object.

“Chi…”

“…Our Toto is good at hiding things.”

After confirming the phone’s location, Ji-su carefully pulled his hand away from Jung Ha-jin’s.

The man, who had kept his gaze down the entire time, finally raised his head, but his face still looked unwell. In some ways, he seemed a little pale and drawn.

Ji-su watched him, finding him not only genuinely apologetic but also looking somewhat pained, and felt a sense of bewilderment.

Why was he apologizing so profusely when he had done nothing wrong?

Jung Ha-jin’s excessive reaction inexplicably weighed on Ji-su’s heart, so he deliberately smiled as if nothing was wrong and said,

“Jung Ha-jin Esper. Don’t worry about it too much. I’ll forget about that story too.”

Saying that, Ji-su briefly got up from his seat, brought Toto and the phone, and decided to forget the topic of their recent conversation. It might be impossible to not think about it at all, but he wanted to erase it from his mind if possible.

‘If the brainwashing skill were still active, I would have been made to think of something else…’

To have cried and begged for the brainwashing to be lifted, and now to feel a pang of regret – it was truly a privileged complaint.

Ji-su, self-deprecatingly thinking that his capriciousness was absurd even to himself, habitually stroked his left middle finger and glanced at the phone. Jung Ha-jin’s face was reflected on the pitch-black screen of the powered-off device.

Ji-su didn’t have the confidence to meet Jung Ha-jin’s gaze, which held an indescribable expression. So, he lowered his head, casually stroked Toto, and spoke in a normal voice.

“Toto.”

“Chi?”

“Could you put Daddy’s phone in your Inventory for a moment?”

“…Chi!!”

Understanding the request, Toto seemed happy with it and quickly swallowed the phone as if he’d been waiting.

The phone disappeared directly into Toto’s mouth, but unlike in the hospital room, his cheek pouches didn’t bulge. After confirming that it was safely stored in the Inventory, Ji-su didn’t forget to praise Toto.

“Thank you. Our Toto is the best, as expected.”

“Chii!”

Ji-su smiled weakly and stroked Toto even more diligently.

Other than this small, precious ball of fur, there was no one left by his side who would hide his phone for him if his mental state deteriorated.

‘It’s a relief that Toto is by my side, at least.’

He thought it would be best to leave the phone with Toto until his head cooled down, and also to meet the Busan Dungeon raid team when he was in a more stable condition.

It seemed he was not in a state to think and judge rationally right now.

While Ji-su was comforting his own gloom, Jung Ha-jin brought porridge and steamed vegetables and fruits for Toto. It seemed he had only cooked porridge for Ji-su, as his own plate contained protein-rich A-rank monster meat.

“…Chi.”