FWP Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Dog

Chapter 1: Dog

I am about to die.

Before I die, I want to see him, have a meal with him, and chat about the recent weather.

My name is Wanderer. The person who named me never left the county town in her entire life. She lay on a pile of straw, chewing on a piece of grass, imagining that her child would be able to travel freely among the mountains, rivers, lakes, and seas and become a wealthy person in the future.

/

I am about to die.

I’m not sick, I just don’t want to live anymore.

Before I die, I want to see him. He is the last person I encountered every day while riding my bike to school in my youth. In the morning, when I open my eyes, I first see her memorial tablet, and then I get dressed, put on my backpack, and go to school.

As I walk out of the courtyard, the dogs and sparrows bark and chirp together. The child next door is practicing the flute. The child is the first person I encounter.

Riding my bike through the fields, the old man Zeng, who has already watered the vegetable garden, is the second person I encounter. He carries a hoe and shouts, “Off you go!”

When I arrive at school, it’s still dimly lit. The gatekeeper wears a mask and waves to me, asking me to park my bike in the shed behind him.

I pass many students on duty, students whose faces are blurred behind the cold air and scarves, teachers hurrying along, and climb up the teaching building. I open the door, take out my homework from my bag, and hand it to the subject representatives all the way. Reaching the last row of the classroom, I put down my empty backpack and greet him.

He is the last person I encounter. I rub my frozen face, force a smile, and say to him, “Good morning.”

/

Wanderer is a poor person, poor and odd.

His canvas shoes are washed until they are yellow, the hands holding his book bag are thin and bony, and his face is a little sunken. It is this small detail that makes his eyes extraordinarily large.

Large and lifeless.

He says good morning to me. I can’t be bothered to reply. I stayed up all night playing games last night, and my brain is still rusty. He sits down on the chair, the only broken chair in the class. No one else wants to sit on it, and they secretly switch it for his when he’s not around. He doesn’t even notice and thinks he broke it himself, so he doesn’t dare to breathe loudly in his seat, afraid that the chair will make a strange noise and disturb someone.

I don’t like Wanderer’s careful and timid manner. He may be poor, but he doesn’t owe anyone anything.

After waking up, I take a box of chocolate from my bag and toss it to him, “I can’t finish it, you eat it.”

Wanderer blinks his eyes, takes it with both hands, touching the tin box, and cautiously asks again, “Aren’t you going to eat it? Is it okay for me to eat it?”

I say, “You’re always saying this isn’t good and that isn’t good, you might as well change your name to ‘Wanderer-isn’t-good’.”

I make a fierce expression, “Stop talking nonsense, eat yours!”

/

I hold this box of chocolate, almost unable to put it down.

I say, “Zhou Zhao, this must cost a lot of money, right?”

Zhou Zhao is the only person who transferred schools in his senior year. The first time he came to the class, he was my deskmate. He is tall, doesn’t wear glasses, and can see the duty roster posted on the podium from the last row. He scored 105 points higher than me in the mock exam. He wears expensive T-shirts under his school uniform jacket, and the tips of his ears move backward when he yawns.

I like Zhou Zhao, even though he always speaks harshly.

He hates me talking about money. To him, money is like dirt, something that lowers his standards. Sure enough, he immediately stops yawning, snatches the chocolate away, opens it, and shoves a large piece into my mouth.

Zhou Zhao scolds me with tears in the corners of his eyes, “Eating, and you still can’t shut your mouth!”

The chocolate is different from what I imagined, very bitter. I ask Zhou Zhao, how is this different from the ones in the gold coins? Zhou Zhao frowns, “How can cocoa butter substitutes be compared to this? You should eat less junk food.”

When he said the words “cocoa butter substitute,” his red tongue flickered between his white teeth. I have only seen such beautiful people on calendars.

No. 16 High School has a good college acceptance rate, with over 90 percent of students meeting the first-tier university admission line every year. After the 100-day countdown ceremony, the class president tears off sticky notes one by one and distributes them to everyone, asking us to write down our college goals.

I want to choose a normal university because the tuition is low and I’ll be assigned a job after graduation. It would be great if I could be assigned to a big city.

Zhou Zhao writes a string of illegible characters. His appearance and handwriting are completely different. I have to crane my neck and strain my eyes to see it.

“Stupid!” He knocks me on the head with a pen, “They’re all common characters, can’t you understand them?”

I cover my head and apologize, “Sorry, I can’t see very clearly.”

Zhou Zhao frowns again, hums a couple of times, and reads out the name of his target university, word by word.

His family owns an apartment near this school, so it will be convenient to live there and commute to school. He also talks about the majors and teachers at the school.

I am simply amazed. As for the future, I only vaguely know an outline, while he has already taken up a carving knife and meticulously carved the patterns of the future.

“There’s a normal university near this school, you should apply here.” Zhou Zhao takes me to the map at the back of the classroom. His fingertip vaguely circles a place, as if my future is also hooked away by him. “This place is also close to my house, come over to play then.”

I shake my head, then nod my head.

Zhou Zhao grins, half-smiling, half-not-smiling, and scolds me for being a mute. He doesn’t know that I have said “okay” many times in my heart.

/

I notice that Wanderer’s nearsightedness is getting worse. Besides me, he is the only one in the class who doesn’t wear glasses.

He doesn’t know where he heard that pressing the corners of your eyes allows you to see things in the distance. As long as he’s in class, he presses the corners of his eyes and pulls them outward, as if pulling them longer will allow him to see what the teacher is writing.

Wanderer studies very hard, but his grades are very poor.

I don’t understand, he puts in one hundred percent of his effort, but the test papers always slap him in the face and then give him back only fifty percent of the reward. Is studying really that difficult?

On the day the results of the mock exam came out, I saw Wanderer cry.

He is usually very quiet, and he is quiet when he cries. He has a very broken bicycle that he rides to and from school. That day, I walked to the school gate and caught a glimpse of him squatting in the bike shed, crying at the cold, shimmering spokes of his bike.

I watched from afar for a while.

Wanderer keeps himself very clean, the collar of his school uniform shirt is spotless white, his hair is thick, and his body is thin and gaunt.

He cries gauntly, without even making a sound. Those two clear tear streaks are spread on his thin face. I see him biting his lip, biting it until it is red.

I walk over, kick his wheel, and ask him why he hasn’t gone home yet.

Wanderer frantically lowers his head to wipe away his tears. He stands up, pulls his bike outward, and stutters, “I’m leaving, I’m leaving.”

I chase after him and pull his backpack strap, “Hey! I have tissues! Very fragrant facial tissues!”

Wanderer is stunned, looking over with moist eyes. I urge him, “I can lend them to you.”

“Thank you, but I’ve already wiped them dry,” Wanderer says.

His backpack is still the style that was popular when I was in elementary school. Counting until now, he has probably carried it for more than ten years, but it is very clean, just like him. I stuff the paper into Wanderer’s shirt pocket, he may be a little afraid of me. When I touch him, I clearly feel his body tense up. If it weren’t for the bicycle blocking him, he would have jumped back a big step.

How many points did he get on the test, crying like that. I watch him leave, turn around and go back to the classroom to find his grade report in his desk.

When I get home that night, I search for the admission scores for last year’s normal universities. Wanderer is far behind.

/

During the Qingming holiday, Zhou Zhao calls me. I don’t know how he found out my home phone number. This is the first time he has called me. I hold the phone, holding my breath to listen to his voice.

Zhou Zhao says, “Are you free tomorrow? Come help me with something.”

I turn my head to look at the milk crate on the floor of the main room, feeling embarrassed, “The day after tomorrow, will the day after tomorrow work?”

Zhou Zhao seems to be playing on the computer. He taps the keyboard a few times and asks, “School starts the day after tomorrow. Can’t you spare some time tomorrow?”

“Ye… yes, it’s okay.” As soon as I say the words, I feel like Zhou Zhao might be angry, feeling like he’s forcing me. Sure enough, Zhou Zhao immediately raises his voice, “What do you mean by ‘yes, it’s okay’? What does ‘yes, it’s okay’ mean? I… never mind, never mind, I’m asking you to help me. The day after tomorrow, then.”

“No, it’s tomorrow. I’ll go find you tomorrow.”

/

I wait for Wanderer at the entrance of the department store. He must get a pair of glasses, if he continues like this, even if he studies to death in June, the normal university will not admit him.

While waiting, people keep coming up to ask for directions. I pointed them out twice, then suddenly I froze, “Didn’t you just ask me which way to Heping North Road?”

The person asking for directions is a girl about my age. After being exposed by me, she is a little embarrassed, pretending and saying, “What are you talking about, I only asked once.”

“No, it’s you, I remember you have a Hello Kitty on your bag.”

The girl is speechless, says “retard” and runs away.

I silently recite “a good man doesn’t argue with a woman,” and take a deep breath with my hands on my hips. Why isn’t Wanderer here yet, I’m about to become a GPS.

After waiting for a while, I finally see Wanderer in the crowd. He is pedaling his bicycle, his face is very red, looking around in the crowd crossing the street. I raise my hand and shout his name.

On his day off, Wanderer is wearing his own clothes, a dull gray short-sleeved shirt, thin arms and legs. He nervously takes a milk crate off the back seat of the bike.

I make fun of him, “Coming over, and you even brought a gift?”

Wanderer lifts the felt on the box to show me. Inside, there are a few red-skinned puppies that haven’t even opened their eyes yet.

“Whoa—!”

“They need to be fed every three hours, I’m worried…” Wanderer carefully covers the puppies and sizes up the department store, “What do you need to do here, how can I help you?”

/

Zhou Zhao takes me into the department store. He holds the milk crate, carefully pulling me to ride the escalator.

Piano music plays in the department store, and the cleaning lady mops the floor with a mop dipped in disinfectant. We walk past the jewelry store and smell the fragrance from the restaurants upstairs.

When he’s not in school, Zhou Zhao dresses very eye-catchingly. He wears two or three rings on his hands, and even his earrings.

I have always known that Zhou Zhao has pierced ears. He takes a nap at his desk every day, occasionally sleeping with his face toward me. One, two, three, he has three ear piercings.

He used to raise dogs and asks me in confusion, “Why don’t you leave them at home and let their own mother feed them?”

I explain that I found them, can’t find their mother.

I found them on the first day of the holiday, I was passing by the small road behind the school, and suddenly heard very soft cries in the trash can. The puppies were wrapped in a shopping bag, breathlessly panting with blood all over them. I held them in front of my chest and ran all the way back.

“You don’t know, they were so pitiful.”

Three hours pass, and Zhou Zhao and I hide in the men’s restroom of the department store. He takes over the job of feeding the puppies, sucking up the milk I poured into the thermos with a syringe.

Zhou Zhao says, school starts tomorrow, are you going to bring them to school too?

I don’t know. No. 16 High School prohibits students from bringing pets to campus. I think to myself, “Otherwise, I’ll leave them in the gatekeeper’s room and come out to feed them every hour?”

“Don’t bother.” Zhou Zhao carefully scrapes the milk that has flowed down the puppy’s face. He raises his eyebrows and smiles, saying very gently, “Leave them at my house, my house has an auntie taking care of them. I’ll send them back to you when they’re weaned.”

Is that okay? Wouldn’t it be a bother for Zhou Zhao? Maybe the gatekeeper is a good choice.

Zhou Zhao doesn’t give me a chance to refute. He makes sure that every puppy is full and asleep, covers the box, and pulls me into an eyeglasses store.

I have never seen eyeglasses living in such a big house. The small, narrow eyeglass frames take up such a large space on the display case, and there are several exquisite spotlights shining on them, allowing them to show their shape and beauty three hundred and sixty degrees.

“You asked me to help you, is it to help you choose glasses?”

Zhou Zhao curls his lips, “Sort of, I can’t choose.”

It’s so nice to be rich, you can choose so many things.

I mutter to myself, seriously choosing for Zhou Zhao. His face shape is very smooth and his skin is white, so he doesn’t look bad in anything. Zhou Zhao listens to me praising him a few times, looking pleased with himself, and waves his hand, telling the saleswoman to take out everything I said to try on.

He not only tries them on himself, but also wants me to try them on together.

We are like two models, putting them on and taking them off, taking them off and putting them on. Zhou Zhao always has to comment on me.

“Not good, too dumb.”

“This shape is okay, the color is too ugly.”

“Hmm… you could cross-dress with some lipstick, change.”

“Looks like Ultraman.”

“Slowpoke also wears this style.”

“Wow—” Zhou Zhao claps coldly, “You look a lot like my second great aunt.”

I have a very good temper, especially with Zhou Zhao, but I’m a little impatient at this moment, “It’s not for me to buy! You take care of yourself!”

Zhou Zhao doesn’t speak.

I’m stunned, “Could it really be for me to buy?”

He flicks my forehead, saying fiercely, “What else!”

/

Wanderer’s puppies haven’t grown up yet, but he has already picked up a dog’s temper.

He runs out with the dogs, everything was fine, but when he heard that the glasses were for him to buy, he suddenly exploded like fireworks.

I chase after him, calling him, shouting at him, but he ignores me.

We run to the gate, and I grab his handlebars.

“Wanderer! Are you sick! Why are you running when I’m buying you something!”

Wanderer doesn’t say a word and starts tying the milk crate to the back seat of the bike with a rope.

I stop him, “Hey! Does getting a pair of glasses kill you?”

“I don’t need them.” Wanderer finally looks me in the eye. The veins on his neck are throbbing, and those big eyes finally have some spirit.

I’m being looked at angrily by him, and I subconsciously think, Wanderer would look good if he gained a little weight.

“You’re about to tear your eye corners apart and you still don’t need them?”

“I still don’t need them.”

I roll my eyes in anger, but I manage to hold it back. Men, men who are seventeen or eighteen years old, care about their pride more than anything else. Otherwise, why would I pretend that “he’s helping me” instead of “I’m helping him.”

“Wanderer, how about this, just consider it my birthday present to you. It’s normal for classmates to give each other gifts.”

Wanderer says coldly, “My birthday has already passed.”

“What’s your birthday?”

“Lunar New Year’s Eve.”

“What’s the date?”

“Lunar New Year’s Eve is Lunar New Year’s Eve.”

“I can’t tell the difference between the lunar calendar and the solar calendar.” I’m frustrated.

Wanderer pushes me aside and pushes the bike outward, “If you can’t tell the difference, go back and look at the calendar.”

I’m pushed and stumble. God knows, he’s a skinny person, where did he get so much strength.

“Hey! Wanderer!”

I’ve always gotten whatever I wanted since I was a child, succeeding in academics and relationships, why should I put up with this kind of weirdness.

I’m full of fire, which burns all the way to my mouth. I yell at Wanderer, who is as stubborn as a donkey, “You’re so poor that you can’t even afford to eat, and you can still show love by raising dogs. Does that mean a young master like me, who can eat a bowl and throw it away, isn’t allowed to show some love too?”

/

How could he say that.

Why did he say that?

I like him, I can accept anyone’s love, but not his.

I thought we were equal.

Did he always think… we weren’t?

[Author’s Note]

Listened to a song and suddenly wanted to write it, there’s no logic, and it’s not good.

There are many landmines, it’s not gk, and it’s not sk, and it’s not any gmn, smn, please don’t curse.