S Chapter 90

“Haa…”

I lowered the hand that was covering my face. For someone eating an expensive dinner in a luxurious hotel, my complexion wasn’t very good.

Damn it. My head hurts.

U-dam, leaning against the toilet stall, repeatedly banged the back of his head. He faintly heard someone outside cursing, probably about a madman, but he didn’t have the luxury to pick a fight right now.

Looking back, I was an idiot for eagerly following along just because he offered to buy me dinner. If I had known this, I would’ve been eating cup ramen in the dorm. What kind of wealth and glory am I trying to enjoy by being here like this?

To make matters worse, it felt like I’d gotten indigestion from what I ate. U-dam gently rubbed the area around his sternum. It felt heavy and hot, as if he’d swallowed a heated stone. He exhaled a weary breath between his lips.

‘That’s enough. Stop agonizing. It’s not even that big of a problem to begin with. My answer is set. I’ll refuse. No matter what Shin Jukyeong says, if I refuse…’

Flinch. U-dam’s shoulder trembled slightly.

‘Why am I worried about him getting hurt? Why am I hesitating?’

‘U-dam.’

I didn’t want to imagine it, but it imagined itself. Shin Jukyeong, rejected by me and standing all alone in the cramped toilet stall, floated into my mind. Dressed up just as he was. The only difference was a transparent tear hanging at the corner of his eye.

‘I like you. I’m sorry.’

My reflection was mirrored in his wet eyes. Why is he saying it so pathetically?

‘Damn… why is he crying?’

U-dam’s fingertips trembled. Even though it was just an imaginary figure, he was agitated.

What’s more, the imaginary Shin Jukyeong, not only rejected but also beaten again by the bastard (read as Shin Taekyung) back home, couldn’t even put up a single act of defiance, getting hit until his calves were ragged.

‘Damn it.’

U-dam’s heart churned greatly. Isn’t that too terrible a day? Being dumped by someone you like and taking out someone else’s frustrations at home. Even a thick-skinned Shin Jukyeong wouldn’t just end up disheartened. With both his body and mind trampled.

‘What if he gets any bad ideas…?’

He swallowed hard without realizing it. The negative thoughts grew in size uncontrollably. He once again realized how amazing human imagination was. Before he knew it, his mind had spiraled to the worst of the worst, creating an uncontrollable outcome.

This feels bad. U-dam dry-washed his face. His palms were clammy from cold sweat.

‘Calm down. It’s not even really happening.’

He knew it was all just an illusion he created.

…He knew, but he couldn’t just brush it off. Somehow, he felt like it really would happen.

‘Now I feel uneasy for no reason. Isn’t there another way?’

Was there no way to spend today peacefully?

U-dam raked his fingers through his hair, lost in thought, when he suddenly exclaimed, ‘Ah!’ He then confidently flung open the bathroom door.

‘Let’s prevent him from confessing instead.’

That was all the decision he came to after a long time of agonizing. In short, it was the “Nothing happens, so isn’t it fine?” strategy. If Shin Jukyeong didn’t confess, there would be no need for him to reject.

It was just avoiding the immediate situation, but there was no other way for now.

Instead, he planned to treat Shin Jukyeong affectionately, like a lover. Wouldn’t he be satisfied if he was cherished and treated kindly, even without saying “I love you” or “Let’s date”?

‘He doesn’t necessarily have to confess. It’s enough if the affection he desires is fulfilled. Then Shin Jukyeong would be happy to be loved by me, and I wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable rejecting him.’

As his thoughts organized themselves, his mind found a calm peace. His footsteps also became more relaxed. Just as he rounded the corner, a shocking situation was witnessed.

“I have kept it safe.”

“Thank you. I apologize for the trouble.”

“It’s quite alright. I’m satisfied if I can be of help to our customer. More importantly, the flowers are very beautiful. They are the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen.”

“…Yes. I prepared them carefully for someone precious.”

Shin Jukyeong was having a shy conversation with a man who appeared to be a hotel employee. Yes, there was nothing wrong with that part. What startled U-dam was none other than the flower bouquet prominently placed between the two.

‘Damn it! He’s already making his move!’

Was it because he spent too much time in the bathroom? He was facing a confession attack sooner than expected.

Blast it, it’s already over the moment he brought out the flower bouquet! How should I stop the confession? Just as he was glowering at Shin Jukyeong in an awkward stance, like a cat with its fur bristling in alarm.

“Ah, U-dam.”

Shin Jukyeong, recognizing him, called his name with a flushed face.

At the same time, all of Yang U-dam’s thoughts stopped. His sharp nerves, the rising irritation, and even his resolve to reject Shin Jukyeong—everything.

“…”

Soft jazz music, elegant yet subdued orange lighting, people dressed up. Shin Jukyeong sitting alone among them.

And… the smile that bloomed on his expressionless face as soon as he saw me.

For a moment, U-dam even had the illusion that he and Shin Jukyeong were truly lovers. It was a strange feeling. A bothersome tickle in his throat, like ants crawling. U-dam’s lips twitched. Because Shin Jukyeong was smiling so brightly, greeting him so warmly, calling his name as if he had been waiting.

That… wasn’t bad.

‘Not bad?’

He clenched his fists tighter. His fingernails dug into his soft flesh.

This shouldn’t be happening. I have to reject Shin Jukyeong.

‘…It shouldn’t be good.’

“Shin-”

His lips parted. The sound he couldn’t fully utter vanished with the wind.

Shin Jukyeong. Jukyeong, hyung.

He wanted to call him. But what he would say if he called him, he himself didn’t know. He just wanted to call his name back.

Just as he took one step forward, as if possessed, and was about to open his firmly closed lips, a small crack appeared in the restaurant’s spacious window, followed by a ear-splitting shattering sound.

Crack-crack-crack, BANG!

“Kyaa!”

“W-what is it?!”

People who had been leisurely enjoying their meal jumped up in a panic. Crash. Tables fell, and they tripped over each other. It was sheer pandemonium.

U-dam, too, tried to calm his surprised heart and hastily looked around.

“Cough, cough!”

Through the hazy smoke, Shin Jukyeong could be seen, coughing with his hand covering his mouth. He was bent over, seemingly in pain, and seeing his grimacing face made U-dam’s heart race.

‘Is he having trouble breathing?’

Knowing that Shin Jukyeong was weaker than others, his anxiety amplified.

“Hyung!”

He shouted loudly, but it seemed unheard. His seat was unfortunately near the window, risking a fall below.

“Hyung, hyung! Shin Jukyeong! Damn it! Jukyeong!”

And then, a black shadow approached him. A hand reaching out without hesitation, as if its original target was Shin Jukyeong alone. Everything moved slowly, like in a slow-motion film.

“Shin Jukyeong! No!”

A scream burst from U-dam’s lips.

The preparations for the Coming-of-Age Ceremony proceeded quite smoothly thanks to Jae-min’s suggestion.

Among the essential gifts to prepare, the flower bouquet and perfume, the younger brothers decided to take charge of those two. Jae-min, with his keen senses, would handle the perfume, and the youngest, Eun, the flower bouquet.

Eun, in particular, even took out his treasured colored paper and made the flower blossoms himself. Watching him meticulously craft them with his tiny hands, Jukyeong also clumsily helped him. He was not very dexterous, so after trying to cut the paper, he was relegated to glue duty.

Snip-snip. Eun, cutting paper, suddenly wiggled his plump cheeks and worried.

“Hyung-ah.”

“Yes?”

“Will Second Hyung like it?”

Eun found U-dam quite difficult. It was probably because they had the least interaction. That’s why he was pouring all his effort into making this ‘U-dam’s Celebration Flower Bouquet.’ As a child, instinctively, to be loved.

It was somehow a pitiable sight. Jukyeong drew on his minimal empathy to the fullest to comfort his younger brother. At the words that there was no way he wouldn’t like it when it was made so beautifully, Eun tightly pressed his bird-like lips together.

‘…Oh. Is this not right?’

Just as he was pondering if his comfort was misguided, Eun hesitantly opened his lips again.

“Not flowers… just Eun.”

“Yes?”

“Not flowers… will he like Eun?”

If I give him this, will Second Hyung like me?

He looked up at Jukyeong with a teary expression and asked. Various emotions mixed in his young face. Not just a simple tantrum, but desperation, fear, and even a little shyness.

“Yes? Will you like Eun?”

Eun wiggled his bottom and asked again.