ID Chapter 10

It had been 27 minutes. The live app was nearing its end. It was surprising that it still hadn’t reached 30 minutes. It would probably end around 35 minutes after their greetings.

“It’s a shame to end, but we’re already at the final stage. Today, we’ll have a special communication time with our fans, each taking a one-minute Individual Shot. The person who receives the most applause in that minute will upload a selfie to our official SNS, so please give us lots of applause~!”

Lately, other idol groups had been doing this segment and gaining quite a lot of applause. To keep the live app running, you needed a lot of applause, so they had no choice but to do it too. It was also a way to measure the size of individual fandoms, but it was so blatant that idols who were unpopular found it disheartening.

It started with Mun Hyung, in seating order. Reading the incoming comments, he scattered hearts and spent a minute full of various remarks. Han-sae acted adorable towards the camera, pulling out all sorts of cute expressions. Mun Hyung and I jokingly pretended to vomit behind Han-sae.

In Jae-yi’s case, he greeted curtly and then only read comments. The screen was plastered with comments like ‘Oppa, just one heart please ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ’ and ‘Jae-nim, we want to see your aegyo!!!!!!’, but he carefully avoided reading those kinds, making the members and me quietly snicker behind him.

It was my turn.

“Hello. I’m Ira. 30 minutes really flies by. I don’t know if you all enjoyed it. All our members worked really hard to prepare this album, so I hope you all enjoy it. For your information, Yadan and Han-sae did the rap-making for all the tracks. This is the moment to give them applause. Clap, clap, clap. I was surprised when I heard it, wondering if they were always this talented, so please look forward to it. As always, Jae-nim choreographed the dances himself. Every time Jae-yi practices his sword dance in the practice room, I worry about the fans’ hearts… And the third track, written by Mun Hyung, ah, I actually shed a few tears while recording it. I thought Mun Hyung was a poet.”

Since it was an Individual Shot of just me on screen, I rattled off stories about the other members, fearing fans might just close the live app. Han-sae whispered from behind me to read some comments. I hated this part of the live app: the way fans’ comments streamed in real-time.

“A lot of comments are coming in. Many foreign fans too… ‘Han-sae, you’re cute.’ What’s cute about Han-sae? ‘Curious about Jae-nim’s sword dance.’ Hehe, you’re curious, aren’t you? I know all about it.”

I deliberately avoided reading comments about myself. Eventually, my time was up, and I passed it over to Yadan.

Phew…

Finishing what felt like an arduous journey, a huge mountain for me, I returned to my seat and looked at the tablet PC with the members. Yadan was just as quiet as Jae-yi.

Jae-yi scolded me in a quiet voice.

“You’re supposed to read your own comments, why did you only read others’?”

“They were coming in too fast, I couldn’t read them.”

“‘You’re cute,’ ‘Sing for us,’ ‘Eat a lot’… Among those comments, you sure did a good job picking out only other people’s.”

“Oh, really? I didn’t see them. But there were seriously so many comments about looking forward to your sword dance. Our music show recording airs for the first time this afternoon, right? Fans must be waiting with bated breath.”

When I looked at him, grinning broadly, Jae-yi clucked his tongue. Then he stroked my head, and I wondered why he seemed to be stroking my head so often lately. It wasn’t that I disliked it, which made it even more awkward.

After Yadan finished, they tallied the applause, and Jae-yi was first. Surprisingly, I came in second, with a small difference from Jae-yi. It seemed that constantly talking about the other members had helped. It was a real relief that I wasn’t first, as that would mean my selfie would be uploaded to the official account. The managers, out of consideration for us, didn’t announce anything below third place.

“That’s Endorphin for today. Thank you!”

We all gave our final greetings, and the ‘recording in 3, 2, 1’ indicator went off. Just before it turned off, I caught sight of one last comment.

‘Hate Ira, kick him out, bring back Yu-jin oppa.’

‘Don’t go,’ ‘Too bad,’ ‘Do more’… Comments were scrolling up endlessly, too many to even read one, yet comments like that one always stood out clearly.

“Ah, damn it. What was that last one? Hey. Don’t worry about it. There are way more people who like you.”

If I saw it, the members must have seen it too. I wished they would just let it go, but the clueless idiot mentioned it.

“Oh, I don’t care. Comments are just freely left, after all. Come on, let’s go quickly.”

I was a master at pretending not to care, so I could smile. Han-sae was fuming, muttering expletives with the ‘ss’ sound, while Mun Hyung looked at me with an apologetic gaze.

“I didn’t realize there were still people like that. I’m sorry, Ira. Don’t worry about it.”

“I said I don’t care, didn’t I? I’m fine, everyone.”

And why is Hyung apologizing? I’m sorry for making him feel sorry.

“Hyung… People who leave hateful comments are trash.”

“Even you… I’m fine, so let’s just hurry to the next schedule, okay?”

As I took the lead, the members also got ready, each with their own uneasy feelings.

I understood the members’ feelings, but it was incredibly burdensome.

You all know.

That I’m hated. Why are you all reacting so strongly now, all of a sudden? You already know.

I really am fine. Even the parts that aren’t fine, are fine. I understand and accept everything. Hate Ira, kick him out, bring back Go Yu-jin. Even if I were an Endorphin fan, I would have shouted that around.

Before heading to the next schedule, I made a quick stop at the restroom. After checking that no one was there, I clutched the toilet and vomited, but since I hadn’t eaten anything, only stomach acid came out. Since I had makeup on, I couldn’t wash my face, so I just rinsed my mouth. I’d have to brush my teeth in the next waiting room. In the mirror stood a haggard boy. His eyes were dull and cloudy.

“…Hyung, wait…”

I heard Jae-yi’s voice and carefully opened the door. Jae-yi and Yong-jun Hyung were standing alone in the hallway, as if in a secret meeting. On closer inspection, Jae-yi was holding Yong-jun Hyung, and Yong-jun Hyung looked terrified.

Jae-yi’s face was calm as usual, but I could feel an inexplicable, hot rage emanating from him. With his Black Panther-like eyes, Jae-yi looked down at Yong-jun Hyung and whispered lowly.

“…Find them.”

“….Uh, uh.”

“Sue them.”

“R-Right…”

“I’ll confirm later.”

“Yeah, alright…”

Yong-jun, an ordinary non-aura user who had been grabbed by a Motioner, nodded without meeting his eyes. Hearing the answer, Jae-yi roughly let go of his hand and strode down the hallway.

Seeing his back, which clearly showed his anger, I felt conflicted.

Today’s visible radio broadcast was live. I reapplied my makeup and went into the recording studio. The DJ was an older brother from the same company who worked in entertainment, so I felt at ease.

The live broadcast began with a brief introduction of the new album. The DJ brother praised the songs, saying they were very good. To update on Endorphin’s current rankings, the title track is currently #1 on music broadcast sites, and three of the B-side tracks are in the top 20.

“Now, finally, it’s time for the live performance! Endorphin, please get ready. This is our first radio live performance of ”. It’s an honor! I’m really looking forward to it since it’s a song I love. Are you all ready? Ira, are you ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

“Hehe, then let’s begin!”

For some reason, the DJ brother chuckled briefly before finishing his comment. The familiar intro music flowed through my headphones.

Making a mistake during a live performance would severely tarnish our reputation as a skilled group. As the main vocalist, I needed to focus even more. I gripped the standing microphone and closed my eyes.

After finishing the song, I held onto the microphone for a moment, catching my breath.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh, huh? I’m fine. You?”

“…This song is tough, isn’t it?”

Jae-yi whispered quietly and handed me his bottled water.

“Here.”

There was bottled water placed on my spot by the writer, but I hadn’t opened it. Jae-yi gave me his, as if he knew I wouldn’t open mine at all. I thankfully accepted it.

“Wow, that was amazing. Hearing it live, this is truly… Ira, you really sing so well. Enough that I’d want to treat you like an older brother.”

“Hahaha, hyung, can I speak informally to you?”

“Yes, you can. Go ahead now. I’ll forgive you for speaking informally for about a week. Wait, how old was Ira again?”

As soon as I sat down, a storm of compliments followed. Before I could even open my mouth, Jae-yi said,

“He is twenty-two.”

The DJ brother exclaimed “Wow!” in admiration.

“So you were the same age as Go Yu-jin. What happened in ’31 that such talented singers were born?”

I flinched for a moment, then, worried that my reaction might have been obvious, I forced a smile.

“Go Yu-jin is older than me. He’s an early birthday.”

“Ah-ha. But you were born in the same year, weren’t you? Speaking of which, what’s Go Yu-jin up to these days? How’s his studying abroad going?”

“He was boasting about getting a scholarship, you know? Said it suited his aptitude perfectly. Haha.”

“When will he graduate?”

“It was originally next year, but he might do it this year if he’s fast enough. He boasted endlessly about getting into the L-course because of his good grades.”

“Oh, that’s great news to celebrate. I should contact him personally. A lot of messages are coming in now, and user 4889 sent one asking, ‘Are Go Yu-jin oppa and Ira oppa close?’ As someone from the same company, I can tell you that many people think Ira joining later would make them awkward, but actually, the two are very close. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, because our trainee periods were similar.”

“We were all trainees around the same time, so the six of us often hung out together.”

Just as the conversation was becoming long and awkward, Han-sae interjected.

“Even before the group was formed, the six of us lived in the dorms and so on, so there was no awkwardness at all. As I’ve said many times, Ira was originally supposed to be in Endorphin, and Go Yu-jin was planning to debut as a solo artist. Things just ended up this way.”

“I’m extremely curious about ‘things just ended up this way’ though?”

“Well, how it happened was… there were various adult circumstances…”

“Ah, is it a bit of a difficult topic?”

“It’s not that, but since both Ira and Go Yu-jin are vocalists. And both are Soul Aura Users, there probably wasn’t a need to put them in the same group. If I were the company, that is.”

Mun calmly clarified. The members and I all nodded.

Both Go Yu-jin and I agreed with the company’s idea, and since he wanted the group, I chose to go solo. It was only two years ago, yet why does it feel like such a distant memory?

“I see. User 3465 asked, ‘How did the oppas all join Shik City?’ I’m curious about that too. Mun, you’re one of our company’s founding celebrities, aren’t you?”

“Haha, yes. I am Shik City’s first celebrity.”

“There’s a rumor that you’re Shik City’s hidden CEO.”

“That the current CEO is actually a puppet CEO… Pfft.”

Han-sae and I threw in a quick joke. During our trainee days, we used to call Mun ‘Pants Hyung’. Go Yu-jin had a calm personality, but sometimes when Mun was late for breakfast, he would say, ‘Ira, go wake up Pants.’ Han-sae and I would giggle and say, ‘Pants Hyung, wake up!’

“How did the others join?”

“I brought Go Yu-jin when we were attending the same Advanced school, and Go Yu-jin brought Jae-yi.”

“What’s the relationship between Go Yu-jin and Jae-yi?”

“Our families have a close acquaintance.”

Jae-yi looked at me as he gave that answer. Jae-yi had been looking at only me since earlier.

“Then what about Han-sae, Ira, and the youngest, Yadan?”

“All three of us came in through auditions. Ira auditioned through the director, and Yadan and I were from the public audition.”

“Oh-ho, I see. It seems this is the first time you’re talking about how you joined the company on broadcast. The fans’ reactions are really passionate.”

“Oh, really? We have mentioned that we were close since our trainee days sometimes.”

“Do you remember what you auditioned with? Like, a song or a dance?”

The DJ brother started with Han-sae. When that Han-sae brat lied that he couldn’t remember, I kindly told him, “You sang trot~~^^.” In the end, he sang a charming verse. Mun and I chuckled. Yadan did a short rap. I vividly remembered how we all hovered outside during the auditions, amazed that a handsome young boy rapped so well.

“What about Ira?”

“He sang three ballads: ‘Cheer Up,’ ‘Night of Time,’ and ‘Open the Door.'”

Before I could say anything, Han-sae blabbed. Damn… I didn’t expect to get hit by a boomerang so soon.

I sang three short songs. Not only the DJ, but also the writers cheered. The members were also smiling, saying my singing was incredible.

When I auditioned at Manager Lee’s suggestion, I was like a chubby country bumpkin, but after I sang, the interviewers’ expressions changed. From then on, I felt like, “This is it!” Even after passing the audition and receiving vocal training, I only ever heard praise and admiration. So, I also thought I was good at singing. That was until I heard Go Yu-jin’s singing.

He had a voice I couldn’t produce and a depth I couldn’t imitate. For the first time, he made me feel inferior and filled me with admiration. Go Yu-jin was also the first person I became close with. Then he introduced me to Jae-yi, and after that, my life went beyond my reason.

The DJ complimented my singing a few more times, then played a commercial. The members and I took off our headsets and talked with the DJ. The writer came in with a script and gave it to Mun and the DJ. While they read the script, the other members were looking at the real-time comments.

I looked around, wanting to quench my thirst. It was just as I thought about drinking from the water cooler in the hallway and was about to get up.

“Ira, if you’re thirsty, drink some water.”

Jae-yi handed me his bottled water. I thought he was just looking at the comments…

“Yeah, thanks. Can I drink all of it?”

“Drink it all. As much as you want.”

And Jae-yi turned his attention back to the comments. I also finished the water and looked at the monitor in front of me. Every time I refreshed, it seemed like a hundred new ones appeared.

┗Hate-Ira, you’re terrible at singing, leave the group.

Why…

Why do only these kinds of comments stand out? Among countless comments saying the song was good, expressing love and gratitude, why does only the phrase “Hate-Ira” appear so clearly and distinctly? Is it because there are so many of them…?

I glanced at the members, but they were just smiling, as if they hadn’t seen that comment.

“Are you looking at the comments too?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Jae-yi was somehow looking at me.

“Did you just see that comment?”

“Uh… I did see it.”

So he saw it too. I was about to say it was fine and that I didn’t care, but Jae-yi smiled, his eyes crinkling.

“Among your audition songs, ‘Cheer Up’ was my favorite. I guess the fans like that one best too.”

“Huh…?”

“Give me your hand.”

“Why suddenly?”

“Just give it.”

Jae-yi grabbed my hand. He interlaced our fingers and brought them to his face.

“Are you finally crazy?”

When I asked, frowning, Jae-yi held my hand even tighter and gave a more dazzling smile than ever before.

“Fan service.”

“Oh please… Hey, go hold Han-sae’s hand. Why me of all people?”

“Because you and I have the most. Just stay still.”

Jae-yi said something incomprehensible and brushed the hair behind my ear with his other hand. Even if he hadn’t told me to stay still, I wouldn’t have been able to move.

“You’re getting redder and redder.”

Jae-yi, with a smiling face, gave a live commentary on the state of my face. That bastard… Jae-yi is a truly handsome bastard…