ID Chapter 21

When I came out to the living room, one of the company staff members put a microphone on me. The second manager brother filmed this with a camcorder. That’s why I even showered in the bathroom attached to my room. Starting today, a behind-the-scenes cam will follow us. It’s meant to film Endorphin during schedules, and I feel pressured because it’s not just going online but also being broadcast. Today was originally a holiday with no schedule, so I planned to relax in the living room all day, but with the camera here, it feels like I have a schedule.

“…Are you up?”

“…Yeah.”

Jae-yi was sitting on the living room sofa and stood up when I came out. Jae-yi didn’t say a single word about the “People Jae” broadcast yesterday. I didn’t either. The two of us avoided the topic as if by agreement, but Mun hyung was practically itching to talk about it.

When I arrived at the dorm entrance yesterday, it was Mun hyung who greeted me.

“Ira. You saw the broadcast, right?”

“Yeah, I saw it, but don’t worry. I’ll handle it so it doesn’t cause trouble for the team.”

“No, I didn’t mean that…”

“Why? I told you not to worry.”

“It’s not that, it’s just that we’ve found our footing now… now, just…”

Hyung scratched his head for a moment and then sighed. It was the first time I’d seen Mun hyung like that.

“Whew, I’m sorry. I can’t put my thoughts in order. Later… let’s talk again after activities are over.”

I didn’t hear what he was trying to say, but I can roughly guess. Mun hyung worries about the team, then and now. His affection for Endorphin is special.

“Sit down. You need to eat breakfast.”

“What? Are you making it?”

“Yeah.”

“Whoa, Jae-yi’s breakfast. I should wake the members.”

“They’ll wake up on their own. You just sit there.”

Jae-yi pulled my arm, sat me on the sofa, and even handed me a cushion. Since the kitchen was visible from the sofa, I watched his dependable back, then became aware of the camera.

Why aren’t they following Jae-yi?

“Hyung, you should film Jae-yi cooking.”

“No, I’m filming you.”

“Fans would want to see Jae-yi cooking more… I’m just going to silently watch TV.”

“Well, I think fans would want to see you sitting there blankly more.”

It seems he finds it bothersome to stand and film. The second manager hyung filmed only Jae-yi’s back for a moment and then turned the lens back to me. I chuckled, looking at the lens.

“Everyone, Jae-yi is just acting because of the camera. Don’t be fooled. Ah, but since he’s already known for being blunt, you probably won’t be fooled, right? Hehe.”

I laughed idly and turned on the television. While flipping channels, the members woke up in the order of Han-sae, Yadan, and Mun hyung. After each of them greeted the camera, Yadan went to help set the table, and Han-sae and Mun hyung sat on either side of me.

“Hey, Ira. What time did you come in? I didn’t even know you were here.”

“Around 1 AM, I think?”

“Then did you see the broadcast? Jae-yi… what Jae-yi caused.”

“Uh… yeah, I saw it.”

Mun hyung and my gazes met awkwardly. Perhaps Yadan also sensed something between Jae-yi and me, but Han-sae, that guy, is a clueless idiot whom even heaven has given up on.

Han-sae put his arm around my shoulder and whispered, loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Coming out and still reeking of unrequited love. That guy doesn’t have the basic posture of an idol. I’ll use this opportunity to draw in all the hurt fans. Hehehe.”

“Hey, even if Jae-yi’s fans dislike him, they probably won’t like you. Aren’t your images too different?”

“What about my image!”

“Ira is right. And the fans will surely cheer for Jae-yi. They’ll be hoping for him to mend the broken relationship and achieve love.”

Mun hyung is a real fanboy… His words were sincere, but it was a little funny on the inside. He wasn’t even cheering for him himself.

While watching Han-sae spout nonsense into the camera about being a Black Panther, Yadan called out that breakfast was ready.

Ugh…

My head spun when I stood up after sitting on the sofa.

“Whoa, damn, you scared me. Are you okay?”

“Ira. What’s wrong?”

I thought it was just my head spinning, but it seems I swayed unconsciously. Han-sae grabbed my shoulder, and Mun hyung held my waist, both looking surprised.

“Thanks. I’m still half-asleep. I came in too late yesterday.”

“Seriously, for someone with insomnia, you went out and had such a wild Friday night during a busy schedule, ugh. Eat breakfast and regain your energy.”

“He’s acting like he made it, but he didn’t. Everyone, this is Han-sae’s personality. He’s definitely not a Black Panther~~”

“Whoa, after I helped you!”

We bickered as we headed to the dining table. When Mun hyung didn’t follow, I looked back and saw him frozen, staring at the hand that had held my waist. Only after Yadan called him again did he “unfreeze” and come over, like playing ‘freeze tag’.

Seaweed soup, various seasoned vegetables, rolled omelet, cucumber peppers, pan-fried tofu, soy-marinated crab, and donggeurang-ttaeng. The seasoned vegetable side dishes were made by Han-sae’s mother, the soy-marinated crab by Mun hyung’s mother, and the donggeurang-ttaeng by Yadan’s family. The fact that Jae-yi personally made the seaweed soup and pan-fried tofu felt somewhat new and touching.

“Jae-yi, I’ll eat well.”

“We’ll eat well~!”

We said our greetings and each picked up our chopsticks. The camera didn’t turn off, seemingly intent on filming us eating.

My mouth was sore, making it hard to eat, and my stomach was upset, so the food wouldn’t go down, causing my spooning to unintentionally slow down.

“Ira, you need to eat your rice properly. You almost stumbled again just now; it’s because you don’t eat enough.”

“Hey, anyone listening would think I stumble all the time.”

“You do, all the time. You’ll probably sway five more times today.”

Jae-yi put a donggeurang-ttaeng on my rice bowl and scoffed.

“Yes, hyung, you need to eat a lot more.”

“Eat a lot and gain weight, Ira.”

“Hey, eat a bit more vigorously. Your spooning is so slow.”

The members’ nagging continued. The second manager hyung and the staff member chuckled, but I was embarrassed.

“Did you make the side dishes yourselves?”

The second manager asked, knowing everything. Mun kindly explained to the camera that this was given by one person’s mother, and that by another’s. I suddenly stood up.

“Ira?”

“What is it, why?”

Without answering, I strode to the refrigerator and took out the bulgogi.

“My mom made and sent this too. It cost a lot of money from overseas. Overseas shipping is really expensive, you know.”

“Hahahaha. Right, Ira’s mother sent some too.”

“Kwon Jae-yi, why didn’t you take it out? Ira’s mother will be disappointed. Hehe.”

“Because it’s morning. Let’s grill it for lunch.”

After fully promoting the bulgogi, I put it back. Hehe, I feel proud.

“Oh, and by the way, Jae-yi’s father also sent some dried yellow corvina and lobster. We ate it all yesterday, so there’s none left.”

“They sent some to Jae-yi’s family too, haha.”

“Of course, of course. Are our members’ parents watching the broadcast? We’re always grateful!”

I bowed my head first, and the members followed suit. Mun stroked my head, saying I did well when I returned to my seat. I hoped I was the only one who noticed Jae-yi’s contented smile stiffen at that moment.

They told us to just act naturally, but since the camera was still rolling, I felt like I had to do something. In the end, we decided to play a board game, and Mun and Yadan, who lost rock-paper-scissors, went to buy it.

“Ah, I feel like I can breathe now that the camera’s gone. Damn it, a holiday isn’t a holiday.”

As soon as the second manager and a staff member left with the sole camera, Han-sae stretched out. I did the same.

“Who came up with this damn plan?”

“The fan-loving hyung probably did. I’ll tell him Ira said it was damn awful~~”

“Ah, come on.”

“It’s revenge for earlier, you brat. Hehe.”

You clueless idiot. I’m awkward with Mun right now.

I glared at Han-sae, and Jae-yi, the second most awkward member, plopped down beside me.

“You went to the mart with Kwon Su-han yesterday, didn’t you?”

“..How did you know?”

“There were witness accounts. They said you bought seaweed, sesame seeds, and beef. That you were bustling around really well. They were crying about how cute you were.”

“What… what do you mean ‘bustling’…”

“Last time you two went to a restaurant together too. You told me you were hanging out with a classmate. Why did you lie?”

Flustered, I darted my eyes around. No matter how clueless Han-sae was, he was listening right next to us…

Jae-yi reached out to my flustered self, grabbing my hand firmly and shaking it in front of my eyes.

“And you went to another man’s house and came back with an injured finger.”

I’d taken off the bandage and the scar was faint, how did he know? As expected of a Motioner… No, this isn’t it, this guy must have lost his mind after coming out.

“Explain yourself. Why did you lie?”

“Hey, whether I lie or not…”

“Kwon Jae-yi, why are you acting like this? You’re giving me goosebumps. If you act like this towards Ira after coming out yesterday, people will misunderstand, man.”

Han-sae playfully chopped at the hand Jae-yi was holding with the edge of his hand. Jae-yi’s glare soon made him yelp and withdraw his hand. But I knew Jae-yi. I knew that intensely burning gaze. Jae-yi was determined to hear the reason for the lie.

A good excuse suddenly came to mind. I bent the wrist caught in Jae-yi’s hand and spoke.

“He said he’d help with aura amplification. His younger brother is my friend, right? He said he’d do it especially because I’m his brother’s friend.”

Jae-yi narrowed his eyes, as if trying to gauge if it was true. Since it was a lie mixed with truth, I was confident I could fool him. In fact, Han-sae seemed fooled, his eyes wide as he rushed over.

“Whoa, really? You hit the jackpot. Hey, ask him to help Yadan too.”

“Yeah, I’m going to ask him to after I get it and see if it’s effective.”

“Aura amplification is really expensive, so connections are indeed the best. You punk, if you had connections like that, you should have told your hyung.”

“Who’s your hyung? You’re heavy, you know? Hurry and move!”

“Height-wise or any other way, I’m your hyung, hey. But you… you’re really thin. Your neck bones are visible to the touch…”

“Ah, if you know I’m thin, get off me. I’m going to be crushed to death…”

“He said to get off.”

Jae-yi growled like an animal and grabbed Han-sae by the scruff of his neck. Han-sae yelped and tumbled onto the sofa. He soon grabbed the back of his neck and grumbled about why Jae-yi was only bothering him, but Jae-yi was only looking at me.

“You’re meeting him for aura amplification.”

“..Uh.”

“I want you to.”

“…….”

“..not hide anything from me. As I said yesterday…”

“HEY!!!!!”

I screamed. Behind Jae-yi, I could see Han-sae with wide, blank eyes. ‘What are you two doing? Filming a drama?’ That was exactly his gaze. I couldn’t express how relieved I was that Han-sae was the only member left. I said we needed to talk alone for a moment and pulled Jae-yi by the arm.

Bang. I closed the door loudly.

“You damn bastard, are you crazy? Did you lose your mind after coming out? What are you doing in front of Han-sae?”

“From now on, I refuse to be on the receiving end without knowing the reason. Tell me everything: why you’ve grown distant, and the secret you’re hiding now.”

“..Do you really not know that damn reason, that you have to ask?”

You agreed. You agreed first! My anger flared up to my head for a moment but quickly dissipated. It was because Jae-yi’s face looked so sad.

Seeing that face, my anger subsided, replaced by a sharp ache. I pressed my throbbing forehead and sat on the edge of the bed. Jae-yi stood heavily, watching me.

“I’m asking because I truly don’t know. Please explain what that damn reason is.”

“…….”

“Why are you meeting Kwon Su-han?”

“..It’s true that I’m meeting Kwon Su-han for aura amplification.”

“Tell me what secret you’re hiding.”

There isn’t one. …Even if I say that, he won’t believe me.

I laughed self-deprecatingly. Jae-yi’s eyes wavered. His face was more serious than ever.

“Don’t make excuses about dieting like last time, just tell me properly. The reason you’re so thin… The reason you’ve lost so much weight, can’t sleep, and can’t digest food even when you eat. Don’t try to hide it. Don’t hide it from me.”

“…You want to know?”

The reason I. can’t eat properly, vomit when I do eat, lost so much weight, and had my sleep stolen. The fundamental cause.

A Cyanide Cookie was in a cookie given by a fan. The culprit wasn’t caught, and they said they wouldn’t catch them.

Ah… I want to tell him. Jae-yi would definitely help me. He would solve it.

But…

“Not now.”

I looked up at Jae-yi and smiled faintly. He seemed about to flare up, so I took his arm and said soothingly.

“I mean, not right now. I’ll tell you after this promotion ends. I told you last time too, didn’t I? That I’d tell you everything once this promotion is over.”

“…Everything?”

“Yes, everything. Because I want to get it all off my chest too.”

Perhaps sensing my sincerity, his intense gaze softened a little. Jae-yi let out several hot sighs, then knelt before me. He then reached out, pulled my neck close, and asked.

“It’s not… completely irreversible, is it?”

Jae-yi’s low voice tickled my ear. Was he asking about our relationship, or about my current state? Whatever it was, my answer was one. I buried my face in Jae-yi’s shoulder.

“No… Not yet.”

That was my wish too.