ID Chapter 27

I felt so listless, not knowing how the day began or how it was passing. Even the forced smiles I used to manage were now hard to make. The members understood, thinking I had a cold.

Before the last Sand Singing Stage for this promotion, as mealtime approached, I made an excuse to get some air and slipped out of the waiting room. I went to the stairs in the hallway and crouched in a corner.

Ah…

My head was spinning, and I felt nauseous. Nothing had happened, I hadn’t done anything, but my eyes welled up.

Officially, today was the last day of promotions, and it would all be over after one behind-the-scenes cam shoot tomorrow.

Then I’d have to talk to CEO Shin Dong-woo.

I pressed my eyelids tightly, then pulled out my phone.

Kwon Su-han [What time does your schedule end today?]

I actually wanted to call him.

[Around evening. ㅜ Please give me aura healing today.]

Kwon Su-han [Okay. Did you eat lunch?]

[Yep. Did you eat, Kwon Su-han?]

Kwon Su-han [You didn’t eat. Please eat a meal.]

Huh, how did he know…?

[Are the results out? The health check-up?]

Kwon Su-han [Yep.]

Somehow… Kwon Su-han’s texting style had changed a bit, becoming cute.

[It’s taking longer than I thought. Tell me, they said I’m fine, right?]

Kwon Su-han [Let’s talk later.]

[Seriouslyㅡㅡ Tell me now]

[Quickly]

[Quickly]

Kwon Su-han [Are you going straight to the dorm after your schedule ends?]

Kwon Su-han [I’ll pick you up at the dorm.]

I was annoyed that he ignored my questions and asked his own again, so I decided to ignore him back. Still, knowing he’d heal me today made my heart much lighter. I wanted to see Kwon Su-han soon.

I entered the group chat for idols who debuted at the same time. Just then, someone told a funny joke, and everyone was laughing, so I left a laugh too.

[Hahahahahahaha]

A-teen [Oh, it’s Ira.]

Miri [Ira, long time no see hahahaha]

Sun-han [That guy always laughs and then just leaves hahahahaha]

[Hahaha Yep, you know me well! Bye! Hahaha]

A-teen [Crazy hahaha]

Song-ha [That bastard, wow…]

Miri [I’ll get you when we meet later hahahaha]

As I watched the messages scroll up, my vision blurred again. Tears welled up once more. I felt like I was going crazy, with tears threatening to fall at any moment. I quickly exited the chat window. My finger hovered over the photo album, but I just turned off the screen.

“Cough, cough.”

A cough burst out. Ah, this really can’t happen. I can’t cough during the performance. I thought about taking cough medicine, but then suddenly, all my energy drained away.

What am I doing right now? Everyone wants me to disappear. I couldn’t even repay my parents for raising me, yet I ran away from home to become an idol. All I get is hatred. Still, I insist on being an idol. Everyone hates me. I don’t have a single fan. No one.

Ah.

My eyeballs stung. I roughly rubbed my eyelids with the back of my hand.

Just then, the iron door next to me clanged open. I lifted my head, still coughing. A large silhouette suddenly appeared.

“…….”

Our eyes met. Jae-yi sat down next to me.

“You appeared in the group chat after a long time, were you really chuckling with such a sad expression?”

The warm, young concern in his voice made me feel like crying.

“How did you know I was here?”

“Through aura.”

“…….”

“Why is the kid who said he wasn’t feeling well sitting here alone? So pathetic.”

I… I wanted comfort from Jae-yi. If I shed tears, Jae-yi would be flustered and ask why I was crying, and then I would cry and burrow into his arms. If Jae-yi asked one more time, I would be unable to overcome the surging sorrow and confess everything. And then, Jae-yi would embrace me and offer comfort, comfort.

“…Ugh, I was trying to be alone, so why did you come chasing after me again?”

I dusted off my rear, which hadn’t even touched the floor, and stood up. I swayed because I’d been crouching for so long, and Jae-yi grabbed my waist.

“What’s wrong? Feeling dizzy?”

“No, my legs are numb.”

“How long have you been like this? You said you were going to get some air.”

Jae-yi frowned and clicked his tongue.

“Let’s go eat. I ordered tonkatsu delivery.”

“…Delivery?”

Weren’t there any bento boxes from fans today?

“Yeah, delivery. Let’s go. Everyone is making a fuss saying they have to make sure you eat.”

Delivery… It’s delivery. If that’s the case.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

I opened the door first. Jae-yi narrowed his eyes and followed me out. Even in the hallway, his hand remained on my waist, so I slapped the back of his hand. Jae-yi chuckled, and it was quite charming.

I thought I had no appetite, but the tonkatsu was tender and the sauce was sweet, so it wasn’t greasy and tasted delicious. I kept eating the tonkatsu dipped in sauce with a bit of rice and a pickle, when I suddenly noticed how quiet it was around me and felt gazes on me. I put one more piece in my mouth and looked up.

“…….”

Everyone was looking at me. The members, the stylist noonas, the manager hyungs… They looked surprised, and a little complicated. Even Han-sae held up his phone towards me, who was still chewing.

Click.

“…What are you doing?”

“It’s been a million years since you ate at the broadcasting station, so I was so moved, I took a picture. Cough.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Upload the photo to the group chat. It’s been so long, I need to save it too.”

“I’m going to designate today as an anniversary, Hyung.”

“Haha… Everyone, stop teasing and eat quickly??”

“Yeah, Ira. Eat quickly. No, slowly. Eat a lot.”

Something felt strange. Why were they acting like this…? Anyway, I enjoyed the tender tonkatsu. It felt good to be on stage today without being hungry for the first time in a very long while. While I was cleaning up, Jae-yi took out some plump, perfectly ripe cherry tomatoes for me.

“Where did these come from?”

“The tonkatsu place gave them.”

“Do they give dessert with delivery these days?”

“…They do. Eat.”

“Okay.”

Jae-yi picked one up and came closer, as if to put it directly into my mouth. I parted my lips and bit the cherry tomato hovering near my mouth. Jae-yi’s finger lightly brushed mine.

“It’s delicious… plump and firm…”

As I chewed, Jae-yi handed me the whole container of cherry tomatoes. I picked one for Jae-yi too. Jae-yi bowed his head and ate it, just parting his lips like I had.

“Isn’t it good?”

“…Yeah.”

“Hey, are you the only ones with mouths? Give us some too, give us some!”

The clueless idiot interrupted. Usually, when he suddenly thrust his face in, he’d lean on my shoulder, using me as an armrest, but since Jae-yi had reprimanded him so much, he no longer made physical contact.

I think Han-sae is truly amazing. We fought over a cake, and it should have been a bit awkward, but for him, after just one night’s sleep, the fight is forgotten. He’s such a simple guy. Honestly, I still feel a bit awkward.

“Here.”

As I picked one up with my fingers, just as I had shared with Jae-yi, he widened his eyes and opened his mouth, saying, “Ah~.” But then, a handsome finger snatched the tomato mid-air.

“You pick your own.”

“Ah, seriously… why!”

“Be a bit more perceptive.”

Jae-yi ostentatiously put the tomato in his mouth and patted Han-sae’s shoulder. Seeing Jae-yi slowly and leisurely sit on the back sofa like a satisfied Black Panther, Han-sae looked at me with an expression that asked, “Why is that jerk acting like that?” I didn’t answer, just ate a cherry tomato, then took a picture with my phone camera. I sent the cherry tomato picture to the KakaoTalk chat window that had been paused since our conversation about waiting in front of the dorm at 7 PM.

[(Photo)]

Kwon Su-han [Eating tonkatsu, and now dessert?]

[Woah, how did you know I ate tonkatsu?]

Kwon Su-han [A member posted it on social media.]

So this person was following Endorphin members’ social media… How cute.

As I chuckled, Jae-yi showed interest, asking what I was looking at. Seeing that he was about to snoop on my KakaoTalk again, I quickly put my phone in my pocket.

While I was brushing my teeth, someone knocked on the waiting room door. When Yong-jun Hyung opened it, it was the members of the group AZ. They were a group with one B-class Motioner, and they were close with Endorphin because their debut periods and ages were similar.

“Hey, it’s really been a while. How’s everyone been?”

“We saw each other in a game a week ago, you bastard. Kekeke.”

“But it’s been a while seeing you in person, you punk.”

“We almost didn’t overlap promotions with you guys. We only overlapped for one day.”

“Honestly, it’s a huge relief we didn’t overlap. Your stages are just too amazing. You conjure up sand deserts and wave illusions like crazy, and you sing like that at the same time?”

“Our members are no joke.”

“Speaking of which, Ira, you bastard, try leaving something other than ‘lol’ in the group chat.”

“What, me? Should I leave ‘hehehe’ instead?”

“This guy, ugh, he’s so skinny I can’t even hit him.”

With ten young men gathered in the waiting room, it quickly became noisy. Manager Hyung immediately pulled out Endorphin’s reality cam. The AZ guys, who were about to use their usual rough language, saw the red light on the cam and laughed awkwardly.

Green, famous among AZ for being a gaming enthusiast, brought a virtual reality game console. Since there were five of them and five of us, we decided to have a match. It took the other guys five minutes to decide a winner, but I was done in less than a minute.

“Ira is truly terrible at games.”

“Seriously lives up to his reputation, this guy.”

The AZ guys forgot the camera was there and laughed loudly, teasing me. They kept cackling and teasing me even when the other members were playing.

“Did you dump all your stats into singing? Puhaha.”

“Game-idiot bastard. Hehehe.”

If it were my own members, they would have stopped after one verse, but these guys kept provoking me, making me wonder if they brought the game console just to tease me. Maybe I should tell them to upload everything to the behind-the-scenes footage without editing.

Even though our team ultimately won, they kept teasing only me. Then Han-sae got angry.

“Ah, stop it, you bastards. He’s doing well enough as it is.”

“Our Ira Hyung just doesn’t play games, it’s not that he can’t.”

“Exactly. If he really put his mind to it, he’d be good at games, right? And what if he’s a bit bad? A person has to have at least one thing they’re not good at. If everyone was perfect, would they even be human?”

After each member said something, and Jae-yi silently set the mood and glared, the AZ kids stopped teasing them.

After AZ left as broadcast time approached, the stylist noona said with a smile,

“They tease you relentlessly themselves, but when others tease you, they take your side. Is it the psychology of ‘only I get to tease him’? Hehehe. There’s really no one like your members, right?”

Is that it? I don’t know. Normally, I might have felt some affection for the members, but I was so exhausted now that I just thought, ‘Oh, I guess so.’

After finishing the last Sand Singing Stage, I arrived back at the dorm. I desperately wanted to see Kwon Su-han, so I quickly changed clothes and roughly wiped off my makeup.

“Cough…”

As I coughed and stepped out the front door, a strong hand grabbed me by the scruff of my neck.

“Where are you going?”

I thought flames would shoot out of Jae-yi’s eyes.

“To meet the Adapter. I’m supposed to get healing today.”

“Healing?”

“Ah, ah. Not healing, but aura amplification.”

I smiled, watching the furrow deepen between Jae-yi’s eyebrows.

“I’d like to take you too, but you’re already S-class… and Yadan has plans with friends.”

“At least eat dinner before you go.”

“We’re meeting to eat. He’s already waiting out front.”

“He’s here?”

“Yeah.”

Jae-yi narrowed his eyes, then grabbed my hand, slammed the front door shut, and came out. Why is this guy coming out?

“I’ll see you off.”

“…Oh…”

In the end, I got into the elevator with Jae-yi. He was still holding my hand.

“You’re making sure to regulate it so you don’t get addicted, right?”

“Of course. Am I a child?”

“Is that person kind to you?”

“Yeah, he’s kinder and gentler than he looks.”

“…….”

“When I first met him, I thought he was just cold and stern, but he’s actually gentle. Everyone thought he was my anti-fan back then, right? But he doesn’t dislike me, and he’s a really mature and good doctor.”

As I finished speaking, the elevator arrived at the underground parking lot. Since there would definitely be Endorphin fans at the main entrance on the first floor, we entered through the parking lot.

Jae-yi still hadn’t let go of my hand. I just stared at him, not saying anything to ask him to let go.

“Our promotions end tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me everything. I’m just waiting and holding on until tomorrow.”

“I know. Me too. I’m probably waiting for tomorrow more than you are.”

I smiled faintly. So faintly that Jae-yi might not have even seen it.

As I called Kwon Su-han and left the parking lot, I saw a few female students who looked like high schoolers loitering. Because many idols live here, young girls like that often sneak in.

-Ira, where are you?

“I’m near the parking lot now…”

“Ah, there’s Ira Oppa!!”

“Wow, it’s Ira. Is Jae-nim not here??”

…Of all people, they had to be Endorphin fans. Three female students rushed over. I tried to relax my expression, which was starting to crumple.

“Hyung, where are you?”

-Back gate. Is anyone with you?

“I’ll head that way.”

-Are you out of the parking lot?

“Yes, I…”

“Oppa, who are you talking to?”

“Why did Oppa come out alone?”

“Do you have an appointment? Where are you going?”

Feeling flustered, I hung up the phone for now. The Endorphin fans giggled and pressed me about who I was meeting.

I’m going to get healing because you guys are making me mentally sick.

“I’m going to eat with someone I know. Have you all eaten? It’s late, you should go home and eat.”

“Oppa, we bought this to eat, but please take it.”

“Today’s Sand Singing was totally awesome! Oppa is the best.”

“Thank you. Everyone, please go home quickly.”

I gently placated the female students and sent them off. Watching them disappear with bright smiles, I looked down at the bag of bread in my hand.

Sweet red bean bread they said they bought for themselves.

“…….”

Now, I felt nothing… I threw it into the trash can near the parking lot exit, without even opening the bag.

Kwon Su-han had parked his car right next to the back gate. As soon as he saw me, he quickly got out and opened the passenger door. Why does it feel like I haven’t seen him in so long? We exchange KakaoTalk messages every day and talk on the phone occasionally, but I haven’t seen his face in ages. As always, Kwon Su-han waited until I had fully buckled my seatbelt before starting the car.

“You must have run into your fans?”

“No, Endorphin’s fans.”

“…….”

“Why?”

Kwon Su-han looked at me with complex eyes, as if he had a lot to say, but in the end, he said nothing.