ID Chapter 28

Tonight’s dinner was curry, as mentioned before. Kwon Su-han stopped by the mart, saying he needed to buy ingredients they didn’t have at home. It seemed he planned to send me on errands to buy various things, just like last time. As Kwon Su-han parked the car in the parking lot and turned off the engine, I sat still beside him, without moving.

“Ira.”

“I don’t want to go out.”

“……”

“Let’s just eat what we have at home.”

I worried about what I’d do if Kwon Su-han kept insisting we go out, but such worries were unnecessary. Kwon Su-han started the engine again and smoothly turned the steering wheel.

The evening city lights quickly flashed past the window. Other lanes were congested, but the All-Electric Vibration Car exclusive lane was clear, with only a few cars passing through. Suddenly, I wished I could become a car. Or a road. Or even a traffic light. I don’t know. My heart felt heavy, so I closed my eyes. Tears, which had pooled there, soon streamed down my cheeks.

I knew very well what it meant to cry uncontrollably. Kwon Su-han pretended not to notice me, turning his head and breathing unsteadily. More tears flowed because of his thoughtful consideration.

I sat blankly on the sofa, crying while waiting for the food to be finished, and then cried again while eating the curry.

Kwon Su-han didn’t sigh once.

While receiving aura healing, I showed him a picture.

[You’ve been getting awfully arrogant lately, huhㅋ

Just you wait. I’ll kill you someday.]

Kwon Su-han took my phone, sent the image to his own number, and then returned it.

“You threw the note away?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t tell anyone?”

“Of course not.”

Kwon Su-han’s face initially showed frustration, then returned to a calm expression. He probably felt frustrated, thinking ‘Why didn’t you say anything about it?’, but it seemed he didn’t intend to scold me.

“How was my health check-up?”

“Enough to want to tell your parents.”

“……”

“It’s not good.”

Kwon Su-han pressed his hand to his forehead. My health wasn’t good, but why was he so distraught?

“Esophagitis, laryngitis, stomach ulcers, anemia… there are signs of malnutrition too. They said it’s astounding how you managed your activities as an aura idol.”

“Now that activities are over, I’ll get better, won’t I?”

I patted Kwon Su-han’s broad back.

“I actually only struggle to eat during active promotion periods; during breaks, I eat three square meals a day.”

“Don’t try to lie to me. I can feel all your emotions.”

Aura Adapters are truly cunning psychics.

“It’s not a lie… I’m meeting with CEO Shin Dong-woo tomorrow to settle things, so don’t worry. Even if he tells me not to reveal anything, I’m absolutely going to tell the members. I can’t bear it anymore either.”

“…Your emotions…”

Kwon Su-han stammered. He grabbed my hand, which had been patting his back. His eyes were wide with surprise.

“Your emotions… why are they like this?”

“What do you mean?”

“They’re empty.”

“……”

“They’ve become completely hollow.”

Our eyes met. Kwon Su-han’s eyes, usually so calm and composed, were trembling.

“…Something happened. Something else besides this note.”

Kwon Su-han stated it definitively. I pretended to think about what “something” he was referring to, but in fact, a vivid scene clearly came to mind.

One was Han-sae getting angry because he couldn’t eat the cake. The other was… a “chick fan.” The post from that person who was no longer a fan. No… could they even be called a “fan” from the start? If they were someone who would turn away so quickly after one rumor. They liked me enough to painstakingly photoshop pictures and upload them to the internet. They even said they wanted to put me in their pocket and keep me. If their feelings would cool so quickly after a single rumor, without any explanation from me.

“Ira.”

“Ah…”

“Tell me what happened.”

At that call, I suddenly came to my senses.

What was I thinking? Of course, people would dislike me. No one would like a celebrity who tries to throw away a gift from a fan. And it’s natural they wouldn’t consider it a rumor since I never offered any explanation for it. I’m still not thinking clearly, just hoping they’ll understand me without any explanation. When will I ever grow up?

I explained to Kwon Su-han.

“A witness account was posted online. A post claiming I tried to throw away food given by a fan went up, making many people dislike me even more. Even the members saw the post and are questioning it. But it doesn’t matter now; tomorrow, I’ll explain the reason. It doesn’t matter anymore…”

Kwon Su-han, his eyes looking even more pained than mine, pulled me into his embrace. He offered no premature comfort. I leaned my face against his chest, feeling safe. My kind adult, who knew all the truth. My lips trembled slightly. My heart ached sharply. Kwon Su-han released his aura. At that warmth, the tears I had been holding back surged forth even more.

Don’t hold back. Don’t hold back, just cry.

His aura was telling me that. His gentle hand stroked my hair, and he firmly wrapped his arms around my back.

“…sob…”

There was no way not to cry. I simply couldn’t not cry. I tried to suppress my sobs, but the aura that kept touching my heart eventually made me let out a sound. His chest grew damp. Thinking it was due to my tears made me feel even more sorrowful.

Why was I crying? Tomorrow I would feel relieved, and I should be happy by now. I cried for a long time with such thoughts.

There were no other schedules besides the behind-the-scenes cam recording, so I had planned to sleep in until the afternoon. But I couldn’t sleep properly, only dozing off and waking up intermittently.

The behind-the-scenes filming took place in a calm atmosphere. The main content of the final episode was the members sitting around in a dimly lit dorm living room, reflecting on their recent activities and having a serious discussion.

This promotional period felt exceptionally long. I met Kwon Su-han during the first recording. Until we ran into each other in the restroom, I thought he disliked me. I thought he might try to threaten me about the cyanide incident, but instead, he healed me. That time allowed me to forget everything…

Ah, I don’t know if I miss Kwon Su-han or if I just want his aura healing. I just… want to lie down on the soft, comfortable living room carpet in Kwon Su-han’s house, covered in a warm blanket, and fall into a deep sleep. Feeling his hand gently stroking my hair and the soothing aura enveloping me. Forgetting everything and being at peace.

“I was happy and glad that our songs received the most love among all the songs we’ve released so far. Our stages were praised to an overwhelming degree. The Sand Singing Stage was difficult, but many critics spoke highly of it, which made it all the more rewarding.”

Was it? Were we praised? I had no idea.

“You can definitely feel how much our fanbase has grown with this album, right? I wish we could have had more fan signing events, that’s a bit of a shame.”

“I think we received an undeserved amount of love. We filmed with smiles, so this promotional period feels exceptionally short.”

“Ira, how was it for you?”

Jae-yi asked me. I had my head bowed.

How was it? It was so scary. My body trembled with fear every time I faced your fans. The stages were so hard. Sand kept getting into my throat, and I always threw up after, spitting it out. There were too many fan signing events, and I wished there were fewer. It felt too long. Too long.

“I liked it too. I think it was a promotional period where I learned a lot. You all, and hyung, all worked so hard.”

I answered as expected. There was no other choice.

The second manager hyung, who was holding the camera, asked if we missed our parents. Yadan and Han-sae see their parents once every one or two weeks, and Mun hyung sees his once a month, but Jae-yi and I haven’t seen our families in person for almost half a year. Jae-yi’s parents are politicians, so they’re naturally busy people, and my family emigrated.

“Oh, of course, I miss them. Really, if I get a vacation this time, I’m going to laze around at my parents’ house for a week. Eating warm rice cooked by Mom and Dad.”

“It’s been over a month since I saw them too. Though we still talk on the phone.”

“I met them recently.”

“Ah, that’s right. Yadan’s mother gave you side dishes recently.”

“She gave me side dishes, and then 50 sheets of paper asking for autographs…”

“Haha. Your parents must be proud that their son is so popular. And you must feel rewarded too.”

I truly smiled. I like hearing the members talk about their families. It’s just heartwarming, warm, I like that feeling. When I smiled, the members all looked at me. Why are they like that? Like they’ve never seen me smile before. Just as a tremor ran through my lips, Han-sae added with a laugh.

“Ha, well, yeah. It’s true. My parents also give me tons of paper and albums, telling me to sign them whenever they see me.”

“That never happens to me.”

“Jae-yi, how would they dare ask you for something like that…”

Then, the TV monitor suddenly turned on. A middle-aged couple appeared on the brightly lit screen in the dim living room.

-It’s Mun. It’s Mom and Dad. How are you doing?

“Oh my gosh…”

“Wow, is this a video message?”

The middle-aged couple were Mun hyung’s parents. Mun hyung’s face brightened. If his video message was shown, maybe all the members would get one? We settled in to watch the message. It said that as the eldest hyung of the team, he must have a lot of difficulties, but they were proud that he was doing well, and to always take good care of his health. Later, Mun hyung’s younger sister, Miran, also appeared. She refused her parents’ continuous requests to come and say something twice before finally appearing on screen.

-Oppa, take care… Jae-yi-nim… and Jae-yi-nim… stay healthy, I always like him, and thank you for being with oppa. Oppa, be good to Jae-yi-nim. So, bye.

Hahaha, the members couldn’t hide their laughter. Miran was so cute that I also chuckled.

Next, Han-sae’s parents appeared. They must have a lot of worries sending their only son away, but instead of talking about that, they said:

-We are always grateful to the members who take good care of our clueless son, and our eldest hyung Mun, dependable Jae-yi, kind Ira, and cute Yadan, you all work so hard. Please continue to look after Han-sae.

they left a message for us. The two of them held hands throughout the video, which was so cute.

Yadan’s parents and one of his brothers appeared. Yadan’s parents had a gruff personality, but his brothers were very bright and cheerful, so their video had the highest tension among all the messages so far.

“His younger hyung is still really bright. His older hyung isn’t here?”

“It must have been when his older hyung was on a business trip, I guess.”

Yadan’s voice was choked as he answered Han-sae’s question.

“Hey, are you crying…?”

“Oh, our maknae. You miss your parents, don’t you?”

Yadan had been tearing up since Mun hyung’s video message came on, and finally, tears fell. It must be very difficult for him to live away from home at such a young age and lead an entertainment career. He misses his parents… and his hyungs. Yadan bowed his head deeply. He seemed to be embarrassed about crying. I wanted to stroke Yadan’s head but held back. The other members seemed to feel the same.

-Hello, Jae-yi. Ahem, this is awkward.

-Try to speak properly. Like you usually do.

-I can’t do it. You go first, dear.

Jae-yi’s parents also both appeared. I thought it might be difficult for them to appear since they are politicians, but it seemed they wanted to give Jae-yi a gift. I looked at Jae-yi. Jae-yi had a smile on his lips.

Jae-yi’s parents, like the others, left a message saying that being an idol must be difficult, but he was doing well, and to always stay healthy.

Next, it was my turn. Tears were already welling up in my eyes. Since Yadan cried, I guess I don’t have to hide it.

-Hello, Ira. It’s Mom and Dad.

Ah, Mom and Dad both appeared. Mom got a new perm. Dad shaved his beard. Seeing Dad, who had opposed me being an idol, like this made my heart ache. I didn’t expect them to suddenly leave a video message when we don’t even talk on KakaoTalk. Did they finally give in for me?

This is my first time doing something like this, so it feels awkward. Ahem.

It feels like just yesterday that our eldest son, who was always so good, worried us so much by saying he wanted to be an idol, but it’s already almost a year since you debuted.

It’s good to see you soaring now, but you’re too thin. Make sure to eat properly.

Yes, your dad worries about gaining weight, but what about you?

Your mom also worries about gaining weight. Look who’s talking.

What is it, this man? Turn off the camera for a moment.

Hahahaha. The members, and of course, the company staff, laughed. I laughed through my tears too. When it’s over, I’ll tell the manager to save this video. The two of them bickering came out completely, uncut. Han-sae kept handing me tissues as I cried.

“Oh, thank you.”

“But… your brother isn’t here, is he? He’s handsome.”

“We’re a bit awkward with each other…”

I wiped my tears with a tissue. The area around my eyes was stinging. Meanwhile, my parents finished their argument and sat back properly on the sofa.

Anyway, our whole family was surprised when Ira, who grew up so quietly and kindly under parents like us, suddenly said he wanted to be an idol. But he’s doing so well that we’re proud, admiring, and always proud of him.

Mom and Dad have many concerns, like your health… and various other things. We’re still actually a bit worried about whether you really need to be an idol, but if you’re enjoying it, then it’s fine. You shine so brightly on stage that we couldn’t even object anymore.

Ira, are you happy now? You are, right? Then it’s alright. We’ll wholeheartedly support your path, so do what you want and live happily. Happily, you hear?

I cried profusely even after the video message ended. The recording even had to be paused briefly. Jae-yi hugged me and patted my back. Wiping my irritated eyes, I thought.

No, Mom, Dad. I’m not happy at all. It’s too hard. It’s too hard…

As soon as the behind-the-scenes recording ended, I tried to call my parents. But the situation suddenly changed drastically, so I couldn’t. Just as I was taking off my microphone, the second manager’s phone rang. Then, Mun, Jae-yi, Han-sae… and company staff members also started getting calls.

“What? Why are calls suddenly coming in all at once?”

“Did something happen?”

The members were bewildered. I was also getting a call from Kwon Su-han. Unconsciously, I checked my voice. It was too low from crying, and the call disconnected while I was clearing my throat. Immediately, the phone rang again, and it was Yong-jun.

“What did you do! The internet’s in an uproar right now.”

“Me? What?”

“I’m going crazy. You should have checked your surroundings before throwing it away…!”

My heart sank.

He was on his way to the dorm, and he hung up after instructing me not to answer any questions from reporters. Company staff members answered their calls and rushed out of the dorm. I was frozen. The members, who had simultaneously hung up their ringing phones, turned on their phones with serious expressions.

When Yadan let out an exclamation, “Ah,” after discovering something, the members gathered around. I was too scared to approach. But Mun called me over. When I got closer, Yadan showed me the screen. It was a post on an online community.

Top Idol’s Personality These Days (Video Included)

(Photo)

Fans Give Bread

(Photo)

Goes Straight to Trash Can Less Than 1 Minute After Parting

(Video)

Ira of Endorphin.

He’s known for not eating things fans give him anyway. Wasn’t it Apple Juice a while ago? He was caught trying to throw it away.

┗ F, even a piece of trash like this is a Souler.

┗I thought he was pitiful because he got so much hate when he joined lol. Guess he wasn’t hated for no reason after all.

┗┗They don’t just call him ‘hated Ira’ for nothing lolol.

┗Wow, not even a shred of hesitation lololololololololololol.

┗I wondered who it was, and it’s that Ira Chick Meme guy. His looks and personality are inversely proportional.

┗;;;;; Wow, one minute is enough time for fans to turn around or come back.

┗┗Seems like he doesn’t care if fans catch him or not.

┗..I’m having a mental breakdown………

┗The fans are so pitiful ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

┗My friend is a fan of his and she’s crying and in an uproar right now,,, ㅠㅠㅠ

┗┗My friend too ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

┗The ‘hated Ira’ fans are trying to comfort themselves that it’s manipulated, but it’s too pathetic to even tease them.

┗Ah… I’m a fan of his, and I’m genuinely tearing up right now and can’t do anything….

┗┗Hang in there..ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

┗They really need to do personality checks on idols. What is this? This happens because they just let any Souler debut. Innocent fans get hurt for no reason.

┗┗Agreed22222222222222222

┗┗Agreed33333333333333333

┗In all my life, this is the first idol I’ve seen throw away bread given by a fan;;;;

┗Jae-yi is in this group, isn’t he? An S-class Motioner. Jae-yi’s parents are politicians, and he himself is an honest type, but with a member acting like that…

┗Endorphin is finished now.

┗┗They just need to kick out ‘hated Ira,’ why finished?