ID Chapter 39

“Didn’t you meet your members today?”

“Yes, why?”

“…Your aura got damaged in the meantime.”

His face was coldly frozen, but his tone sounded very upset. I gazed at him, then sat down on the floor beneath the sofa and patted the spot next to me.

“Why do you like the floor so much? I guess I’ll have to get you a blanket.”

Kwon Su-han effortlessly lifted me, placed me on the sofa, then went into his room. Soon, he came out with a thick, fluffy mat. It seemed he felt the carpet wasn’t enough. While Kwon Su-han moved the table away, I spread out the mat. Then I settled down and waited for him to come quickly. Kwon Su-han sat next to me. Our shoulders naturally touched, and a warm aura flowed in. Kwon Su-han’s brows furrowed, as if my aura was truly a mess.

“Did you also meet Go Yu-jin today?”

“Yes.”

I grabbed Kwon Su-han’s legs, which were crossed, and tried to spread them apart. What kind of doctor has such strong, heavy lower body? Is he a Motioner or something? My hands, holding his calves, looked like a child’s. Since they were heavy and wouldn’t move as I intended, I pouted and looked up at him, and he chuckled, then moved them himself. I widened the space enough for me to sit easily and settled into his embrace. His body, fresh from a shower, emitted a pleasant scent. We use the same body wash, so why does he smell different from me?

I sat sideways and rested my forehead on his shoulder. When receiving aura healing, I involuntarily cling to him.

“Try not to meet Soul Aura Users who have a negative influence on you.”

“Why? Yu-jin hyung is such a good person.”

“If I tell you a hundred times that I can feel your emotions, maybe you’ll stop lying in front of me.”

“…….”

Speechless, I squirmed and brought both knees up. Perhaps sensing my unstable posture, Kwon Su-han firmly wrapped his arms around my waist.

His expression, when I glanced up, was very fierce and cold. So much so that it was hard to believe he was a person with such a gentle warmth and touch.

“Smooth your brow. A wrinkle is about to settle there.”

“A-class or S-class Soul Aura Users have either very high or very low self-esteem. Go Yu-jin has an extremely high self-esteem, so he might have strange thoughts when he sees you.”

“Strange thoughts?”

“It’s a feeling like curiosity you get when you see a creature similar to yourself yet different. A desire to test, to provoke a reaction, to elicit the emotions they want. That is very dangerous for you.”

It was advice a little too late. I felt like I had already gone through that test.

And recalling those lizard-like eyes from back then, it seemed I had produced a result that Yu-jin hyung didn’t want.

“Alright. Anyway, he’s leaving the country soon, so I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”

I squirmed and repositioned myself to face Kwon Su-han. I had him wrap both arms around my back, then leaned against him. I could feel the muscles in both arms behind my back tense to support my weight. Kwon Su-han’s face and mine were very close, but neither of us avoided eye contact.

“Kwon Su-han, did your first love succeed?”

“Well, why do you ask?”

“Just curious…”

I tried to smile, though I didn’t know if it was well-made.

“Hyung, I’m really… tired of misunderstandings now.”

“…Don’t worry now.”

Kwon Su-han embraced my lower back with one arm to support my weight and gently stroked my hair with his other hand.

“From now on, misunderstandings will be rare. Your aura has improved a lot. You’ll gradually feel the power you were meant to have returning.”

“Power?”

“Have your instincts improved recently? Like being able to better distinguish people’s lies from the truth. Or seeing a different side of someone you respected, or conversely, seeing someone you found awkward in a different light.”

I was a little surprised. It was as if he had been following me all day, observing me before speaking. I had seen a cute side of Min, whom I had always found awkward and uncomfortable, and felt a malicious aspect of Yu-jin hyung, whom I had always respected for his maturity.

Even when Jae-yi denied his words a few months ago, I had a sudden intuition that it was a lie…

“Until now, your aura was heavily damaged, so your abilities had diminished. Soul Aura is greatly affected by one’s mental state, so from the moment your aura manifested until recently, it had continuously been… damaged and chipped away. That’s why you experienced a vicious cycle of misfortune and accumulating misunderstandings. Now that your situation has changed, if you steadily receive aura healing, you will gradually start to see the truth, and gain the power to avoid misunderstandings.”

The power to avoid misunderstandings…

My heart swelled with emotion.

Wanting to tell Kwon Su-han about what happened today, I started talking ramblingly.

“Actually, I almost misunderstood the members today… When I went to the restaurant, they were talking behind my back. So I was about to leave, but then I went back and it wasn’t slander after all. I almost misunderstood, but I decided I didn’t want to misunderstand anymore. I wanted to confirm things, even if it meant getting hurt.”

Even with my rambling words, Kwon Su-han nodded as if he understood everything.

“You were brave. Well done.”

He was smiling contentedly. To others, he might have seemed cold, as if asking ‘Where is he even smiling?’, but I could feel it.

“Perhaps that’s why Yu-jin hyung seemed like a stranger to me today.”

“Don’t stay close to that Souler. He is absolutely not a good person for you.”

“Somehow, when Jae-yi confessed, it felt like a lie, so I pressed him, and it really was a lie.”

“…Confession?”

“Oh, not that the confession itself was a lie, but that… there was a misunderstanding in the past, and Jae-yi said that was a lie,”

“I know what you mean.”

Kwon Su-han’s voice had dropped. Before I could even wonder about the sudden chill in the air, the question came back immediately.

“So, what was your answer?”

“Huh?”

Kwon Su-han’s hand moved from the top of my head down to my side hair, then gently touched my earlobe. His gaze was on me as if to devour me. It was like a deep glacier submerged in the polar seas, or like the abyss of the deep sea, endlessly dark and profound.

My ear tickled, so I instinctively hunched my neck, moving away from his touch. Kwon Su-han’s hand followed me, cupping my cheek and stroking around my eyes.

“What’s your answer to the confession?”

“…Jae-yi told me to think about it and give him an answer.”

“What will you say?”

“You know, my feelings. Why do you ask when you already know… ”

I pouted, feeling sullen. Kwon Su-han was still holding my waist and caressing my face. I rested my cheek in his large hand.

“You two would make a good couple.”

Then he said something strange in a low tone.

“Kwon Jae-yi will truly love and cherish you. You two suit each other well.”

“…What are you talking about? You know my feelings. Why are you talking as if I’m going to date Jae-yi?”

I slapped away his hand that was caressing my cheek. I couldn’t understand this situation. I broke free from his embrace and glared at him with an incredulous expression.

“You know everything. I like you.”

Good heavens, I never thought I’d confess like this. But his reaction was far from what I expected. Kwon Su-han sighed.

“That’s a misunderstanding. It’s a type of affection felt towards an Aura Adapter during the aura healing process,”

“You like me too.”

“…That’s also a misunderstanding.”

“Don’t lie! I can feel your feelings too!”

I finally shouted. I couldn’t understand this man who denied feelings so clearly palpable. After openly showing rivalry towards Jae-yi. After stiffening coldly whenever Jae-yi was mentioned. And now he expects me to believe that?

“Do you think I’m a fool? If you’re going to deny it, at least control your expression. Where’s your usual cold face gone, telling me to believe what you’re saying with such pained eyes? As you said, my intuition has improved, so I can feel that it’s all a lie right now.”

“…Ira.”

Kwon Su-han reached out his arm towards me. I swatted his hand away. Amusingly, Kwon Su-han, who had pushed me away first, now looked hurt.

“I told you. I’m sick and tired of misunderstandings. My life has been ruined by countless misunderstandings repeated since I was born.”

“………”

“I’ll ask again. Do you really want me to date Jae-yi?”

Kwon Su-han sighed, pressing his hand to his forehead. He looked very distressed. It was the first time I’d seen him look so perplexed. I couldn’t understand why the person who had been such a reliable problem-solver for me was struggling so much, yet still trying to deny his feelings.

Kwon Su-han definitely liked me… I had felt those feelings every time I connected with him through aura. I thought this couldn’t be a lie.

I sat still, waiting for an answer. But Kwon Su-han’s lips never parted.

At that moment, I could make one assumption.

What if he wasn’t trying to deny his feelings? What if his perplexity wasn’t about denying them?

Then there was only one answer.

He doesn’t like me.

Someone like me…

My soaring heart plummeted. My entire body suddenly felt cold. I had made a disrespectful mistake.

Just because my intuition had improved, just because I’d caught Jae-yi in a lie once, I had become too arrogant. Beyond my station…

I felt ashamed, sorry, and… my heart was in so much pain. My head spun and throbbed, my vision going dark.

Ira went into his room. Kwon Su-han cursed and slammed his fist on the sofa. Ira’s pale, joyless face tormented him.

“Hyung, are you planning to keep Ira here?”

His younger brother had asked cautiously a few days ago. Kwon Su-han answered firmly yes, without a moment’s hesitation.

“Ira still needs healing.”

His younger brother, who trusted him as a doctor, nodded without questioning the answer.

However, Kwon Su-han was doubting his own words.

It was true that Ira needed healing. But after the healing was complete, could I… let Ira go?

The first thing he learned after manifesting as an Aura Adapter was self-control.

Aura Adapters are educated to always be wary of greed and to control their desires, as they can manipulate the emotions and thoughts of aura users. The abilities of an Adapter were essential in this era, which relied heavily on aura users, and equally dangerous. Because they could potentially use aura users to fulfill their selfish desires. The reason the state provided Adapters with extensive material support was precisely to prevent them from using their abilities for evil.

At his doctor’s commissioning ceremony, Kwon Su-han made a declaration: ‘I will constantly guard against my patient’s symptoms of addiction.’ It was a declaration every Adapter had to make.

Adapters had to provide ample explanation before healing a patient. They explained that patients might feel affection towards the Adapter during the healing process, but this feeling was a misunderstanding caused by the comfort experienced during healing, and patients themselves should be wary to avoid becoming addicted.

Since Soul Aura Users are prone to mistakenly believe they love the Adapter who heals them, Adapters must deal with such situations rationally.

Up until now, he had done well.

Many Soul Aura Users who received healing from him had confessed their feelings, but he had always replied, ‘Your feelings are a misunderstanding.’ He had never felt more than a doctor’s professional affection for a patient. Until he met Ira.

More than the 10-year age difference and being of the same gender, the fact that they were Adapter and patient was a greater obstacle. He had to decide what was right between the philosophy he had upheld his entire life as an Adapter and an irresistible emotion.

Who does Ira truly like?

A child with low self-esteem and no one around to help him would have been drawn to his sole protector…

It was a natural phenomenon. But it could not be called love.

What should he have said to Ira, who, facing someone desperately denying his feelings, fanned the flames by mentioning a confession from another man? Did that audacious boy, who claimed to already know his feelings, understand the desperation with which he suppressed his true heart, trying not to say “I like you”?

Before knowing who Ira truly loved, he could never say that he had come to like Ira. Because once he confessed, Ira would choose him.

That would be no different from a trashy Adapter who arbitrarily manipulated a child’s choice using their damaged aura.