ID Chapter 4

“Hey, what are you guys talking about so seriously?”

Luckily, Han-sae intervened. Han-sae’s nickname is ‘clueless idiot.’

“Is your makeup done?”

“Yeah. Hey, Jae-yi. It’s your turn next. But why are you looking at Ira as if you’re going to devour him? Isn’t your gaze too intense?”

Han-sae smiled slyly and squeezed in between Jae-yi and me. Thanks to him, it was me, not Jae-yi, who ended up cowering, but I was grateful nonetheless.

“Right, what were you talking about that there was such a strange atmosphere?”

Mun and Yadan also approached. Even the quiet Yadan said, “I thought you were fighting.”

“Huh? It was nothing important, so why the sudden attention? Hyung, it was nothing. We were just talking about being nervous before a fan signing. Aren’t you nervous?”

“Oh, that’s right. It’s a really pleasant kind of nervousness. It’s a little different from when we perform.”

“Seeing them so up close makes me even more nervous. I couldn’t sleep a wink last night.”

“I’ve been nervous ever since the schedule was set.”

When Mun smiled kindly and expressed his understanding, Han-sae and Yadan also eagerly agreed. It was a relief that the atmosphere lightened a bit. I smiled lightly and looked at Jae-yi.

As expected, Jae-yi didn’t continue the topic in this situation. It was a relief because continuing the topic would have put me at a disadvantage.

“This certainly wasn’t the time to talk about it. We’ll do it again later.”

Instead, he nudged me, made my heart skip a beat, and then leisurely left to get his makeup done.

“Why is that bastard trying to set such a mood?”

“Exactly.”

“Were you really talking about fan signing nervousness? Jae-yi’s face was too serious.”

“Yeah, we were. That bastard’s a bit strange. More importantly, we only have 30 minutes left. Han-sae and Hyung, how do you relieve your nervousness? Teach your fan signing junior a trick or two. Yadan, too.”

I smiled brightly and changed the subject. The clueless idiot Han-sae quickly followed along, and Mun looked suspicious but didn’t press. I don’t know what Yadan was thinking.

Perhaps the members knew. Even that clueless Han-sae probably knew, to some extent, that I was afraid of fans. He probably also knew the reason was that I was disliked by fans. I knew the members considered that natural, too.

As Endorphin’s main Souler and main vocalist, Go Yu-jin, inevitably left the group, I, a Souler capable of vocals, joined. Endorphin debuted in October 1050, Yu-jin Hyung left in June 1051, and I joined immediately that month.

At the time the news of my joining broke, the fans’ anger was beyond imagination. Petitions suggesting the group go on without a main vocalist even appeared on every site. If I had been an S-class Souler, would there have been less backlash? Of course, they would dislike an A-class coming to fill the spot of an S-class.

Rumors spread like wildfire that I had driven out Go Yu-jin. Even when Yu-jin Hyung posted an explanation directly on social media, they didn’t believe it.

Yu-jin Hyung quit after 8 months, and now I’m also in my eighth month. Although I would soon surpass the time he was active, I would probably never win the fans’ hearts. That belonged not to me, but to Go Yu-jin.

It was natural for me to be hated for taking the place of their idol, and that’s why the members would laugh off or pretend not to notice the bullying directed at me.

Just like now.

“Ah~ what’s this? The most popular person…”

“Hahahaha, Ira. What’s wrong? Kkkk.”

As a pre-fan signing event, five people from the front row were called up to play a short game with the member they wanted, but I was the only one not chosen.

The members burst out laughing, wondering why the popular me wasn’t chosen, and laughter erupted among the fans too. The writers and directors who came to film were also laughing. My chest throbbed, but having accumulated eight months of experience, I managed to force a smile.

“Ah, if this happens, my mom will really think I’m unpopular. Do it again, do it again~ There’s even someone holding my fan board over there.”

“The broadcast has to be without pretense. Kkkk. Hyung, hurry up and proceed with the game.”

Han-sae laughed and urged Mun to continue the game. Since they couldn’t play without me, the last high school girl fan who came up (holding a fan board that said ‘Bumsama Princess’) became my partner. The princess’s face was crestfallen.

At the writer’s signal, the game began. It proceeded in the order of Jae-yi, Han-sae, Mun, and Yadan. The first one up, that rascal Jae-yi, put his arm around the fan’s shoulder and took a sweet selfie. Booing and cheers erupted everywhere.

While Jae-yi was playing, I had to comfort the princess. I left the reactions to the other members and whispered to the princess.

“I’m sorry. I’ll get Jae-yi’s autograph for you.”

“But I want to take a selfie…”

“I’ll ask him after his game is over, so cheer up.”

“..Oppa, are you close with Jae-yi Oppa?”

“Yes, I’m close with him. I’ll make sure you get to take one.”

“Very close…?”

“Don’t worry, we’re very close.”

As soon as I said that, I realized my mistake. Fans disliked me being close with the members, especially since I had come in after Go Yu-jin was pushed out. The princess’s expression changed to an ambiguous one, neither smiling nor crying, making me regret it even more. But it wasn’t like I could suddenly deny not being that close. Anyway, my mouth runs wild. I always need to be careful with my words. Will this somehow backfire on Jae-yi?

“Okay then… let’s take one with all three of us.”

“Yes, sounds good.”

My heart ached, but I nodded with a smiling face for now.

The game continued, and Jae-yi’s team came in first. Mun Hyung’s team was last, and surprisingly, our team came in second. It seemed the princess participated more actively than expected. It must have been because the first-place prize was something like a member granting a wish.

“To the fan of Jae-yi’s team, who won first place with an overwhelming score, we give you the chance to make a request to Jae-yi. Please tell us your wish~”

“Does it have to be Jae-yi Oppa?”

“Oh, wasn’t Jae-yi your favorite member?”

“He is… but I want to ask another Oppa for the wish.”

A fan in a red coat suddenly looked at me. I was enjoying the show, but then our eyes met, and I was startled.

That fan was holding a placard that read ‘Forever Yu-jin’.

“Ira oppa, I hope you sing a verse of ‘Promise of Five’!”

“Wow!”

“Kyaaak!”

Cheers erupted. Fans were clapping loudly. ‘Promise of Five’ is Yu-jin hyung’s solo song. I had never sung this song before. I wouldn’t even dare to touch it.

“Oh, I’m curious about Ira’s version of ‘Promise of Five’.”

“That’s a good wish~~~”

Han-sae even whistled, stirring up the atmosphere. I alternated glances between the broadcast camera, the fans, and the members. Mun hyung was smiling profoundly, and Yadan’s eyes were sparkling. Han-sae was making a noisy fuss… Jae-yi… …What’s that wrinkle between his eyebrows? He was clearly displeased.

I also don’t want to touch Yu-jin hyung’s song, you know? I know it’s a kind of sacred ground. That’s why I haven’t covered it until now.

“Hurry, hurry!”

“Sing it! Sing it!”

I agonized for a short time.

Should I sing it badly? Or should I sing it incredibly well?

How could I get less criticism?

But I couldn’t find an answer. Even if I had more time to think, I wouldn’t have found a way to avoid criticism.

I gave up and opened my lips, thinking it was fortunate that ‘Promise of Five’ was a melancholic song.

“This is a cookie I made. Oppa, I heard you like vanilla cookies…”

“I also brought homemade fig jam and citron tea.”

At fan signing events, many kinds of gifts are given. Handwritten letters, dolls, household items, and so on. The most common type is food. Today, too, I received an armful of snacks and bread said to be homemade.

“Thank you. I’ll eat it well.”

I replied with a bright smile. Like a doll, like a machine.

After the fan signing event, the managers moved boxes with the members’ names written on them into the dorm living room.

Jae-yi received three boxes by himself, and the other members each had two full boxes. I also had two boxes, but one of mine was practically empty. As I checked the items in my box one by one, Han-sae excitedly exclaimed.

“Oh, it’s the new vibration wheel! I wanted this, how did they know?”

“Hey, you pressed ‘like’ on it.”

“Hehe, that’s right. You really have to appeal. Oh, Mun hyung, those shoes are the O-company limited edition Dolphin Signature no.5, aren’t they? There are only 100 of them in the whole world!”

“Really? That’s a bit much…”

“Hey, Yadan got the Dolphin 5 too.”

“Yes… I’m grateful.”

“Jae-yi has the same thing. Oh, I have it too. Looks like the fans got them for all of us.”

At his words, I looked at my box. I looked here and there, but I didn’t have it.

“Our fans must all be talented. Let’s take a photo with them on and post it.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s noisy. Ira, what about you?”

Jae-yi showed unwelcome interest. I did have a pair of sneakers, but they were different from the members’. When I held them up to show, Jae-yi casually acknowledged it.

“Well, your size is hard to find, after all.”

I wonder. I doubted if it was really about the size, but I just nodded as if there was nothing I could do.

But you and I both know. This was the fans’ way of expressing that they couldn’t accept me.

All the members knew, but they were pretending not to.

“Hey, it’s the same brand and probably the same fans anyway, so just put yours on and take the picture too. Quickly.”

“Now?”

“Now!”

Han-sae urged us, so we all changed into our sneakers. We gathered one foot each in the center and took a verification photo, but I felt incredibly awkward because only my product number was different. Even though mine was different, the members didn’t pay any attention and just moved on normally.

The two members who are active on SNS, Han-sae and Mun hyung, uploaded it right away. The two were soon engrossed in their phones, checking fan reactions.

Sigh.

I sighed inwardly and continued to examine the boxes. There were handwritten letters… clothes… and many small decorative items. As expected, food was the most abundant.

Among these, I wonder if there’s any food that’s truly safe to eat?

Honestly, I don’t know. It’s an Endorphin fan signing event, but Endorphin’s fans hate me.

Even the cute fans who blushed and said, “Oppa, I like you,” probably actually hate me. Hidden in the snacks that child gave me will be razor blades. The bread given by the noona fan who gently told me to eat a lot and gain weight probably contains pesticides. Just like the vanilla cookie I received at my first fan signing event.

The more gift wrapping I tore open, the heavier my heart felt. Next to me, Jae-yi was taking out a brand-O headset. A cute pink card was attached to it. Jae-yi carefully held the card, making sure not to crease it, and read it.

Watching him, I thought.

This wasn’t the idol life I had dreamed of.