ID Chapter 46

The after-party location was a restaurant near the company that we often go to, but it was late and alcohol had been ordered, so Yi Min, being a minor, was denied entry. Since parental accompaniment wasn’t allowed either, and we couldn’t leave him alone at the hotel, when his parents regretfully tried to not attend, Kwon Su-han offered to stay with him. His parents were very grateful.

At the after-party, all the members’ parents gathered, except for Jae-yi’s family. The after-party continued, moving locations up to the third round, but the parents went to another place after the second round. It seems they became quite close while experiencing the departure from Shik City this time.

The members and the hardworking staff partied late into the night. They mixed and drank bomb shots and even had a wild time at the karaoke bar. Of course, I only drank fruit wine and sang just one song.

Exactly at 2 o’clock, a call came from Kwon Su-han, whose patience had run out.

“Just how long do you plan to drink? Tell me where you are, I’ll come pick you up.”

“What about Yi Min? I can’t leave Yi Min alone.”

“Your brother fell asleep a long time ago. Where are you?”

“Here is… Ah, Yadan. That’s Han-sae’s shoe. It’s not for eating!”

Yadan, who had been burying his head on the table, suddenly sprang up, holding Han-sae’s shoe in his hand, and tried to bite and tear it, so I approached him in surprise.

“Hey, that’s really dirty. Are you hungry? Shall I order some snacks?”

“Ira, brother…”

“Hmm??”

“Brother… you’re like a chick. You’re so cute… your hands are tiny…”

Oh my. He’s making such a drunken fuss.

“Just put down the shoe. That’s Han-sae’s.”

“Brother Han-sae is so clueless…”

Yadan, with hazy eyes, uttered that one sentence and collapsed again.

I held back my chuckles and put the shoe down from his hand.

“Hey, I heard my name, what were you guys talking about?”

Han-sae, who was noisily drinking with the staff at the other table, asked loudly. What good ears he has. I replied that nothing was wrong.

I picked up the phone that had been tossed on the table. It was still on call.

“Kwon Su-han.”

“I’ve just started the engine, so tell me where you are.”

It was a voice that was clearly suppressing something. I obediently told him the location.

After hanging up the phone, I packed my bag and looked around. The table I was at was only filled with those who had lost the battle against alcohol. Among them, I approached Mun, who was sitting there dazed.

“Brother, I’m leaving first.”

“Uuhm?..”

“…Good job today, and see you later.”

He didn’t seem to be in his right mind, but I greeted him anyway. As I turned to leave, Mun’s voice stopped me.

“Ira.”

I turned around, and he was still with his eyes closed. It seemed he had just called out because he heard my voice.

“Ira… I’m sorry to you… I’m always sorry… It’s all because of me. I’m sorry…”

“…”

“I’m sorry…”

If I left him like this, he seemed like he would just keep apologizing endlessly, so I decided to lay him down on the sofa. After grunting and moving him to the side, I covered him with a couple of thin coats that people had taken off. He kept mumbling, whether in his sleep or still apologizing.

I felt sorry for my brother, who was only apologizing on such a good day. I, on the other hand, felt more refreshed and invigorated than ever before. Even the fear that it might be my last concert couldn’t overcome this joy and happiness…

“Brother, I’m okay. It’s not because of you, or anyone else. Don’t be sorry, let’s celebrate the day of our first concert together.”

“…”

As I whispered quietly, his drunken rambling stopped. He stirred, and burrowed into the coats I had covered him with.

Watching him, I quietly left the bar.

At the entrance of the bar’s parking lot, Jae-yi was there. Standing in the cold early morning wind, the sight of him smoking was a bit shocking.

“You smoke too??”

“…Going now? I’ll take you.”

“No, someone is coming to pick me up…”

As I approached, Jae-yi threw away his cigarette and stomped it out with his foot. Then, he used his Motion Aura to create a wind and disperse the lingering smell.

“How long have you been smoking? Can a singer smoke? We’re supposed to sign a contract and make a comeback soon. Should I tell Mun, brother?”

“Not long. I’ll smoke for a bit and then quit.”

Jae-yi chuckled and approached. And he buttoned up the shirt I had loosely put on.

“It’s cold. Why don’t you come out when Kwon Su-han arrives nearby? Don’t wait outside.”

“…To sober up a bit…”

Jae-yi’s eyes seemed somewhat red. To avoid being swayed by Jae-yi’s emotions, I looked elsewhere.

I knew this was the right time. It was the moment to give the answer that had been postponed by Jae-yi. But I couldn’t speak.

Silence fell. Other than the sound of cars passing and the wind scattering as it hit the wall, it was quiet.

“I’ll go inside. Both he and I won’t feel good if we see each other.”

As it was time for Kwon Su-han to arrive, and I kept turning my head every time a car passed, Jae-yi, perhaps bothered, said he would go inside.

“…You too, don’t drink too much, stay for a reasonable amount of time and then leave.”

Jae-yi waved his hand and walked away with heavy steps. I was watching his retreating figure, when Jae-yi suddenly stopped and turned around. And standing there, he asked.

“Don’t you feel regret?”

“Regret about what?”

“The times we liked each other.”

“…”

“How we grew apart due to misunderstandings. I felt wronged and frustrated, I couldn’t even sleep properly.”

A gloomy look appeared in Jae-yi’s eyes. To see resignation settle in the eyes of someone who was always so confident and passionate, it pained my heart.

“Jae-yi, I…”

“I know. I asked, even though I knew what you would say.”

Jae-yi smiled. It was a very lonely smile.

“Even during practice… and your performance today. You seem happy these days.”

Jae-yi paused mid-sentence and took a breath.

“It’s good to see.”

“…”

“I’ll go. Later… let’s see each other as Endorphin.”

It was a voice heavily suppressing its true feelings. It was my intuition. He was trying to send me off with these words to make me comfortable, to lighten my heart.

Jae-yi walked away again. I watched him until he was out of sight.

Kwon Su-han took me to his house, not the hotel where my family was staying. I had a lot to say, but after washing up, I felt so sleepy that I decided to postpone it.

The next day, I opened my eyes when the sun was high in the sky.

After a quick wash in the en-suite bathroom, I came out to find Jin-ho and Min eating bread while watching TV.

“Hyung, put on something else. Why is every show just games?”

“You put it on, you punk. The remote is next to you.”

“I’m eating bread. You put it on, Hyung.”

“Am I not eating bread too?”

Their conversation was like that of twenty-year friends.

“Are you up?”

Kwon Su-han, who was in the kitchen, spotted me and immediately approached, handing me a glass of water. At the sound, Jin-ho shot up.

“Oh, Ira, you’re awake. Yesterday’s concert, wheee, you were so cool.”

“Ah… you came too, Hyung?”

“Yeah, I had something to do, so I left right after it ended and didn’t get to see our Ira.”

“Crazy… what’s with his way of speaking?”

Min swore roughly. Jin-ho glared once, then immediately became a gentle lamb in front of me again.

Concert impressions poured out, from “the song was so good” to “what kind of fucking bastard is that Go Yu-jin?” Min looked at my face and said one thing.

“Thought you were a goldfish.”

I know. I was surprised myself when I washed my face. Since I started crying from the moment I saw the “[Ira, I like you, I love you]” picket yesterday… it’s only natural.

Jin-ho defended me, saying he cried too. And Kwon Su-han stopped the endless stream of impressions.

“Let’s feed Ira first. I’ve made hangover soup.”

That was exactly what I had been hoping to hear.

As I sat at the table, Kwon Su-han brought over cutlery, rice, and side dishes one by one. Meanwhile, in the living room, Jin-ho and Min were having a fierce conversation.

I gestured to Kwon Su-han, who was serving me the dried pollock soup, silently asking what was up with those two.

“Yesterday, even when you were half-asleep, you kept whining that Min shouldn’t be left alone, so I sent Jin-ho, and they came back as friends. That guy has a low mental age, tsk.” (Referring to Jin-ho)

“You sent him on an errand in the middle of the night???”

“He wasn’t sleeping anyway.”

Kwon Su-han said it as if it were obvious, then sat opposite me.

“Try a sip of the soup. It’s not hot.”

“Okay…”

I spooned up a mouthful of the dried pollock soup. “Kyah,” it was so refreshing and soothing, I put down my spoon and lifted the bowl itself.

Gulp, gulp. I knew soup was running down my chin, but I kept drinking.

“Kyah.”

As I put down the empty bowl, Kwon Su-han, who had been smiling contentedly, handed me a soft tissue.

“Would you like another bowl?”

“I’ll get it myself.”

“Stay seated.”

While Kwon Su-han was serving the soup, I wiped my mouth with the tissue.

After a long, deep sleep, Kwon Su-han brought me refreshing dried pollock soup that soothed my insides. And in the living room, his brother and my brother were excitedly chatting like the best of friends. It was such a peaceful and happy scene.

As I crunched on an apple cut into a rabbit shape, Kwon Su-han sent Jin-ho and Min out. He gave them plenty of money to send them off, and they left happily.

“I never knew Jin-ho could swear like ‘fucking bastard’.”

“He doesn’t usually swear much, that guy. Your brother, on the other hand, surprised me. The way he cursed Go Yu-jin yesterday, I can’t even repeat it.”

“Really? At most, it was probably just ‘fuck’ or something.”

“Something like if that little fern-dick keeps acting up, he’ll only leave the roots… And what else? Something about cutting off his tongue, twisting it up, roasting it over a fire, and giving it to the neighborhood stray dog.”

“…….”

I almost felt sorry for Yu-jin Hyung.

After brushing my teeth thoroughly, sleepiness washed over me. I hadn’t been able to rest while preparing for the concert, and after burning myself out yesterday, my whole body ached.

Kwon Su-han sat me, aching and groaning, in a massage chair. As the machine massaged my throbbing arms, legs, shoulders, and even the back of my neck with evenly distributed, appropriate pressure, moans naturally escaped me.

“Mmm… Hmph….”

“…….”

“Hnnngh… Mmm..”

“…….”

Kwon Su-han, who had been looking at a tablet PC opposite me, put it down with a click.

“Are you doing that on purpose?”

“What do you mean? Hnnngh…”

“…….”

Kwon Su-han let out a short breath, “Ha,” then roughly ran his hands through his hair. And he strode closer, gripping both armrests of the massage chair.

The ceiling fluorescent light was obscured, casting a shadow.

Kwon Su-han’s gaze was like ice boiling coldly. It was a strange comparison, but it was truly like that.

The distance was too close. It felt like 30cm, no, not even 20cm. I could even hear his breathing.

I wanted to avoid his deep, cold gaze, like the abyssal sea. But I was trapped in the chair, unable to budge, with both sides enclosed by Kwon Su-han’s arms.

My mind, relaxed by the massage, instantly snapped awake.

“Kwon Su-han-ssi?”

He’s terrifyingly sexy, but why is he acting like this all of a sudden…?

“Why…? Is something wrong?”

When I cautiously looked up and asked, Kwon Su-han furrowed his brow.

“…….”

Then, without a word, he quickly went into the bedroom. Bang, the door slammed shut.

How long did I sit there, just blinking blankly? The massage chair stopped working, and after a long while, he reappeared.

His hair was wet, as if he’d showered. But other than that, he was the same as usual.

“Want more massage?”

“Ye…No.”

“Are you going to do it or not?”

“I’ll stop. I’d rather look at fan reactions.”

“Alright.”

Kwon Su-han handed me the tablet PC. His gaze and tone were the same as usual, which somehow reassured me. The Kwon Su-han from earlier was too… well…

It wasn’t that I disliked it, but it was just… something. I think such a situation is too early for us. Kwon Su-han shouldn’t just do things like that without acknowledging his feelings for me.

End of chapterIt was a voice heavily suppressing its true feelings. It was my intuition. He was trying to send me off with these words to make me comfortable, to lighten my heart.

Jae-yi walked away again. I watched him until he was out of sight.

Kwon Su-han took me to his house, not the hotel where my family was staying. I had a lot to say, but after washing up, I felt so sleepy that I decided to postpone it.

The next day, I opened my eyes when the sun was high in the sky.

After a quick wash in the en-suite bathroom, I came out to find Jin-ho and Min eating bread while watching TV.

“Hyung, put on something else. Why is every show just games?”

“You put it on, you punk. The remote is next to you.”

“I’m eating bread. You put it on, Hyung.”

“Am I not eating bread too?”

Their conversation was like that of twenty-year friends.

“Are you up?”

Kwon Su-han, who was in the kitchen, spotted me and immediately approached, handing me a glass of water. At the sound, Jin-ho shot up.

“Oh, Ira, you’re awake. Yesterday’s concert, wheee, you were so cool.”

“Ah… you came too, Hyung?”

“Yeah, I had something to do, so I left right after it ended and didn’t get to see our Ira.”

“Crazy… what’s with his way of speaking?”

Min swore roughly. Jin-ho glared once, then immediately became a gentle lamb in front of me again.

Concert impressions poured out, from “the song was so good” to “what kind of fucking bastard is that Go Yu-jin?” Min looked at my face and said one thing.

“Thought you were a goldfish.”

I know. I was surprised myself when I washed my face. Since I started crying from the moment I saw the “[Ira, I like you, I love you]” picket yesterday… it’s only natural.

Jin-ho defended me, saying he cried too. And Kwon Su-han stopped the endless stream of impressions.

“Let’s feed Ira first. I’ve made hangover soup.”

That was exactly what I had been hoping to hear.

As I sat at the table, Kwon Su-han brought over cutlery, rice, and side dishes one by one. Meanwhile, in the living room, Jin-ho and Min were having a fierce conversation.

I gestured to Kwon Su-han, who was serving me the dried pollock soup, silently asking what was up with those two.

“Yesterday, even when you were half-asleep, you kept whining that Min shouldn’t be left alone, so I sent Jin-ho, and they came back as friends. That guy has a low mental age, tsk.”

“You sent him on an errand in the middle of the night???”

“He wasn’t sleeping anyway.”

Kwon Su-han said it as if it were obvious, then sat opposite me.

“Try a sip of the soup. It’s not hot.”

“Okay…”

I spooned up a mouthful of the dried pollock soup. “Kyah,” it was so refreshing and soothing, I put down my spoon and lifted the bowl itself.

Gulp, gulp. I knew soup was running down my chin, but I kept drinking.

“Kyah.”

As I put down the empty bowl, Kwon Su-han, who had been smiling contentedly, handed me a soft tissue.

“Would you like another bowl?”

“I’ll get it myself.”

“Stay seated.”

While Kwon Su-han was serving the soup, I wiped my mouth with the tissue.

After a long, deep sleep, Kwon Su-han brought me refreshing dried pollock soup that soothed my insides. And in the living room, his brother and my brother were excitedly chatting like the best of friends. It was such a peaceful and happy scene.

As I crunched on an apple cut into a rabbit shape, Kwon Su-han sent Jin-ho and Min out. He gave them plenty of money to send them off, and they left happily.

“I never knew Jin-ho could swear like ‘fucking bastard’.”

“He doesn’t usually swear much, that guy. Your brother, on the other hand, surprised me. The way he cursed Go Yu-jin yesterday, I can’t even repeat it.”

“Really? At most, it was probably just ‘fuck’ or something.”

“Something like if that little fern-dick keeps acting up, he’ll only leave the roots… And what else? Something about cutting off his tongue, twisting it up, roasting it over a fire, and giving it to the neighborhood stray dog.”

“…….”

I almost felt sorry for Yu-jin Hyung.

After brushing my teeth thoroughly, sleepiness washed over me. I hadn’t been able to rest while preparing for the concert, and after burning myself out yesterday, my whole body ached.

Kwon Su-han sat me, aching and groaning, in a massage chair. As the machine massaged my throbbing arms, legs, shoulders, and even the back of my neck with evenly distributed, appropriate pressure, moans naturally escaped me.

“Mmm… Hmph….”

“…….”

“Hnnngh… Mmm..”

“…….”

Kwon Su-han, who had been looking at a tablet PC opposite me, put it down with a click.

“Are you doing that on purpose?”

“What do you mean? Hnnngh…”

“…….”

Kwon Su-han let out a short breath, “Ha,” then roughly ran his hands through his hair. And he strode closer, gripping both armrests of the massage chair.

The ceiling fluorescent light was obscured, casting a shadow.

Kwon Su-han’s gaze was like ice boiling coldly. It was a strange comparison, but it was truly like that.

The distance was too close. It felt like 30cm, no, not even 20cm. I could even hear his breathing.

I wanted to avoid his deep, cold gaze, like the abyssal sea. But I was trapped in the chair, unable to budge, with both sides enclosed by Kwon Su-han’s arms.

My mind, relaxed by the massage, instantly snapped awake.

“Kwon Su-han-ssi?”

He’s terrifyingly sexy, but why is he acting like this all of a sudden…?

“Why…? Is something wrong?”

When I cautiously looked up and asked, Kwon Su-han furrowed his brow.

“…….”

Then, without a word, he quickly went into the bedroom. Bang, the door slammed shut.

How long did I sit there, just blinking blankly? The massage chair stopped working, and after a long while, he reappeared.

His hair was wet, as if he’d showered. But other than that, he was the same as usual.

“Want more massage?”

“Ye…No.”

“Are you going to do it or not?”

“I’ll stop. I’d rather look at fan reactions.”

“Alright.”

Kwon Su-han handed me the tablet PC. His gaze and tone were the same as usual, which somehow reassured me. The Kwon Su-han from earlier was too… well…

It wasn’t that I disliked it, but it was just… something. I think such a situation is too early for us. Kwon Su-han shouldn’t just do things like that without acknowledging his feelings for me.

Furthermore, I’m no longer an idol without fans, nor one who is hated, so I need to strictly manage my relationships. At the concert, over 10,000 fans held up placards saying, ‘Ira, we like you, we love you,’ because I’m that kind of popular idol!

…though I don’t know if I’ll be able to continue being an idol.

My pounding heart sank as I recalled CEO Shin Dong-woo’s petty threats.

Perhaps my expression had unknowingly become downcast, as Kwon Su-han peeked over and looked at the screen I was watching. Coincidentally, on the tablet PC there was an article titled ‘Go Yu-jin’s Surprise Appearance’. Kwon Su-han probably thought the reason I was feeling down was because of Yu-jin Hyung. That was a relief, in a way.

“It seems he came without prior consultation. Right?”

“Was it that obvious? I was really surprised, and my expression unconsciously stiffened.”

“It wasn’t obvious, and even if it was, all the fans disliked him anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean ‘disliked’? They cheered every time Yu-jin Hyung said something.”

“It’s amazing how boos sound like cheers to you.”

Kwon Su-han clicked his tongue. Whether it was boos or cheers, now I also know that fans don’t enthusiastically like Yu-jin Hyung as much as I thought, so it doesn’t matter.

“Now that I think about it, Yu-jin Hyung was waiting for me until the end of the concert.”

“He waited for you?”

“Yeah. When he didn’t come up again, I thought he’d left entirely out of pride, but he stayed behind and waited for me. And then he just said some truly incomprehensible things before leaving, I still don’t know what he meant.”

“What did he say?”

I briefly recounted what had happened with Yu-jin Hyung.

Kwon Su-han furrowed and then unfurrowed his brow, listening quietly to everything, and then said:

“His curiosity has twisted. Don’t think too deeply about it. S-class Soul Aura Users are inherently unpredictable.”

I decided not to think deeply about it, as he suggested.

Regardless of that, I should finish reading the article I was on. After reading the entire article, as I was about to read the comments, Kwon Su-han took the tablet. He tapped somewhere on it and then handed it back.

It was a fan page where our Ira-deokhu gathered.

Many fancams were already uploaded. There were also many direct photos, but they weren’t the ‘me’ I knew at all… Our fans are really good at Photoshop.

I thought I’d set one of the photos I liked as my KakaoTalk profile picture, and without thinking, even though it wasn’t my phone, I tried to save it, but ‘A file with the same name exists’ popped up, and I chuckled. Just in case, I pressed and held another photo to save it, and the same warning appeared. Kwon Su-han, who had been watching the screen with me, got up silently and went into the study.

I burst into loud laughter, slapping the sofa.

I scrolled down, thinking.

I would not tell Kwon Su-han about CEO Shin Dong-woo’s threats.

「I’ll give you a week, tell Kwon Su-han to stop his insidious schemes. If he shows no sign of stopping, I’ll reveal your past.」

I had sent him off without being able to object to CEO Shin Dong-woo’s proposal.

In five days, everyone would know my past. That is, if I didn’t take any action beforehand.

Originally, I intended to bear it all. Even if it meant I could never be an idol again… I was ready to accept everything. That’s why, when the concert started yesterday, I began with the resolve that it would be my last. But watching the fans cheer, cry, laugh, and get excited for us, my thoughts changed a lot.

To ensure that yesterday’s concert isn’t my last, I must do my best for myself.

I won’t tell Kwon Su-han that I was threatened because of what he’s doing. The reason Kwon Su-han is trying to find evidence that CEO Shin Dong-woo is misusing his Adapter abilities is ultimately for me.

I can’t lean on him forever. If I were to tell Kwon Su-han, he would say that leaning on an adult is natural, but I’ve received too much help from him already.

And this is something I must resolve completely on my own. I want to solve it. In my short life, for the first time since I dreamed of being an idol, I felt the desire to do something for myself. Completely for myself… for me.