Chapter 4 Part 4

A voice filled with clear hesitation called out to him. Jeong Tae-ui stopped walking and looked back. Shinru was looking up at Jeong Tae-ui with a peculiar expression. Strangely, he was as red-faced as Jeong Tae-ui.

“Hyung, uh, I…”

“…?”

“Excuse me.”

Shinru’s face gradually reddened. It was like the color of the sky as the sun set. His voice became increasingly hushed.

The sight of him blushing and dropping his head was so pathetic that Jeong Tae-ui felt a needless sense of uneasiness. It’s okay to just get angry. It’s okay to shout.

Jeong Tae-ui clenched his fist in his pocket, bracing himself for harsh words from Shinru.

However, after a long period of hesitation and uncertainty, the words Shinru finally uttered, as if having made up his mind, were entirely different from what Jeong Tae-ui had expected.

“I… I’ve slept with a man before.”

“…”

Thud, the cigarette in his mouth fell. Jeong Tae-ui stared blankly at Shinru, not even noticing the cigarette that had fallen between his feet. Shinru’s fumbling, avoiding eye contact and only looking at his feet, was clearly visible.

“It was about two winters after I graduated high school, ah, I skipped a grade, so I wasn’t an adult yet then, but I once went with a friend to a place where, uh, only men gather.”

“And then, I did it for the first time, …”

By the time he couldn’t finish his sentence and closed his mouth, Shinru’s face was completely flushed.

Jeong Tae-ui couldn’t even blink, just staring blankly at Shinru. He seemed utterly dazed. His mind went blank, no thoughts came to him.

After a long silence, Shinru, who had been hesitantly raising his gaze, suddenly pointed and shouted with a surprised face, “Hyung! Your cigarette! Your cigarette!” Only then did Jeong Tae-ui lower his head, and seeing the lit cigarette that had fallen by his feet ignite the dry grass and subtly emit smoke, he frantically stomped on the grass blades.

Jeong Tae-ui’s hands were nervous as he extinguished the embers, picked up the cigarette butt, and put it in his pocket. He took out the last remaining cigarette, put it in his mouth, and tried to light it, but the lighter wouldn’t catch. His fingers kept fumbling.

“Wait, what did I just hear?” “I think I heard something strange, but my mind is blank, like a part of my memory is missing.” “So, just a moment ago, Shinru called me ‘Tae-ui Hyung’ and stopped me.” “And the words he hesitated to say, so… Argh, why won’t this damn lighter catch fire?”

Unable to watch Jeong Tae-ui fumble with the lighter, clicking it several times without success, Shinru, still red-faced and with his head bowed like a guilty person, hesitantly approached. He gently took the lighter from Jeong Tae-ui’s hand and lit it for him instead. “Ah, thanks,” Jeong Tae-ui said as he lit his cigarette, then silently took the lighter Shinru handed back and put it in his pocket.

“…”

“…”

A subtle silence hung in the air. Shinru stood in front of Jeong Tae-ui, at an arm’s length.

Jeong Tae-ui, who had been blankly staring at Shinru and exhaling smoke, flinched when Shinru coughed softly a couple of times. He then mumbled, “Sorry,” before quickly turning his head and forcefully blowing out the smoke. He then put out the cigarette he had barely even smoked. Tou would probably have glared and thrown a fit if he had seen it, but Jeong Tae-ui didn’t care about such things.

“Uh… was it… good?”

The moment he spoke after agonizing over it, Jeong Tae-ui wanted to cut off his own head.

What on earth had he just asked? “Was it good?” In this context, what was he even referring to?

Indeed, Shinru’s eyes widened in surprise, and he stared intently at Jeong Tae-ui. “No, that’s not what I meant,” Jeong Tae-ui stammered, waving his hand. He broke into a cold sweat.

“No, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” “I just, …I meant, was it unpleasant?”

Shinru quietly watched Jeong Tae-ui’s flustered face as he desperately tried to explain himself. Then, he slowly shook his head.

“It wasn’t unpleasant.” “…It’s just that I’ve been too busy since then to go to a place like that again… and after that, I stopped being attracted to women…”

Shinru’s neck subtly flushed as he spoke with his head bowed, as if shy. Seeing that, Jeong Tae-ui’s already flushed face became even hotter.

How funny would they look if someone saw them like this? Two grown men, red-faced, standing opposite each other and staring down at their feet. But even if someone were laughing wildly nearby, Jeong Tae-ui felt he wouldn’t care. The thought of “maybe, just maybe” warmed his chest, making his heart flutter.

Jeong Tae-ui idly pushed and pulled the long cigarette butt lying at his feet with his toe. Then Shinru, who had been silent for a while, whispered softly.

“Tae-ui Hyung. A few days ago, when we were drinking tea…”

Flinch, his toe stepped on the cigarette. His foot, slowly drawing the cigarette closer, moved hesitantly.

“When you touched me like that, there was a soap smell, and you were so close, so…”

“Oh, I see…”

Shinru nodded and mumbled. That was all. Shinru still had his head bowed, his face red up to his ears, and Jeong Tae-ui was no different.

Then, at some point, Shinru very slowly raised his head. His black eyes glanced up at Jeong Tae-ui. His heart skipped a beat at the moist, shining eyes.

It was just as Jeong Tae-ui was about to look away. Shinru smiled faintly. He smiled shyly, his lips curving up just slightly, as if embarrassed. Jeong Tae-ui couldn’t tear his eyes away from that smiling mouth.

“…Hyung. Let’s go back together.” “I’ll wait here… no, I want to see the sea one more time too.”

Saying that, Shinru walked past Jeong Tae-ui and started walking towards the sea again. Jeong Tae-ui stood rooted to the spot, blankly watching Shinru’s retreating back. Only when Shinru, some distance away, looked back and tilted his head, did Jeong Tae-ui hastily chase after him.

His heart was pounding wildly. His heart raced as if he had grasped an unbelievable stroke of luck.