SABA Chapter 60

For Huo Shen, that dark time was like being trapped in a swamp, with countless bones beneath constantly trying to pull him down. Jiang Tiao was the only one standing on the shore, trying every method and desperately trying to pull him up.

He didn’t want anything to happen to him, nor did he want him to be implicated or harmed because of his affairs.

If it were just for revenge, it would have been much simpler to feign ignorance and stay by their side. After all, if a person is willing to risk their own life, there are many ways to bring down those around them in a mutual destruction.

Jiang Tiao stood flustered by the bedside of the examination room, his eyes red-rimmed, as if he were in more pain than Huo Shen. “Don’t be like this.”

The burning tears dripped onto his hand, searing his skin as if with fire.

“Don’t be like this,” Jiang Tiao lunged at him, hugging him tightly. He cried with heart-wrenching pain, his liver and intestines twisted. Tears dripped onto his neck, like boiling water falling on ice, melting away the numb, frozen heart bit by bit. “Brother Huo Shen, don’t be like this.”

Huo Shen wiped away Jiang Tiao’s tears, feeling the warmth and moisture on his fingertips. He had lost his way, but he never expected someone to care about him so much, to be heartbroken and in unbearable pain because of his death and departure.

After that, Jiang Tiao ate and slept with him. Anything he ate, Jiang Tiao would deliberately consume it in front of outsiders first. He hid from him, letting himself run a high fever, which recurred despite prolonged treatment, until Huo Shen caught him secretly flushing the fever reducer down the toilet.

Anger mixed with heartache felt as if Huo Shen’s heart was being sliced apart by a knife. He hated those people, but even more, he hated that Jiang Tiao suffered because of him.

“You, don’t worry,” Jiang Tiao could barely stand, leaning on him, weakly grabbing his clothes, yet still trying to comfort him. “They all know what kind of person my dad is. Don’t, don’t worry, they wouldn’t dare let me die here.”

Jiang Tiao struggled to lift his head. His cheeks were flushed red, only his eyes were bright: “You believe me, I will definitely take you home.”

Jiang Tiao’s words and his eyes, bright as stars in the darkness, were like a light that pierced the darkness surrounding him. With the force of an ax splitting a mountain, it pulled him completely out of the swamp, forever illuminating his path forward and his way home.

Jiang Tiao: “Why did you suddenly remember past events?”

Huo Shen gently rubbed his fingertips, the sensation of warmth and moisture left by wiping Jiang Tiao’s tears still lingering, like a brand imprinted on his heart.

“I’m sorry.”

He had thought back then that he would never let Jiang Tiao suffer any harm. But now, it was he himself who had caused Jiang Tiao so much distress.

Huo Shen’s abrupt apology caught Jiang Tiao off guard. His gaze fell on Huo Shen’s face, and after a long while… he deliberately said, “Oh, you remembered how I deliberately took a cold shower in the cold for you back then, right? Then you really should apologize.” Jiang Tiao was talking nonsense, “I think my poor memory now is because I had a high fever when I was little. You also said you’d be responsible for me your whole life, but then you turned around and fell for some unknown wild kid who appeared out of nowhere! Hmph! Ungrateful! Fickle! Abandoning love!”

Jiang Tiao was originally speaking in jest, but as he spoke, he also clenched his teeth.

The veins on Huo Shen’s temples twitched. He reached out and pinched Jiang Tiao’s cheeks, covering his mouth.

“Mmm, mmm mmm…” Huo Shen’s grip was so strong. Jiang Tiao struggled and clawed a couple of times but couldn’t break free. He could only glare, trying to express his condemnation with his eyes.

Huo Shen saw Jiang Tiao’s watery eyes and couldn’t help but associate them with certain unspeakable scenes. This life was truly unbearable! If this continued, he felt he would soon become a saint!

Jiang Tiao was indeed boisterous when drunk, but he was slightly more obedient when Huo Shen was around, though only slightly. During the journey from the underground parking lot back home, he had played the role of a “gold medal” mediator, almost breaking up a couple who were arguing.

Worried that he would get hurt, Huo Shen forcibly dragged him away, only to encounter another drunkard who was depressed and heartbroken from being dumped. In just a few sentences, Jiang Tiao almost convinced the man that they were kindred spirits, and then the man began to passionately support Jiang Tiao in accusing Huo Shen of being unfaithful.

The veins on Huo Shen’s forehead were throbbing. He had previously thought this residential area was quite good. Low plot ratio, and the people he occasionally saw were all well-dressed, busy executives and elites who were too occupied to even notice the gender of the people passing by, maintaining a good distance and indifference between individuals.

But in just one night, how had it turned into this? He was even considering if he should move!

Huo Shen finally managed to get Jiang Tiao back home, and before he could even catch his breath, he saw the young master starting a new round of mischief.

“I want to take a bath.”

“You go ahead.”

“I’m drunk, I can’t wash by myself.”

“I can help you find a caregiver.”

“I don’t want that!!” Jiang Tiao, angered, struggled to sit up from the sofa and accused, “Last time you were drunk, I was the one who helped you wash!”

Huo Shen: “I was drunk, I don’t remember.”

Jiang Tiao was dumbfounded. How could someone be so shameless!

Alcohol made his thinking sluggish. Jiang Tiao, with his wide, round eyes, thought for a long time but couldn’t come up with a rebuttal.

Seeing Jiang Tiao’s dazed expression, Huo Shen was initially reflecting on whether he was being a bit too harsh.

Jiang Tiao: “I don’t care, I helped you wash anyway. Tit for tat, you have to help me too!”

Huo Shen chuckled. It was true, he had forgotten that this young master was very good at making unreasonable demands and taking advantage of situations when he was sober, let alone now that he was drunk.

Jiang Tiao: “Are you really going to let me wash by myself? Think carefully, what if I slip and hit my head in the bathroom, or drown in the bathtub? Then you’ll be the prime suspect! This place of yours will become a haunted house!”

After speaking, Jiang Tiao saw that Huo Shen remained unmoved. Angrily, he threw his jacket on the sofa and stumbled into the bathroom.

How could Huo Shen really feel at ease leaving Jiang Tiao alone in the bathroom? As soon as Jiang Tiao closed the bathroom door, Huo Shen followed him into Jiang Tiao’s room. Huo Shen had just found him a change of pajamas when he heard a “clatter” sound from the bathroom.

Huo Shen immediately pushed open the door and saw Jiang Tiao leaning against the washbasin, with toiletries deliberately spilled beside him. His eyes held a triumphant and innocent look that said, “I knew you wouldn’t be able to leave me.”

Huo Shen’s eyes twitched, and he was about to leave Jiang Tiao behind. However, before he could turn, Jiang Tiao clung to him.

Jiang Tiao clung to him tightly like an octopus, shamelessly preventing him from leaving. He was very close, almost touching, his body heat transferring through their clothes, almost melting and scorching him.

Just as Huo Shen was about to lose his patience, Jiang Tiao let go of him first.

He sighed, seemingly troubled: “Alas, forget it, why don’t you wait for me outside then.”

Huo Shen: “?”

Jiang Tiao: “I think I’m a bit hard, I need to take care of my physiological needs.”

“……” For the first time, Huo Shen understood what it meant to have a thousand words to say but be speechless. He really wanted to push Jiang Tiao’s head into the bathtub and see if the water in his head was more than the water in the bathtub.

Sometimes he really didn’t know who was more miserable, himself or Jiang Mingyan. The latter had opened up too late.

And his mistake was opening up too early!

It was one thing to have the person he liked lying beside him defenselessly every day, and now, without any reservations! He felt he would eventually be driven mad by Jiang Tiao. Even a saint wouldn’t need to undergo such a test?!

While on one hand he marveled at Jiang Tiao’s genuine frankness towards him, on the other hand, he felt extremely pathetic. Wasn’t frankness synonymous with having no reservations, meaning Jiang Tiao truly considered him a friend with whom he could share anything?

Appropriate physiological release seemed to genuinely alleviate anxiety. Jiang Tiao felt incredibly peaceful. He hugged his pillow and knocked on Huo Shen’s door, “Can I sleep with you?”

He saw Huo Shen lying flat on the bed, looking exhausted and resigned, as if he had seen through the world, regardless of what he had been through. “Whatever.”

Jiang Tiao didn’t think too much about it. Happily, he hugged Huo Shen and slept soundly, a dreamless, sweet sleep.

The next morning, Jiang Tiao opened his eyes. He saw the warm spring sunlight filtering through the sheer curtains onto Huo Shen’s sleeping face, casting a thin layer of golden light that made him look exceptionally gentle and warm. His thick eyelashes drooped, casting a shadow under his eyes. Jiang Tiao reached out and touched them, feeling his long eyelashes brush against his fingertips, a ticklish sensation that reached his heart as if a feather was lightly sweeping over it.

Huo Shen was always a light sleeper. Normally, he would have woken up by this time, but it was because he slept too late and was too mentally exhausted. Feeling the movement, he groggily opened his eyes.

Huo Shen’s eyes were still carrying the grogginess and haze of just waking up. Jiang Tiao felt his heart skip a beat, as if struck by a runaway animal.

In Huo Shen’s confused and puzzled expression, he couldn’t help but lean down and place a good morning kiss on Huo Shen’s forehead.

Huo Shen liked men, and he could also like men. So why couldn’t he like Huo Shen?

……

Jiang Mingyan looked up from the contract for the tenth time, looking at Jiang Tiao, who was sitting on the sofa in his office holding a mug, gazing dazedly and confusedly out the floor-to-ceiling window at the blue sky and white clouds.

He felt this scene was incredibly familiar.

Wasn’t Jiang Tiao sitting here a few months ago, with the same expression, holding the same mug, sitting in the same position, with almost no change in posture?

When did his office become a psychotherapy room? One by one, they all liked to sit here and space out when they had something on their minds. Jiang Mingyan helplessly put down the contract he was halfway through reading, “Speak, what are you unable to figure out this time?”

Jiang Tiao’s gaze drifted to Jiang Mingyan, until he made Jiang Mingyan start to wonder if he had done something recently. Then he said, dejectedly and resentfully, “Huo Shen has someone he likes, do you know?”

Jiang Mingyan raised an eyebrow, intrigued. He debated between “Ah, of course I know!” and “Oh? I’ve heard something,” and finally decided to subtly throw the question back to Jiang Tiao, “So?”

Jiang Tiao opened his mouth and found himself speechless. Why was everyone’s reaction so calm after knowing this? It made him feel like he was stating the obvious. What about curiosity? Didn’t anyone wonder who Huo Shen liked?

Jiang Tiao recalled the line “according to relevant sources” in an interview. Jiang Tiao suddenly narrowed his eyes: “Do you know who Huo Shen likes?”

Jiang Mingyan chuckled twice, not directly answering Jiang Tiao’s question, “Huo Shen is how old? It’s normal for him to have liked someone.”

Jiang Mingyan’s answer was clever, but Jiang Tiao immediately detected something. He knew Jiang Mingyan must know something, so he cautiously asked, “Then do you think it’s possible between Huo Shen and that person?”

Jiang Mingyan looked at Jiang Tiao with a half-smile, “Why do you care so much about whether it’s possible between Huo Shen and that person? Even if Huo Shen finds a partner, it won’t affect your friendship. Or are you worried that after Huo Shen finds a partner, he’ll take away his attention and care for you?”

“This is not how friends should be.”

“I…” Jiang Tiao’s expression was subtle. He wanted to retort but found himself speechless. It was true, whenever he thought that Huo Shen would treat another person better than him, he would feel extremely uncomfortable, unbearably uncomfortable.

Jiang Mingyan: “I’ve wanted to ask for a long time, what are your feelings for Huo Shen? Have you truly only treated Huo Shen as a friend since you were little?”

Jiang Tiao frowned slightly: “What do you mean?”

Jiang Mingyan: “Back then, Huo Shen merely extended some hospitality and took a walk in the garden with the daughter of a family friend, and you were sulking for a whole month.”

It would have been better not to mention it, but as soon as this matter was brought up, Jiang Tiao felt as if the pent-up anger in his chest had returned.

“Is she just an ordinary person? Does Huo Shen not know that she’s had feelings for him since childhood!” Jiang Tiao grumbled through gritted teeth, “And to walk in some damn garden with her, and even change his exhibition time with me for her!”

Jiang Mingyan was significantly older than Huo Shen and Jiang Tiao, and he had witnessed their affairs. Although he couldn’t understand Jiang Tiao’s feelings for Huo Shen, he could tell that Huo Shen had understood his feelings for Jiang Tiao long ago. He just hadn’t said anything, burying it silently in his heart, deliberately avoiding letting Jiang Tiao notice.

He actually knew what Huo Shen was thinking. Although Huo Shen was as cold as Siberian air, he always remembered everyone who had helped him. He knew that he had received protection from the Jiang family when he was young, and he felt that the Jiang family had been kind to him, and he owed them a debt of gratitude. He was afraid of upsetting Father and Mother Jiang, so he didn’t want to proactively lead the younger son of the Jiang family down the path of homosexuality.

Moreover, he was a little older than Jiang Tiao, and the feelings of youth could influence one’s lifelong sexual orientation. He didn’t want to lead Jiang Tiao down a wrong path because of himself when Jiang Tiao was not yet mature enough.

Jiang Tiao was sixteen or seventeen at the time, the age when adolescent hormones were surging. Huo Shen must have noticed something.

The girl’s parents were old friends with Huo Shen’s parents, and they had also provided assistance after Huo Shen’s parents’ accident. He didn’t want to delay the girl and wanted to clarify things early. He also used the opportunity of clarifying with the girl to deliberately mislead Jiang Tiao, wanting to set an example and guide Jiang Tiao back to the right path.

Unfortunately, it almost had the opposite effect, driving Jiang Tiao’s emotions to the brink of change, forcing him to change his methods and return to their previous way of interacting.

Jiang Tiao threw a tantrum for a month, and Huo Shen coaxed him patiently for a month. To observe this drama up close, he even moved back home for a month. After watching, he only had one thought: his younger brother was truly capable of causing trouble, and Huo Shen had incredible patience.

“So what? That girl’s family background was so good, her family was involved in both business and politics, her grandfather held a high position in the bank, and she herself was very accomplished, studying economics at Harvard. She was more than enough for Huo Shen!” Jiang Mingyan deliberately said, “You always said it was because you didn’t feel suited to Huo Shen. I think she was quite suited to Huo Shen. I think it was you who ruined Huo Shen’s marriage prospects. Otherwise, she would have had children by now, and you could have been an uncle.”

Jiang Tiao was furious, almost to the point of being disrespectful and pointing at Jiang Mingyan, telling him to shut up and stop talking nonsense.

Seeing Jiang Tiao’s face flushed red and neck bulging with anger, Jiang Mingyan was extremely amused, “What’s wrong? You’re unhappy when I joke about Huo Shen and you; you get jealous when I joke about Huo Shen and other people. Is Huo Shen your private property? You’re too difficult to please.”

Jiang Tiao was about to retort, but he was struck by Jiang Mingyan’s latter words. His expression visibly became silent. He was annoyed and disappointed, as if caught in a great confusion. Was this jealousy? So all his unhappiness back then was also because he was jealous?

Jiang Mingyan, seeing Jiang Tiao’s expression, raised his eyebrows slightly: “I’ve never really understood. You’ve always been someone who dares to think and act, so why is it that when it comes to Huo Shen, you hesitate and waver like this?”

Jiang Tiao felt as if a thick fog had settled deep in his mind. Every time he tried to sort out these matters, he would feel dizzy, and his brain would even feel like it was being pricked by needles, causing intense pain.

“Between you and Huo Shen, there are no obstacles. What is it that makes you afraid to admit you like Huo Shen?”

Jiang Mingyan’s words were like a flash of lightning, splitting the fog that had always lingered in Jiang Tiao’s mind. Jiang Tiao stood up abruptly, about to speak, but felt a surge of blood rush up from his chest.

Jiang Mingyan saw Jiang Tiao’s face turn pale, his lips bloodless, clutching his head, his brow furrowed as if in great pain. He didn’t understand and worried about provoking some relapse in his recently recovered brother. He quickly got up and walked over. Before Jiang Mingyan could reach out to support him, he saw Jiang Tiao collapse straight in front of him.

……