WT Chapter 52

Chapter 52: Dependence. Love Can’t Solve Everything.

Innumerable nights, Jiang Quanyu sat alone in the deep night, his figure thin and frail, his memories fragmented and desolate, unable to even recall why he was there.

He couldn’t find Wen Shixi, couldn’t find any way out.

The only thing that could make him feel a little better was looking at the photos Shen Chuji brought.

In the photos, there was Wen Shixi at ten years old, twelve years old, seventeen years old, playing the piano, feeding the pony, and chatting and laughing with him.

Wen Shixi tilted his head, a strange look on his face: “What did you say?”

“I’ve already said it, Jiang Quanyu has a very contradictory anxious attachment style.” Shen Chuji said, “You still don’t seem to understand what you are to Jiang Quanyu. From a psychological perspective, you are the only dream that came true for him, the only thing he completely possessed in that old house, in the first half of his life. He gave up everything, accepted the life his grandfather tailored for him, willingly stayed in the suffocating life, and at the same time had to leave you—during that time, in my experience, everything was dead except for the feeling that his heart was still beating.”

Shen Chuji said, smiling slightly, “Whether it’s family affection, friendship, or even love, they are all mid-level or even high-level needs for humans. But for Jiang Quanyu, you are his most basic survival need, like air, food, and water. A person who is in an environment where their survival needs are not guaranteed for a long time will definitely go crazy. Even if Jiang Quanyu can control his desires well, it cannot be denied that he has always been in fear and even despair.”

The scent of aromatherapy filled the air, bringing a calming effect.

As a psychologist, Shen Chuji’s voice was very gentle, and he always had a kind smile on his face while explaining.

But those words were like a pair of inescapable hands, gently holding up Wen Shixi’s chaotic heart.

“The formation of all personalities and psychological consciousness is mostly inseparable from the childhood environment and growth experience. I have heard Jiang Quanyu’s complete account of the things between you, so I think you should be able to understand this feeling of being on the verge of destroying your life. But the difference between you and him is that when you experienced major pain in your life, although you were young, you were already an adult after all. But Jiang Quanyu, he lost his mother, and when he was most lonely and painful, he was only a seven-year-old child. You weren’t even born at that time, and no one could save him at all.”

“Admittedly, his family background has led to his values being very different from ordinary people, but in my opinion, he is just an ordinary patient.”

Wen Shixi sat on the chair, the silence in the air seemed far away, leaving only the soft sound of a pendulum nearby.

“Then he…” Wen Shixi asked softly, “Is he cured now?”

“Initially, he relied on a large amount of tranquilizers, combined with transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy, to prevent him from completely collapsing. Later, I flew to the United States and lived with him for about half a year before he gradually began to recover.”

Speaking of this, Shen Chuji raised his hand, took off his glasses, and pinched the center of his brows.

“…It’s embarrassing to say, at first, many doctors and I couldn’t find an effective treatment for Jiang Quanyu until one day, I told him that even if it was just to give Wen Shixi a better future, he had to learn to survive in a world where Wen Shixi didn’t exist.”

“Some people say that ‘anxious attachment is the ceiling of human love’, but in fact, both the patient and the person being depended on are very painful.”

Jiang Quanyu knew that his loss of control and the harm he had caused to Wen Shixi were the best examples.

“When he decided to accept losing you, I tried to tell him that he could look forward to anything, whether it was studying, working, hobbies, or a certain season, a certain piece of music, a certain country, or even alcohol, anything that was addictive. I tried to teach him that he must get love from anything in this world, and not just focus on one person…”

“During this period, he was very cooperative, and even followed the plan I made to listen to every piano concert in Washington, to contact different pianists, different music, to constantly overcome and face everything related to you, and to learn to accept those losses and pains.”

Shen Chuji’s face was calm, only pausing slightly to recount his failure, “But until the end, I spent seven years, and he also spent seven years, we each spent all our efforts, but the factual result was just that he desperately snatched all the shares from Jiang Lian’s hands. I think, in his heart, apart from you, he never thought about gazing at anything else.”

Shen Chuji shook his head, “What a terrible dependence, Mr. Wen, honestly, you should be very scared, right? How have you felt during this time after Jiang Quanyu returned to China?”

Wen Shixi thought for a while and replied, “If you exclude the fact that he wanted me to marry an alpha he arranged, locked me in a cage, and wouldn’t let me leave Linggang, everything else is pretty normal.”

Shen Chuji couldn’t help but laugh at these words, his laughter was particularly kind, but soon he restrained his smile, “But I still hope you can believe that this is already the result of Jiang Quanyu restraining himself with all his strength.”

Wen Shixi frowned, “If I help, will he recover better?”

“No, no, I think you misunderstood.” Shen Chuji said, “The current Jiang Quanyu has no mental problems at all, I said, this is just a different personality, treatment is not effective, he can only rely on himself to change.”

Wen Shixi: “But it’s hard to change… right?”

Shen Chuji: “To be precise, I don’t think he can change a personality that has evolved over decades.”

As Shen Chuji spoke, he picked up the water glass on the table and took a light sip.

As a doctor, Shen Chuji’s voice carried a hint of helplessness, “Moreover, Jiang Quanyu will not let go, if he could let go… then what would his seven years count for?”

Wen Shixi: “What you said, I can’t actually do anything about it, right?”

“Mr. Wen.” Shen Chuji said, “Leaving aside whether you still have feelings for Jiang Quanyu, even the most complete love can’t solve everything. Even if one day, he superficially gets along with you exactly the way you want, for him, it’s just constantly restraining his desires, and for you, it’s living in an unknown situation as if walking on thin ice. What’s the difference between this and torture for both of you?”

The idea that you can change or even save a person with love alone is too unrealistic.

Shen Chuji: “If you ask my opinion, from a doctor’s point of view, I have actually been advising Jiang Quanyu not to come back. Although seven years have not changed him, maybe the next seven years, or the seven years after that, Jiang Quanyu can learn to get inner fulfillment from other things. At least in my opinion, this is the only way that is good for both of you.”

–

When the moon was at its zenith, Linggang fell into silence again.

In the pitch-black room, Wen Shixi sat alone on the bay window next to the grand piano, with the teddy bear that Jiang Quanyu gave him when he was a child at his feet.

In the silence, he pressed his forehead against the glass window, looking out at the boundless night.

Darkness, coldness, unreachable.

Wen Shixi finally knew what kind of place the deep sea where Jiang Quanyu was, was like.

All of Jiang Quanyu’s forbearance-filled expressions and those words he couldn’t understand were finally becoming clearer.

The glass window reflected a faint light, and Wen Shixi looked at himself in the reflection, his eyes filled with loneliness.

In the cemetery of his soul, Jiang Quanyu was still standing where they separated, and had not left a step in the seven years.

Memories became clear and blurred, and in between them was a heart that didn’t know how to face it.

At this moment, the phone rang at the darkest moment of the night.

The vibration stirred in the dimness, pushing the solidified air in the room.

Wen Shixi picked up the phone and looked at the text displayed on the screen.

In the moonlight, his lips parted slightly.

A few seconds later, the moment he answered, a starlight flashed by.

The man’s voice was tired, he must have thought about it for a long time before calling Wen Shixi as agreed.

In the soft sound of breathing, there was no greeting, only a meaningless light question.

“Wen Shixi, why aren’t you asleep yet?”

Wen Shixi looked at the sky outside the window.

He didn’t answer Jiang Quanyu’s question, he just asked more seriously than ever before.

“Jiang Quanyu, what are you doing now?”

After leaving Dr. Shen’s place, Wen Shixi kept thinking.

In those times when he wasn’t by his side, what exactly did Jiang Quanyu do every day?

Treatment, work, listening to concerts?

Or thinking about him, thinking about him, thinking about him like a madman?

Jiang Quanyu’s voice came out slowly, “I just finished work, I wanted to call you earlier, but there was a meeting.”

Wen Shixi’s voice carried a hint of a smile, almost inaudible.

Jiang Quanyu: “Since when has Wen Shixi started caring about people?”

Wen Shixi murmured, “I’m not caring about you.”

“It’s so late, why aren’t you asleep yet?” Jiang Quanyu asked, “Are you still practicing the piano? I should have said that you are not allowed to practice the piano at night, it’s really noisy.”

Many years ago, the noisy and confused piano sound spread from the small building to the main building, connecting the two people together.

Wen Shixi lowered his head, closed his eyes gently, and when he opened them again, his voice was hoarse.

“Jiang Quanyu, I have a performance on Sunday, at seven o’clock in the evening, in the school auditorium, can you come?”

Jiang Quanyu asked doubtfully, “School auditorium?”

“Yeah.” Wen Shixi’s voice was soft, “I will play the first movement of Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor with the school orchestra.”

Jiang Quanyu paused for a moment and asked, “Concerto?”

Wen Shixi: “Yeah, concerto.”

Jiang Quanyu thought for a while and asked, “Is someone coercing you to play it?”

Wen Shixi was speechless and almost laughed.

“No one is coercing me.” He said, “I want to play it myself. I have been rehearsing with the school orchestra for several days, and I really like this piece.”

As Wen Shixi spoke, he asked again, “Jiang Quanyu, are you coming?”

Come and listen to the piano sound that has been searching for a substitute for seven years, but has still not been forgotten.

In the moment of blankness, Jiang Quanyu’s breathing was long and heavy.

“Okay.” Jiang Quanyu said, “I will be there on time.”

Wen Shixi pinched the teddy bear’s ear, his lips gently pursed.

Wen Shixi said, “Don’t be late.”

In the dim hotel bedroom, Jiang Quanyu walked to the window, looking out at the night.

In his eyes, there was an eternal night that had never melted, but when he looked in a certain direction, it gave off firefly-like starlight.

“I won’t be late.” Jiang Quanyu said, “At the moment you step on the stage, you will definitely be able to see me.”

After a brief farewell, the phone hung up at midnight.

At the moment the phone screen light disappeared, Wen Shixi’s eyes were covered with the night.

His heartbeat wandered in peace, quietly echoing.